"You Deserve It"

But what exactly do you deserve?

There’s a phrase that gets used every day and we don’t really pay that much attention to it because it’s so common.  We tell each other “You should get that new purse/iphone/gaming system.  You deserve it.”  We tell ourselves “Eat that dessert” or “Take that vacation” because you deserve it.  I get it.  We work hard, we make sacrifices in our lives, and sometimes we just want to play or splurge or let loose.  We deserve it.  We’ve earned it.

Or we go in the other direction and say things like “Quit that job/Leave that relationship because you don’t deserve that.”  We know our worth and we draw the line at how we’ll be treated.  We won’t tolerate anymore because we deserve better.

Deserve is defined as “being worthy of, or have a right to something.”  We see it as a positive word.  Especially as having a right to something.  Our Declaration of Independence rings in our ears of the right to “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”  We have rights as citizens of our country.  We have rights as tenants or homeowners.  We have rights as employees.  We love our rights and we love getting what we deserve with those rights.

But I get stuck on that word deserve.  I roll it around in my mouth and my mind and my heart and I don’t like how it tastes and feels.  The Spirit in me took me to passage after passage about what God thinks of what we deserve.

“The Lord looks down from heaven on all mankind to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God. All have turned away, all have become corrupt; there is no one who does good, not even one.”  Psalm 14:2-3

“As it is written: ‘There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.” Romans 3:10-12

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”  Romans 3:23

“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 6:23

“He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities.”  Psalm 103:10

“You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.  Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:6-8

“If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Romans 10:9

“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.”  Ephesians 2:8

These verse show time and time again that humanity as a whole and humans as individuals have no desire toward God. That our sin nature is in conflict with God’s design and holiness.  That the wages – the earned payment for our actions, what we deserve because of our sin – is death.

And yet! God has such love for each of us that He “does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities.”  He created a way through Jesus’ death on the cross to freely gift us reconciliation with Him.

Grace – the method by which God loves us to give us what we do not deserve

Mercy – the method by which God loves us to not give us what we do deserve

There are many, many things I deserve…and none of them are good. 

I deserve to be judged.                                2 Corinthians 5:10

I deserve to be forsaken.                           Hebrews 13:5

I deserve to be punished.                          1 John 4:17-18

I deserve to be put to death.                      Romans 6:23

I deserve to be eternally separated from God. Revelation 21:27

I witnessed a father getting to the bottom of his two children arguing.  The little boy had hit his sister.  The father asked the daughter what she had done to make her brother hit her.  She said that she was telling him something several times because he wasn’t paying attention to her.  The brother got tired of hearing her and hit her.  And the father said…to the daughter…“you got what you deserved.”

I was upset for weeks over that conversation.  It was wrong in so many ways.  The father taught the son he could hit his sister (and women in general).  The daughter learned her voice got her hit.  And the father taught both of his children that they deserve different things:  the son deserves to be left alone and the daughter deserves to be silenced and abused.

Do you see the damage being done by thinking we deserve things??? As believers, we must make peace with the grace bestowed upon us through Jesus’ and His forgiveness and stop using biblical punishment language to describe worldly rewards.  Of course we want to partake in some fun and frivolous activities and choices after hard work or hard sacrifices.  But the words matter. We deserve none of it. Glory to the Father, He has spared us from what we deserve and has lavished his mercy and grace upon us so that we can live better, speak better, and teach better. 

So let’s do better.

The End Is Near...

But then again...

Today I drove by a funeral home that was being utilized. It got me to thinking about the friends and family gathered inside, celebrating the life of their loved one, mourning the hole left behind with their passing. I wondered how many of those people were gathered because they'd been touched by the person now gone.  The lives changed for good. The accomplishments and accolades shared about that person.  The legacy he or she was leaving.  Mourning the moments that were the last ones, not knowing they were the last.  Conversations, confessions, "I love you" left unsaid.

I wondered about the person in the casket. Who had they influenced?  What and who did they invest their time in? Will others change and behave differently because of this man or woman's actions? Would they be surprised at the things mentioned as their achievements or would they agree? Did they take their last breathe with relief or regret?  How many "I'm sorrys" or "I forgive yous" did they intend to say, but didn't?

The chapter closed whether they and their loved ones were ready or not.

The symbolism of this funeral taking place on the last day of the year did not escape me.

At first glance, it seems to be an erroneous comparison.  The end of the year has nothing in common with the end of a life.  The two are far too different to even attempt to equate them.  But I think there are some very close similarities.

Some people are celebrating the last 365 days.  They set goals and reached them.  They dreamed dreams that became realities.  They reconciled relationships, responsibilities, and bank accounts.  There were even unexpected surprises along the way - trips, babies, marriages, graduations, new houses. They are surrounded by people who praise them and love them.  They had more good days that bad days.  They are closing this chapter with satisfaction and excitement for tomorrow.

Others are reviewing their last 365 days with mixed emotions.  Perhaps a few things panned out, but only because they struggled to make it happen.  Maybe there were some successes, but there were more unexpected and unwelcome surprises that derailed their best intentions.  They look back at the goals they set and failed to meet.  They still have unfulfilled dreams they're carrying into another January.  The people in their lives love them, but aren't as reliable as they need them to be.  There are moments of mourning the "shoulda coulda woulda" opportunities missed.

And then there are those who are looking back at the last 365 days with distress.  Regrets abound.  Regrets in choices, relationships, purchases.  Regrets at the things they had control over, but couldn't maintain motivation for.  Addiction, abuse, and abandonment seem to be the norm.  As much as they try to drum up hope that things will change, they secretly believe it never will.  These people aren't sure that the next 365 will be any different, and certainly not better, than the last 365.  For them, they can't wait for tonight to end a year that felt like a slow death.  More than mourning, they grieve.  They feel out of control and unsteady when faced with the past behind them and a scary future in front of them.

So the end of the year does appear to be a bit similar to a death:  you can't turn back time; you can't change the outcome; you can't know what tomorrow is going to look like, but you know it will be different because something else has ended.

If you are someone who is anxious and concerned over the prospect of another hard or unfulfilling year, look for those who can help you.  There is no shame in the tears.  There is no shame in needing time alone. And there is no shame in asking for help.  Don't let the fear of the past rob you of another chance at your goals and dreams.  Don't let the end of a year dictate the end of your efforts.  I know it can be very hard, but you are stronger than you realize.  You are loved.  You are wanted.  You are needed.

If your new year holds excitement for you, take a moment to see if there is someone near you who may be mourning or grieving this time of year.  You may be the type of person they need to hold onto for some encouragement.  Or you may be the person they avoid because nothing "bad" ever seems to happen to you and they think you can't relate to them.  Be sensitive.  Be honest.  Share your story with someone who maybe needs a shoulder to cry on as they face tomorrow and the coming days.  And look for those who many be too far into the grief to ask for help.  Too many people think the end of something has to mean the end of them.  We must be the help they need.