Step Parents

Closing the Gap

Any step parents out there?  How about children with step parents?  Anyone thinking of becoming a blended family?

Almost ten years ago, I married an amazing man who made life better, made me better, made the life of my children better.  And in an instant, I became a stepmom.  To five children.  Ages 16, 15, 14, 11, and 7.  Not to mention that my two little girls were 6 and 3.  It was a crazy, full, terrifying and beautiful time of learning to live the blended family life.  I like to joke that we were The Brady Bunch, without the much-needed Alice.

I won't lie.  I hate the term "stepmom."  It conjures up images of Disney's Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty - poor innocent children treated heinously by evil, wicked women who were so jealous of those precious babes, they could only plot ways to get rid of them.  Isn't that a pretty picture?  Not exactly how I'd like to be referred, and yet, here I am.  Over the years, I've made a conscious effort not to live up to any of the dreaded movie imagery.  But I know I've fallen into the much more common "you're not my real mom" moments.  Oh, they've always been smart enough not to say it.  But I know it's been thought.  Or said when I'm wasn't in the room.

It was a hard role to step into (no pun intended).  It was much easier for my husband.  My girls had no recollection of ever having a father and so he was able to pick up the pieces of their yearning hearts and be the hero.  (He later adopted them, but that's another story.)  I, on the other hand, felt like an intruder.  I never once tried to replace their "real" mother, but I was a real mother too!  I may not have had them from birth, but I had them in my home.  I was cooking and cleaning and shopping and transporting.  I was breaking up fights, going to appointments, helping with homework, administering medicine, giving hugs and kisses, offering advice, and doling out consequences.  I sure felt like a "real" mom.  Those were some hard years - doing the work, but never quite feeling like you were getting all the credit.  It wasn't their fault.  I know they felt loyalty to their mother.  And I know they (eventually) felt....some positive emotional equivalent for me.  But I struggled.

And then one day, a most obvious but often missed ideology in scripture jumped out at me: there are no stepparents in the Bible.  Not one.

If anyone had the right to use the "not my real dad" argument, it was Jesus.  He was the Son of God (John 20:31)!  But despite not being Joseph's biological son (Matthew 1:19-20), Jesus grew up recognizing Joseph as His earthly father.  Throughout the second chapter of Luke, scriptures are full of the terms such as "the child's father and mother" (vs 33), "Jesus' parents" (vs 41), "his parents" (vs 43, 48), and "Your father and I" (vs 48).  Notice that Joseph is referred to first when both he and Mary are listed.  Joseph was not only accepted by the unsuspecting community as Jesus' father, he was accepted by Jesus Himself as His father.

And it went both ways.  Not only did Jesus consider Joseph His father, Joseph considered Jesus his son.  In Matthew 13:55, the locals of Nazareth ask, "Isn't this the carpenter's son?"  And in Mark 6:3, they say, "Isn't this the carpenter?" In those days, it was customary for the father to teach his trade to his son.  The Bible clearly states that Jesus was known to be a carpenter, just as Joseph was.  Clear evidence that Joseph considered Jesus his son and taught Jesus the family business.

There are no separate designations for biological and step.  No subcategory of "real" and "not real."  The parent who was filling the role was....the parent!  And Jesus other title?  Son of Man (Luke 9:56).

And, from the beginning, this was the plan of the Father Himself.  He hand selected Joseph to oversee the rearing of His only begotten Son.  God knew that Jesus would need an earthly father to raise Him in customs and values as well as in faith and obligations.  God took His most precious Child and placed Him - on purpose - into the life of a man who would never be His biological father, but who would give Him everything He needed in order to grow into the Man God destined Christ to be.

Whoa!!!  Did you get that?

Now I'm not saying I'm as special as Joseph.  My integrity and righteousness is found lacking many days.  And I'm certainly not drawing any parallels between Jesus and any of my seven children.  But I will tell you, this thought process gave me chills.  To think that, despite the tragedy of divorce, God could chose to use me as a blessing to other children was humbling and exhilarating. Instead of seeing myself as a "wanna be real mom," I was able to see myself as someone hand picked to help raise these children.  I might not be the Disney evil stepmother, but they were certainly the innocent victims of the situation.  In that moment, I realized my spiritual role to this blended family.

I want to encourage any of you who find yourself parenting children from someone else's womb/loins:  that's not what makes you a parent.  Just as there are infertile adoptive parents and biologically inept parents, it is the love and care and tenderness that makes you a parent.  It is the holding and scolding that makes you a parent.  It is the intentional placing of you within the family that makes you a parent.  In every sense of the word - you being the parent to ANY child is INTENTIONAL.  You were hand picked!  That means you have a role and a responsibility.  But it also means you have a place in that child's life.   On purpose.

A few years into our marriage, one of the children moved in with us full time.  A year later, he moved back in with his mother.  A year after that, he moved back into our home permanently.  That day was in October 2007.  I'll never forget it because The Lord reaffirmed that He had a purpose for me.  He told me that day, "I have placed this child in your home twice now.  There's a reason I want him living with you.  I hand picked you to be his mom."

There are days being his mom drives me crazy, but no crazier than any of the other kids.  There are days when being his mom makes me so proud I could cry, but no prouder than any of the other kids.  But there is never a day that I don't feel like his "real" mom.  He may not have been born of my flesh, but he has most certainly been born of my heart.

Could You Please Pass the Salt?

"You are the salt of the earth:  but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned?  It is then good for nothing, but to be thrown out, and trampled underfoot by men." (Matthew 5:13)

This is not a new scripture to many of us.  It is often quoted, reminding us that, as Christians, we have a responsibility to the rest of the world.  Let's take a look at the properties of salt.

