Wives

...I’m talking to you

Let me tell you a story.

Eight years ago, I was trying to sell a house. My husband had already moved three states away to start the new job that was an answer to prayer. We were geographically separated, and it was a very stressful time in every area of our lives. But the biggest stress was financial.

Our realtor suggested we install new carpet. She said it would be the key to getting an offer. My suggestion was to offer a flooring allowance so the buyer could pick what they wanted. But after two months of little interest, the realtor re-suggested that we install the carpet ourselves. 

I did not like that solution. I was supposed to be saving money, not adding debt. There was no guarantee we’d recuperate the cost of new carpet in the sale of the house. I’d have to pay extra to install around the current furniture (versus a buyer having flooring laid before they moved in). What if a buyer didn’t want carpet? What if they walked away because they wanted hardwood? What if they pulled up what I just paid for to install hardwood?! No, this was a bad idea. We needed to stay the course and wait for a buyer to be interested in the flooring allowance.

A friend asked me how the sale of the house was going. I told her about the realtor’s suggestion and all about my stress and frustration and reasons why it wouldn’t work. Then she said, “What does your husband think y’all should do?” And I said, “HA! He wants me to replace the carpet!” It was a very exhausted, sarcastic, flippant end to the conversation.

But the Holy Spirit had just let a friend spiritually smack me in the head. Because what I realized within a couple hours of that discussion was that I’d been ignoring my husband. I’d been spending all of my energy and thoughts and prayers to go against what my husband had been telling me to do. And I had to repent. To the Lord, and to my husband. 

I have an amazing husband. He forgave me and said he knew I was trying so hard to be a good steward of our finances. He knew my heart was in the right place to want to avoid new debt. But he truly felt that new carpet was the right choice, and he didn’t know how to get me to agree with him. Well, problem solved. 

We replaced the carpet. Within a week, we had an offer. A full price offer. And the buyer’s three year old little boy did somersaults all over our (their) new carpet because he’d never lived in a house with carpet before. Cue the tears! 

So wives: what does your husband think y’all should do? You need to be listening to him. 

I’m not talking about “my husband thinks we should rob a bank.” I don’t mean “my husband wants to buy a new car, but we can’t pay our rent/mortgage.” 

I’m referring to the conversations you two are having about what to do with your lives and your family and your bank account and your dreams. When you know both of you are praying, but you’re still not on the same page with your ideas. 

I’m talking about letting go of your own solutions and letting your husband lead.

I was in rebellion about installing new carpet. I didn’t mean to be. I thought I was doing the right thing. But the more I fought, the more stressed we were. As soon as I accepted my husband’s decision - and the reality of adding more debt - there was a huge burden lifted off my shoulders. In my eyes, there was no way spending $5000 would bring me relief. But it did. Because my realtor, my husband, and God all knew that if we’d change that carpet, the house (our major stress factor) would sell. I was the one refusing to listen.

Where are you not listening? Is there an area in your life where people you love and trust are telling you to take a risk, but you’re digging your heels in? Are you too busy coming up with legitimate excuses that you don’t hear the Father encouraging you to trust Him?

I am so thankful for the friend who only asked me one question: what does your husband think y’all should do? She changed everything in an instant.

Sometimes our husbands are wrong. Sometimes they lead us and we have a hard time following because we know they’re wrong. I have one of those stories too. But the beauty of my life is that ultimately, my faith isn’t in my husband. It’s in Yeshua Jesus. Even when my husband leads us down a road we shouldn’t have taken, the Lord brings us through. He brings peace and blessings from the mistakes. Even when I rebel against Him and my husband, Christ brings correction and strengthens bonds through forgiveness. 

Wives, I know submission scriptures have been abused by some churches and some husbands. But that is not the truth of the word. To submit to your husband takes the responsibility off of you and onto him. And the burden on your husband is not light. Your husband answers to the Lord for your sake. A wife who can respect her husband’s decision and encourage him and walk beside him through that decision has pleased the Lord. There is blessing in that posture! I encourage you to pray about whatever area is troubling you right now and seek your godly husband’s advice: 

“What do you think we should do?”