If I Invite You...

...there will be certain expectations

Imagine you've been invited to someone's home for a dinner party. You have no other plans so you accept the invitation. You are greeted warmly and the meal is served. Conversations are taking place. But then you decide to make a comment. Or ask a question. And the tone of your words - or the words themselves - is rude, inflammatory, or unacceptable. And the host suddenly has an issue with what's happening at his/her table.

What happened? Everything was going so well!

Let's say I'm the host. I extended the invitation so realistically, I must acknowledge there is a risk that things might not go as planned. Someone may have an allergy. Someone might be late. Some guests might not mingle well with one another. Someone might just bring something uncomfortable to my table. And I need to be a good host. It’s not my intention to have people over only to end up arguing and in chaos. But as guests, each person accepted the invitation, so they should know that there will be realistic expectations of their appropriate behavior as well while they’re here. Manners and respect shouldn't have to be explained.

And yet, this is social media.

I post something. I put myself out there, inviting others to participate in a conversation. And I have to acknowledge the risk that someone might bring something unexpected or uncomfortable to my "table."

But if you comment on my post, then you accepted the invitation into the discussion. Not to a debate. Not to a tirade. You came to my table, and I expect you to use some manners, even if you don't like everything I'm serving. Likewise, if I decide that I want to come to your page and comment on your topic, I need to bring my good manners to your table.

You'd have every right to be disgusted or offended if I came to your home with anger and judgement, attacking you for your food choices. You've have every right to ask me to leave if I disrespected you in your home. If I didn't like what you were offering, I could have chosen not to accept the invitation.

That's what scrolling past a post is on social media - it's refusing an invitation to sit at a table you don't like.

But too many people think they can say anything they want simply because it's their table. They are not a good host. They want to post inflammatory topics in the hopes - nah, the blatant attempt - that people will stop by and stir the pot. That is a host who is just waiting to make the people at their table sick to their stomachs.

At the same time, many people think that since they accepted the invitation then I must surely want to hear every opinion they have on a subject. And that's not true either. A good guest is someone who realizes they are grateful to be included at the table because their company is valued. And if that value ends, so will future invitations. None of us wants to sit at an empty table.

We have become a society of attention seekers and screamers. We all have something to say (I'm obviously in that category as I write this). And we all want an audience (as I clearly hope with readership). But what we have to say should never ostracize those we invite to participate in our posts. And our responses to those invitations should never be more important than the person we're responding to.

It's easy to have courage behind a keyboard. But we all have feelings; we all struggle; we all need kindness. Maybe instead of trying to be controversial and righteous, we should view ourselves as sitting at a table and having a meal together. 

• Use your manners.
• Use your inside voice. 
• Be thankful for your invitation. 
• Be thankful the invitation was accepted.

No More 2019

It's finally 2020!

One of the more popular things to do in the last decade has been to pick a word to focus on throughout the year: intentional, joy, recover, simplify, abide…a word that seems to keep coming to you or a state of being that you’re craving to embrace.

My word for 2019 was MORE.  I had wanted to give more effort, more patience, more kindness, more time. I had all these visions of what more would look like from month to month. 

What I didn’t know in January is that 2019 would be one of the most difficult years I’ve had in a very long time.  While my family was overall happy and healthy in the most important ways, there were some struggles that I only spoke about with two people.  And one in particular was instrumental in getting me through some very, very hard months.

And in that time, I got MORE in ways I never expected:  more tears, more pain, more unknowns, more “no,” more “wait.”

I felt like an absolute failure most of the time.  MORE times than not.

But my sister put such a great perspective on my word.  She told me, “I like “more.” And isn’t it interesting that sometimes our words do not reflect what we intended for them.  It proves that our hope is always in Jesus and not ourselves.  And certainly not in the hope of a word.”

Those four sentences flipped my heart.

I couldn’t deny that I had failed to give more effort.  I had wasted more time. But I had also had to be more patient and more trusting.  I had to become more vulnerable when sharing my heart with a safe person.  I had to stop expecting more from someone who couldn’t give more.  I had to focus more on the promises of God than the circumstances I was walking through.

This year we have gone through more changes than we ever expected – and less than we expected.  There were more disappointments than we had hoped for.  And many, many more blessings.

I can see now where maybe I had my focus skewed.  I was looking for all the positivity of MORE, and what I got was the perseverance of MORE.

My flippant answer right now is that I hope my new word for 2020 is FINALLY!  That the things we have been praying for, hoping for, working toward, will finally come to fruition.  That we will finally get some answers.  That we will finally be settled.  But I also finally realize that I have to leave room for the Lord to work.  I can’t simply look at my year as my wish list of things I hope to accomplish.  I must let Him guide and orchestrate and provide and be in absolute control.  Because anything that He brings into my life I know will be for His glory.  Even if it’s more than I want to deal with, I will finally have the right perspective.