The Struggle for Equality

It's not what you think it is

We live in a world with very blatant inequality.  I'm not disputing that.  Statistically women get paid less than their male counterparts for doing the same exact job.  And they pay more for similar products or services than men.  Ethnicities are treated better or harsher. Politics, sexuality, education level, finances...rampant inequality.  And I acknowledge that it's happening. But that's not where I'm going with this post.

Often when we think of equality, we think of "sameness."  If I'm a factory worker and work on the assembly line with 15 years of experience, I want the same pay as the guy next me doing the same exact task with the same 15 years of experience.  If two people with the same education and experience are up for a job, skin color or accent shouldn't make a difference in qualifications. That would make sense.  But the equality that we find in our daily lives tends to be a bit more gray.

And I'm going to challenge you:  what you're looking for isn't equality.  It's fairness.

When you go shopping, do you want "sameness?"  All the shirts are the same color, same size, same brand?  Do you hope for every car in the parking lot to look just like yours?  Do you buy the first house you see because you fully expect every other house for sale is exactly like this one?  NO!!!

What you want is that a small sized shirt will cost the same as the medium one.  You want a car that represents your personality and needs that is competitive in price with other similar options.  You want a home that will provide space for your family while also fitting your budget.  Fairness, not equality.

What about gift giving holidays for your children?  Do you choose fairness or equality?  What's the difference?

Equality says "I have three kids and they need to have the same number of gifts."  What you may or may not do is then spend the same amount of money on them as well.  In which case, you'll be hard pressed to get the same amount of gifts for the same amount of money if your kids are 3yo, 8yo, and 15yo.  Good luck!

Fairness says "I have three kids and I will spend the same amount of money on each one."  One year our teenager wanted a bass guitar.  We told him that would use up his entire gift budget.  He didn't care.  He was ok having only one gift.  Later his sister had the same budget. But she was interested in different things and so her money went into several gifts.  Should we have been equal and gotten her a bass guitar?  No way!  But we were fair and spent the same amount of money on each of them, even though the quantity and quality of the gifts was not equal.

Here's another example of equality gone awry.  Many years (decades) ago, I had just moved out and gone away to college.  There was a popular song that came out and the chorus was about a letter a mother had given her daughter, encouraging her to always call home.  "Here's a penny for your thoughts and a quarter for the call."  It always reminded me of my own mom, who I would call often.  One day I mentioned the song to her and how it always made me think of her.  For Christmas that year (long before we stopped celebrating), my mom had printed those lyrics and taped a penny and a quarter to the paper in place of the words and framed it to give to me.  I loved it!  It was the most special gift.  I treasured that $0.26 framed song and put it on my desk.  During a visit home sometime later, I went into my sister's room - and saw a frame that was identical to mine.  I asked her where she got it.  "Oh, Mom gave it to me.  She says it's from a song, but I've never heard of it."  I was heartbroken.  What was something special between me and my mother was no longer special because my mom had given the same exact gift to my sister.  And my sister had no reference to truly appreciate the gift that now meant nothing to me.  In my mother's eagerness to be "fair," she chose to be equal.

We, as humans, aren't looking for equality.  In fact, we crave not being treated the same in many, many ways. We don't want cookie cutter treatment from others.  We want genuine uniqueness.

I do not take my daughter to my son's favorite restaurant.

I do not make my son my husband's favorite meal.

I do not buy my sister a sweater in my mother's favorite color.

I do not want my husband to give my best friend the same attention that he gives me.

And I do not want God to answer my prayers in the same way He is answering someone else's.

Read that last one again.

What if God was as equal as we say we want Him to be?  What if He responded to your need the same way He responded to my need?  You need a job and I need healing and we both got a friend who brought us a casserole.  Yeah, that doesn't help either of us.

Our needs aren't the same! And that's the whole point of this topic.  

We often think that God isn't being "fair" when what He's actually doing is not being equal.  I don't want Him to interact with me in a way I don't need.  I don't want Him to respond to me as if I'm someone else.  I want Him to know me and to meet my needs as best He knows how.  That's the beauty  of fairness - being in relationship with someone and knowing their likes and dislikes and favorite things and allergies and needs and desires and then being able to interact with them with that knowledge and build them up by treating them as the special person that they are, rather than treating like everyone else and no one is special.

So let me reiterate again:  I am not discussing the inequality of some human beings being treated better over other human beings.  I do not condone any lessor treatment of any person for any reason.  What I am pointing out is that in our cry for equality, we forget what we're asking for from a personal and intimate perspective.  We should all be striving more for fairness in our relationships rather than spending our time and resources on making everything equal.  

And perhaps we should change our perspective to look for the things that are in our lives pointing to fairness and known-ness.

*They know how I like my coffee and brought me a cup that's perfect.

*They know my favorite flower and painted me a picture of a bouquet.

*They know I don't like that restaurant even though it's their favorite and chose to go somewhere we'd both enjoy.

*They know I'm struggling with this class and offered to help me.

*They know that I am in need of a babysitter and came over to stay with my kids.

What is actually happening is that you are being LOVED by not being treated equally.  By knowing you and your life, you are being treated fairly and with great care.  It's a beautiful thing.