No More Chances

When enough is enough!

Do you know anyone who keeps going back into an unhealthy situation because they can't seem to shake the idea that they'll eventually be able to fix them? Maybe it's a coworker who keeps sharing their failed attempts.  Maybe it's a family member who is always talking about "maybe this time...."  Maybe it's you.

Here's a sentence I read the other day:  We all have that one person we just give too many chances to.

Man, isn't that the truth?!  I know we've all been there.  And Jesus even tells us to forgive "seventy X seven" times (Matthew 18:21-22).  But He doesn't say to keep putting ourselves in a position that we don't have to with someone that is hurting us in some way.  If it's our child or our spouse, yeah, we're going to have to keep forgiving - and being forgiven - many, many, MANY times in our relationship with that person.  But there are times when we also need to remove ourselves from toxic situations.

My daughter is a fixer. She thinks she can do good in anybody’s life. But she always ends up the one hurt - and the person never changes. But she just keeps giving them a second chance. Then a third. Then a fourth....

People who like fixers are like moldy fruit. The good strawberries don’t make the moldy one healthy. The moldy one corrupts all the ones around it. Then they all have to be thrown away. Moldy strawberries don’t get second chances. They’re ruined. You save the good strawberries you can by getting rid of the moldy one(s) as soon as possible.

You can’t fix what’s ruined. You can only protect yourself from their mold or get their mold on you. There are no second chances for moldy strawberries!  

And then I read this:  "I'm tired of making up..."

Oh sweet child. The first word of “making up” is make. If you have to MAKE it work, MAKE it fit, MAKE him (or her) happy....you’re forcing it. And it will never work by force.

People say marriage is hard. (You can fill in relationships there instead.) But that’s only half true. It’s hard with the wrong person. Tough situations happen that two people have to face. With the wrong person, you’re no longer dealing with the situation - you’re dealing with them wanting everything their way. You have to MAKE them happy rather than solve the problem. But with the right person, it’s easy! There are still tough times, but you face them together instead of fighting each other. They help you MAKE the problem go away.

You have to ask yourself: am I always butting heads with this person (standing toe to toe) or do I have an ally against the situation (standing beside you)? 

You want someone who faces the world WITH you, not against you.

If you know someone in this broken cycle of heartache and failure, I hope you'll encourage them with this short message.  If you're the one on the never-ending loop of fixing and forcing, I hope you'll find the courage to get off the ride and take care of you.

Unicorns and Rhinos

Never Give Up on Your Dreams

This poor sweating Rhino, running her heart out on a treadmill.  She looks with yearning and determination at the poster beside her.  The poster shows a svelte unicorn looking regal and confident.  And the encouraging message this image is meant to offer:  Never give up on your dreams.

I've seen this image several times in my life. Every so often, it makes its way around Facebook, being shared as an inspiration for all.  And while I understand the idea behind the picture, I have a problem with this every time I see it. Actually, I have several problems with it.

1. Our heroine is a rhino (I'm assuming she's meant to be a female.  I'm not sure how many men would be inspired by a male rhino who is in turn inspired by a male unicorn).  She is a heavy girl, but she has decided that needs to change.  She's chosen the image that best represents who she thinks she needs to be and she's going for it.  But by its very definition, a rhino is a large mammal - created to be a particular shape. God didn't make a skinny rhino (or elephant or whale or hippo) for a reason. In the same way, He didn't make large ladybugs, butterflies, or bumble bees. Each is created in perfection. Each is unique and wondrous. Why should a rhino attempt to be anything other than what it was created to be?

2. Let's turn to the perfectly toned unicorn.  She is a lovely thing.  Who wouldn't want to have that physique?  Except that the unicorn doesn't exist.  She's a created image of an animal mistranslated and misrepresented that a portion of the world has accepted as truth.  How similar this is to the distorted images in magazines, where we are conditioned to accept that edited photos are the measuring stick of our value.  That the female rhino believes she must work to obtain a particular body is sad enough. But that she believes she must work to achieve false and impossible perfection is the real tragedy. Add to that the implication that your dreams are forever unattainable - because no matter how hard you try, they'll always be false.  Just a fantasy.

3. The picture implies weight. Big rhino, skinny unicorn, running treadmill - not much to mess up on that analysis.  But I think it's an analogy that fits many situations. We see what others have achieved and want so badly to obtain their lifestyle or attain their status. We think we aren't good enough until we are something else - usually based on someone else's unrealistic standards.  So we sweat and dig deep and tell ourselves to "never give up;" but the reality is that unless we are working on goals that are good for us specifically, we are simply trying to mimic what we think is best.

The truth is, if we are not working on the condition of our hearts, any outer change is obsolete. We may be beautiful, successful, rich, smart, skinny, fashionable, famous, or popular; but if our heart is full of pride, hate, selfishness, bitterness, unforgiveness, or anger, nothing else matters. No dream realized or goal achieved will ever be greater than the person you are in your heart.

Only God can give you your worth.  He deems that you are priceless and valuable.  And His goals and dreams for you may not be the goals and dreams He has for someone else.  That doesn't make you less of a person - it makes you unique.  It makes you...YOU.

God is a Creator of diversity and originality.  There are so many species He's created, creatures are still being discovered.  There's no logic to adapt or evolve into something else when He obviously created everything differently for a reason.

So stop looking to be a unicorn! If you're a rhino, be the best rhino you can be! If you're a turtle, be the best turtle ever! If you're a dragonfly, be the best dragonfly the world has ever known!

