Crying Over Spilled Milk

...and leaving a sour attitude...

While we both sat in bed reading last night, I readjusted and accidentally made my husband spill his drink (it was tea, not milk by the way) that he'd had propped up next to him.  There hadn't been much in the cup, but it tipped over and left a nice little puddle on the bed with a few ice cubes.  At the same time as I said "I'm sorry" and was rising to go get a towel, he was acting like I'd done it on purpose:  animated, asking me what I thought I was doing, didn't I see his drink....By the time I got a towel, I was near tears.

All I could think about was the FULL glass he'd spilled on the carpet two weeks ago.  Twice.  I hadn't gotten upset.  I just got a towel (twice), soaked it all up (twice), picked up the ice (twice), told him it was no big deal even as he apologized. TWICE.  I kept thinking about how if anyone should be upset about this, it should be me, not him.  And now I am upset, but for a different reason.

He'd really hurt my feelings.  I went downstairs for a while.  I didn't want to be around him.  I was feeling sorry for myself and seeing the injustice of it all - my kindness toward him and his blame toward me.  I didn't need that kind of attitude.

A little while later, I ventured back upstairs.  It was late, and I was going to bed.  In the time that I'd been gone, my husband had fallen asleep.  Good.  So I climbed into bed, turned out the light, and hear, "I'm sorry I snapped at you.  I love you."

Great.

He's going to apologize and that's it?  It's over?  No way!  He hurt my feelings and he thinks one "I'm sorry" and one "I love you" fixes it?

So I stayed quiet.  I got my pillows perfect and my blankets pulled up.  I was comfortable and I was quiet.

And then ever so softly, my heart said, 'He was sincere in his apology.  He didn't mean to snap at you.  You need to speak to him.'

But I wasn't ready to stop being hurt!  I wasn't satisfied with his heart-felt apology!  He didn't act like he appreciated my hurt feelings enough!

And then that little voice again:  "Never once have I withheld My forgiveness from you."

What does God do when we mess up and then we go to Him to apologize?

*Does He wallow in His hurt feelings?  He would have every right.  Our sin separates us from Him.

*Does He play with our hearts, making us feel guilty for our behavior?  He would have every right.  We hurt Him with our sin choices.

*Or does He accept our sincere apology and welcome us into His arms?  He lifts our burden from our heart and pulls us close.

In that moment, I realized I never want God to treat me the way I was treating my husband.  How horrible to imagine going to the Father with a broken heart, with real repentance, and Him telling me, "I'm not ready to stop being hurt.  I'm not satisfied with your apology."  What a moment of hopelessness!  That no matter how sincere I was, that my Father was going to be silent and withhold His affection from me.

I immediately confessed my attitude to The Lord and thanked Him for His insight.  Then I turned to my husband and said all the things that I had on my heart about my hurt feelings.  He shared that he had dozed off and when the cup spilled, he'd been surprised.  His surprise came out sounding angry and blaming when he didn't intend it as such.  I felt better because I understood his reaction, and he also understood my position.  I held him close and told him I loved him.  And the burden of my attitude was lifted.

There are always going to be moments of hurt feelings and injustices.  But we need to extend the same grace to others who hurt us that God extends to us when we hurt Him. Our hearts are fragile and can be easily injured.  And they need soothing and honest efforts made to promote healing.  But when that real effort is made, it is our responsibility to accept it quickly and fully in order to preserve the relationship.  To do anything less is to inflict new injury and new brokenness.


"There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1)
 
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9)