Do you know anyone who keeps going back into an unhealthy situation because they can't seem to shake the idea that they'll eventually be able to fix them? Maybe it's a coworker who keeps sharing their failed attempts. Maybe it's a family member who is always talking about "maybe this time...." Maybe it's you.
Here's a sentence I read the other day: We all have that one person we just give too many chances to.
Man, isn't that the truth?! I know we've all been there. And Jesus even tells us to forgive "seventy X seven" times (Matthew 18:21-22). But He doesn't say to keep putting ourselves in a position that we don't have to with someone that is hurting us in some way. If it's our child or our spouse, yeah, we're going to have to keep forgiving - and being forgiven - many, many, MANY times in our relationship with that person. But there are times when we also need to remove ourselves from toxic situations.
My daughter is a fixer. She thinks she can do good in anybody’s life. But she always ends up the one hurt - and the person never changes. But she just keeps giving them a second chance. Then a third. Then a fourth....
People who like fixers are like moldy fruit. The good strawberries don’t make the moldy one healthy. The moldy one corrupts all the ones around it. Then they all have to be thrown away. Moldy strawberries don’t get second chances. They’re ruined. You save the good strawberries you can by getting rid of the moldy one(s) as soon as possible.
You can’t fix what’s ruined. You can only protect yourself from their mold or get their mold on you. There are no second chances for moldy strawberries!
And then I read this: "I'm tired of making up..."
People say marriage is hard. (You can fill in relationships there instead.) But that’s only half true. It’s hard with the wrong person. Tough situations happen that two people have to face. With the wrong person, you’re no longer dealing with the situation - you’re dealing with them wanting everything their way. You have to MAKE them happy rather than solve the problem. But with the right person, it’s easy! There are still tough times, but you face them together instead of fighting each other. They help you MAKE the problem go away.
You have to ask yourself: am I always butting heads with this person (standing toe to toe) or do I have an ally against the situation (standing beside you)? You want someone who faces the world WITH you, not against you.
If you know someone in this broken cycle of heartache and failure, I hope you'll encourage them with this short message. If you're the one on the never-ending loop of fixing and forcing, I hope you'll find the courage to get off the ride and take care of you.
