Today I drove by a funeral home that was being utilized. It got me to thinking about the friends and family gathered inside, celebrating the life of their loved one, mourning the hole left behind with their passing. I wondered how many of those people were gathered because they'd been touched by the person now gone. The lives changed for good. The accomplishments and accolades shared about that person. The legacy he or she was leaving. Mourning the moments that were the last ones, not knowing they were the last. Conversations, confessions, "I love you" left unsaid.
I wondered about the person in the casket. Who had they influenced? What and who did they invest their time in? Will others change and behave differently because of this man or woman's actions? Would they be surprised at the things mentioned as their achievements or would they agree? Did they take their last breathe with relief or regret? How many "I'm sorrys" or "I forgive yous" did they intend to say, but didn't? The chapter closed whether they and their loved ones were ready or not.
The symbolism of this funeral taking place on the last day of the year did not escape me.
At first glance, it seems to be an erroneous comparison. The end of the year has nothing in common with the end of a life. The two are far too different to even attempt to equate them. But I think there are some very close similarities.
Some people are celebrating the last 365 days. They set goals and reached them. They dreamed dreams that became realities. They reconciled relationships, responsibilities, and bank accounts. There were even unexpected surprises along the way - trips, babies, marriages, graduations, new houses. They are surrounded by people who praise them and love them. They had more good days that bad days. They are closing this chapter with satisfaction and excitement for tomorrow.
Others are reviewing their last 365 days with mixed emotions. Perhaps a few things panned out, but only because they struggled to make it happen. Maybe there were some successes, but there were more unexpected and unwelcome surprises that derailed their best intentions. They look back at the goals they set and failed to meet. They still have unfulfilled dreams they're carrying into another January. The people in their lives love them, but aren't as reliable as they need them to be. There are moments of mourning the "shoulda coulda woulda" opportunities missed.And then there are those who are looking back at the last 365 days with distress. Regrets abound. Regrets in choices, relationships, purchases. Regrets at the things they had control over, but couldn't maintain motivation for. Addiction, abuse, and abandonment seem to be the norm. As much as they try to drum up hope that things will change, they secretly believe it never will. These people aren't sure that the next 365 will be any different, and certainly not better, than the last 365. For them, they can't wait for tonight to end a year that felt like a slow death. More than mourning, they grieve. They feel out of control and unsteady when faced with the past behind them and a scary future in front of them.
So the end of the year does appear to be a bit similar to a death: you can't turn back time; you can't change the outcome; you can't know what tomorrow is going to look like, but you know it will be different because something else has ended.
If you are someone who is anxious and concerned over the prospect of another hard or unfulfilling year, look for those who can help you. There is no shame in the tears. There is no shame in needing time alone. And there is no shame in asking for help. Don't let the fear of the past rob you of another chance at your goals and dreams. Don't let the end of a year dictate the end of your efforts. I know it can be very hard, but you are stronger than you realize. You are loved. You are wanted. You are needed.If your new year holds excitement for you, take a moment to see if there is someone near you who may be mourning or grieving this time of year. You may be the type of person they need to hold onto for some encouragement. Or you may be the person they avoid because nothing "bad" ever seems to happen to you and they think you can't relate to them. Be sensitive. Be honest. Share your story with someone who maybe needs a shoulder to cry on as they face tomorrow and the coming days. And look for those who many be too far into the grief to ask for help. Too many people think the end of something has to mean the end of them. We must be the help they need.
