Is This Really YOUR Journey???

When being told that "your journey is your own" isn't right...

Recently we had company for a big event in our family's life.  People traveled from several states away to be with us to celebrate.  It's usually an eight hour drive.  Expecting our guests in a couple of hours, I called to see where they were.

Me:  "Are you through Jacksonville yet?"
Them:  "We didn't go through Jacksonville."
"You didn't? So are you at least past Tallahassee?"
"We didn't go through Tallahassee.  We got off the interstate and took a highway."
"Ok, so where are you?"
"Somewhere in Georgia."

I'll save you the rest of the conversation and fill you in on the highlights.  Instead of following GPS, they decided to take a random exit to a highway.  They told me they were 20 minutes from the interstate they needed to be on to get to my house.  When they finally passed a sign that told them the next town, I found it on my GPS and informed them that they were not 20 minutes from the interstate - they were an hour from the interstate.  Instead of being 2 hours from my house, they were FOUR hours from my house. So now an 8 hour drive was going to take them ten.  (In reality, it took them twelve.)

There is a movement among some people to use a particular phrase to encourage others not to worry about the life they are living.  It's packaged in pretty words and lovely backgrounds to be shared and posted and repeated at social events.  It sounds deep and mature so it is believed and trusted and given more value than it deserves.  And while I completely understand the surface platitude that "we each have our own life to live and no life is going to look identical to someone else's," I believe there is great damage being done in allowing this "journey" movement to be so quickly and easily accepted.

Have you ever gone down a one way street...the wrong way?  Every city that has a downtown area is made up of numerous one way streets.  It never fails that I end up turning left when I should have turned right.  Thankfully, I've never caused an accident.  And I've learned that if I'd just set my GPS - and follow it! - that I'd make the right (pun intended) turn every time.  Because GPS is designed to lead you in the right direction. And I know mistakes are possible.  Detours, construction, delayed updates to the system all interfere with navigation systems.  But overall, GPS works like it's supposed to. To add insult to injury, I've even turned the wrong way when I've had a passenger telling me exactly where to go.  Against real and technical advice, I've done my own thing - and failed.

So back to my guests.  They had GPS.  In fact, they had three smart phones between them and three people keeping track of the directions.  We had also given them directions, advising them of the exact exit to take. But one person decided to override our advice and the GPS, saying that they knew better.  The driver listened and you know the rest.  We did not lead them wrong.  GPS never would have led them that way. But they thought they knew where they were going.

I'd like to suggest that many "journeys" that some people are on are not some special path set out just for them by destiny, but are instead roads they found themselves on after failing to listen to those who advised them and getting off the GPS set of directions.
              *Failing out of college
              *Getting fired due to behavior
              *Having an affair
              *Pregnancy out of wedlock
              *Drug/Alcohol addiction
              *Some form of "self discovery"
             
This isn't an exhaustive list, but it's a few things I've watched people I know go through and their loved ones pass it off as "just a part of their journey."  Not only is that untrue, it is harmful!  I can't think of one time in my years as a parent that I have hoped the life my child would lead would include any one of those things on that list.  I can't think of any child who writes an elementary paper about "What I want to be when I grown up" and includes any of those things on that list.  Those things are never in anyone's plans because they're not a part of the intended journey!  They become a part of the journey when specific choices are made.

I know what some of you are thinking because my guests said the same thing:  but going off the beaten path is scenic!  It's less crowded!  There's more adventure!  I agree with all of those things.  My son graduated from The Citadel where the unofficial title of the school is "The Road Less Traveled."  Believe me, I understand the benefits to not following the crowd and looking for adventure.  But I'm talking about using the word "adventure" to describe avoidable chaos.  I'm talking about using a phrase to excuse what should be unacceptable behaviors.  I'm talking about people failing to be accountable for their actions because "it's part of their own special journey."

So what happens when you choose to take a left turn - not because it's a chance to do something good, but because you're breaking the rules and being defiant?  Yes, the road is scenic and exciting and fills you with joy.  There is less traffic and fewer people to hassle you about your choices. But at some point reality is going to hit.
             *There are fewer people to hassle you and tell you what to do, but there are also fewer people to help you.  When you start looking around and the only people with you are the ones who made the same poor choice you did, you start to realize you don't have a good support system.  Had my guests needed help on the empty highway of their choice, they may have found themselves stranded for a while - or with the kind of "help" they'd rather not had.
              *With less traffic, there is a decreased necessity of resources.  Deciding you've made a poor choice and wanting help is great, but if there's nowhere to turn, you're in trouble.  How do you get yourself out of the mess you're in without the right assistance?  My guests had to hope they found a gas station out there in the middle of nowhere before they ran out of gas.  Restaurants, hotels, and mechanics are hard to come by when you go off the beaten path.  These are basic necessities of travel and they chose to put themselves in a situation that took them away from those things.
             *Taking a left and traveling into an area that isn't the best one doesn't just affect you.  It will also affect your passengers (a spouse who cheats, a parent who is fired, a teenager with an addiction - they all affect those within the home).  They didn't ask to take this "journey" with you, but they're stuck on it now.  They have no other choice but to ride it out and hope to get back to civilization.  And what about those on the other side?  Those who are waiting for you, expecting you, watching time pass and not knowing where you are or how you're doing?  They are affected too.  They worry and hope and pray and cry and get angry.  Their lives are affected and some of their plans have to be changed because of your selfishness.  My guests gave no concern over the fact that we expected them to travel and arrive at a particular time.  We had a weekend full of events and they had been invited to join us.  But their flippant decision meant we had to rearrange our schedules to accommodate their delay.  And it never occurred to them the discord they caused us as well.
             *With hard work, a lot of time, and maybe even a u-turn, let's say you finally arrive at your destination.  But with all the added time and energy, you're worn out and exhausted. Some people would say, "as long as you arrived, who cares how you got there?"  Is that how you want to travel life?  Worn out and exhausted from constantly correcting preventable poor choices and mistakes?  With a trail of loneliness and bad memories you could have spared yourself?  Our guests missed out on hours of extra time with us because they wanted to do what they wanted to do.

Every life will suffer heartache and loss, tragedy and pain.  But to bring those things upon yourself - an extra dose of heartache and loss - is an entirely new level of tragedy.  My guests traveled a total of twelve hours for an eight hour trip because they made a mistake.  They didn't take the suggestions set out for them to have the best outcome.  In believing they knew better than those who had gone before them, they put themselves at risk.  And worse, even after realizing their mistake, they continued to travel the road deeper and deeper into the unknown.

We are created to crave adventure and seek out new things.  But the journey we are on is one of discovering our purpose and our Creator.  It is not intended to be a journey of self.  A journey of self will only teach you that we are all the same in our hearts - longing to be different, but failing to be so.  However, a journey of seeking after God will show us that we are special and called to use that specialness with others, for others.  By convincing ourselves that our journey is unique, we take away the uniqueness.  People need to know that they are not alone in this life.  They need to know that they are not the only ones to feel a particular way.  Your struggle is important to share with others because others are struggling too.  And most of the time, the hopes and dreams and goals and advice your loved ones have for you is not for themselves - it is their desire to see you live your best life.  Instead of turning your back on them, trust them!

Don't get caught up in the lie that no one can tell you about your journey.  While there is no one else like you, there is so much that those around you have to offer to enrich your life.  And you have so much to offer them!  Taking yourself down your own "journey" is detrimental to everyone. Lean on each other.  Trust each other.  Recognize that what you do and the choices you make matter far after the decision is made.  Live your life walking the road with each other. It will often lead you to a wonderful destination.