There's only one of each of us - we need to remember how amazing that fact is.


*Disclaimer:  I am in no way implying that anyone is an animal.  I'm sticking with the metaphor of the story, not trying to be mystical.  Bottom line - be the best YOU.

Preparation...

...Or just enough?

There is a little known story in the Bible about a young son who tended his father's sheep.  He was the youngest of eight boys.  Although he had been anointed as the future king of Israel, he often found himself playing the harp for the current king.  In one notable moment, however, he found himself in the midst of a fight with some terrible men who wanted to destroy Israel and make her a slave to their nation.  I'm sure none of this is sounding familiar so I'll go ahead and tell you the child's name was David.  The enemy was Goliath of the Philistines.

Oh, you've heard this story?  You recognize the plot and can fill in the details I've left out?  Wonderful!

But did you know that Goliath had four brothers?  After David killed Goliath, 1 Samuel 17:51b says, "And when the Philistines saw their champion was dead, they fled."  Years later, there was more war between David and the Philistines - including these four brothers.  There are two accounts of these battles in which David's soldiers killed Goliath's brothers:  2 Samuel 21:18-22 and 1 Chronicles 20:4-8.

Oh, you knew Goliath had four brothers?  Hmmm.  Okay.

But did you know that David was prepared to kill all five of them that first day?

The account of David's confrontation begins in chapter 17 of 1 Samuel.  David, who at this time was probably a teenager, is frustrated at the Israeli army response to the Philistines' taunting of them.  He goes to the king and tells how he has saved his father's sheep from both a lion and a bear, killing them.  He says that the same God who protected him against wild beasts will protect him against the giant.  So David is given permission to take his chances with Goliath.  I know, I know, you've heard all this before.

David prepares himself to confront this behemoth of a man by doing what?  He gets a stone for his slingshot, right?

WRONG!

He gets five stones.

"Then he took his staff in his hand; and he chose for himself five smooth stones from the brook, and put them in a shepherd’s bag, in a pouch which he had, and his sling was in his hand. And he drew near to the Philistine."

Now I used to read this and think, 'I guess he wanted to make sure he had extras in case he missed.'  I admit, that was in my early years.  That kind of thought process implies that, although David said The Lord would grant him a victory, by getting extra stones, he wasn't showing any faith that he actually believed The Lord would come through for him.

What David was actually doing was gathering enough stones for each brother!  He fully expected that when they saw that their brother had been killed, they would then step up to challenge David as well.  So David prepared for that outcome.  It was an outcome that never occurred because, as I pointed out earlier, they all fled the scene rather than avenger Goliath's death.

But what if they had challenged David?  And what if David had only prepared to kill Goliath?  What if he'd only gathered the one stone?  How unprepared would he have been?  Do you think the Philistines would have accepted a time out while David ran back to the riverbed to gather more stones?  Probably not.

I think there are times in our lives when we gather "just enough" of what we need.  Sometimes it's just enough of those few staples we need from the grocery store.  Sometimes it's just enough sleep before a workday.  Sometimes it's just enough time with the kids to pacify their needs.  But sometimes we need the preparations in case the storm that's forecasted actually hits our area.  Sometimes we need the preparations of enough rest in order to be refreshed and functional during a presentation.  Sometimes we need to spend those quality moments with our kids so they feel how special they are.

We have too many "just enoughs" in our lives.  Just enough excuses, just enough relationship, just enough Jesus.

Where is our preparation?  Where is our desire for more?  For completeness?  For the entire promise of The Lord instead of settling for the first step of the promise?

Stones were an important part of the Israelites in remembering the awesome works of God.  There are numerous passages of stone markers being laid, annointed, and named in honor of Him.

"And he was afraid, and said, 'How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God, and this is the gate of heaven.' So Jacob rose early in the morning, and he took the stone which he had put under his head and set it up for a pillar and poured oil on the top of it.  He called the name of that place Bethel [house of God]." Genesis 28:17-19

"And Joshua wrote these words in the Book of the Law of God. And he took a large stone and set it up there under the oak tree that was by the sanctuary of the Lord. And Joshua said to all the people, 'Behold, this stone shall be a witness against us, for it has heard all the words of the Lord that he spoke to us. Therefore it shall be a witness against you, lest you deal falsely with your God.'” Joshua 24:26-27

"Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen and called its name Ebenezer; for he  said, 'Till now the Lord has helped us.'” 1 Samuel 7:12

Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Moses, and Gideon are just a few others who also placed physical stone markers to commemorate the works of God as He delivered them from one circumstance or another.

I think we need to lay up some stones in our own lives.  Stones of remembrance.  Stones of grace.  Stones of deliverance.  Stones of reconciliation.  Stones of preparation. 

It's not enough to have "just enough."  God is not a God of "just enough."  He is a God of abundance!  (John 10:10)  If He is calling you to a purpose, go forward with full preparation, knowing that if more is required of you, you will be equipped.  If He is laying on your heart to step out in faith, step out in preparation, knowing that if He has paved the way, your journey will be successful.  If He is giving you the victory, take it with every preparation made, knowing that He never does anything half way.  Just because your preparations aren't put to use immediately doesn't mean they won't be needed later.

Stop being satisfied with "just enough" to get the job done today.  Your Father in heaven is wanting to prepare you for tomorrow and the future.  What you prepare for - or fail to prepare for - will have an affect on those who come after you.  What is "just enough" for you today may be "not nearly enough" later on.