*Salt is a mineral used as a flavoring in our foods.  It is a primary ingredient for many dishes. It enhances the taste and texture.  It is a staple to most dining tables and a common element of daily life.

*Salt is an asset in preservation.  In the days before refrigeration, meats had to be coated and rubbed with salt in order to keep the meat from spoiling.  This layer of salt prevented the growth of bacteria and slowed the oxidation process, allowing the meat to stay fresh for a much longer period of time.

*Salt is also a stimulant.  Salty foods cause an increase in our already salty blood.  The body's natural response is to send the signal for more water intake (we call this thirst), thereby diluting the extra salt in our bloodstream.

I can't help drawing the parallels this scripture is making.  I know we all get the basic understanding that "I'm supposed to spice things up among non-believers the way salt spices up my baked potato."  But there is so much more!  Yes, we are the flavor of the fallen world.  We add something special to the mix.  We are meant for a purpose and valued among the norms of life.  However, Matthew 5:13 not only tells us that we are to add flavor (or value) to our world, but that we can run the risk of losing our "savor...thenceforth good for nothing."  (My study Bible indicates that the Dead Sea - where much of the salt originated during Biblical times - is full of impurities, resulting in the salt of that day being less flavorful.)  That is to say that, as a Christian, with a responsibility of being Jesus to those around us, we can become tasteless, without value, unnecessary and having a wasted effort in our attempts of living a life of testimony.  We could become useless and be "trodden under foot."  I'd say there is a warning in here against becoming stale.

The preservative aspects of salt are intriguing.  Just as salt is meant to keep meat from turning rancid, so are we to stave off negativity, unholiness, and evil around us.  This is not just for ourselves and our loved ones, but for the non-believer or the stranger we encounter as well.  Salt was not disbursed among only the filet mignon - it preserved the sirloin, the roast, the chuck and the ground beef as well.  Salt keeps the bacteria from all the meat; so are we to preserve all that with which we have contact.

My most favorite principle of salt intake is that of stimulation.  There are those who have salty cravings and can attest to the thirst that quickly follows.  As mentioned above, this is designed so that the body can return the body's salt count to balance.  But in the spiritual realm, this attribute is amazing:  As we, the salt of the earth, enter into relationships with those around us, they see Christ in us.  They are drawn to us, by the power of the Holy Spirit, seeking what they do not yet have.  They are thirsty!  As they are exposed to more 'salt,' they crave the Living Water that Jesus fulfills:  "If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink" (John 7:37).  "Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst...will be in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life" (John 4:13-14).  We stimulate people to long for Jesus, to cry out to God in humbleness and seek forgiveness!  What an awesome blessing we have been given.

Christ's choice to compare us to salt is by no means coincidental.  Remember, salt is a mineral found largely in rocks (think Rock of Ages from Isaiah 26:4) and the Dead Sea (another water reference for the stimulation property).  He carefully chose salt for it's properties and His desire to see those properties emulated in us.  I would also like to point out that salt is a solute mineral.  This means that it dissolves in liquid.  This principle is also found in scripture:  that we are in the world, while still not being of the world (made new in Christ).  As the salt of the earth, we co-mingle, we stand beside, we live with and among non-believers in our homes, our jobs, our communities.  We are dissolved into the environment in which we live - looking the same and participating in the same things.  But just as you drink from a glass of salt water and immediately know that it is not plain water, so are we to be distinguished among the plain.  We are to behave differently, speak differently, respond differently, even while maintaining many similarities with the non-believer.  It is the Christian value that we add to our relationships that will make the difference in the lives of those around us.

In the time of low-sodium and high blood pressure, we often forget the benefits of this little white granule. Salt is necessary for life - and in the eyes of the Father - salt is beneficial to the preservation of the lost.  I want to be stimulating and flavorful to those around me, not stale and worthless, to be thrown out with the leftovers. 

Today I encourage you to remember that you are salt!  Add it to the lives of those around you!  Don't conform to the world and lose your flavor; maintain your uniqueness and enhance the experience of life as you've been intended.  There are people in your circle who are needing the spice of Life, who are parched and thirsty for the Living Waters of Christ.  You may be the only seasoning they are exposed to.  Use your time with them wisely.  And by all means, don't become stale or you've lost your entire purpose.

His Will and My Will

How do I know for sure?

For those of us who have grown up in the Christian faith (or spent years as a saved adult, growing in the Word), we have often heard, discussed, or entertained thoughts surrounding the topic of following God's will and the ability to live by our own will.  They are two separate and distinct choices - neither interfering with the other.  God's will is not imposed on us, for He is not a dictator.  Nor does our free will change the nature of God.  The two coincide, many times warring against each other within our finite human minds.

However, as I have gotten older, I have found that I am more inclined (dare I say willing?) to hunger after God's will for me rather than do that which my flesh and emotions would have me to do.  It is not that I do not feel the human desire to follow my own path; it is that I am more clearly aware of the possibility of choosing incorrectly and facing consequences I would have avoided had I sought God's guidance instead.  Simply, God's way is better because it is right and, therefore, easier in the long run.

During this growth process, I have come to a personal conclusion for my prayer life.  But before sharing that revelation, I want to give you some scriptural background for this thought process.

While I haven't necessarily found explicit scriptures for our free will, there are scriptures that show us our ability to exercise the practice.  Deuteronomy 30:19 includes the phrase "...therefore, choose life..."; Joshua 24:15 says, "...choose you this day whom ye will serve..."; Matthew 6:33 states "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness..."  There are others, but this small sample confirms that we have the option of making right or wrong decisions, following our flesh or following God's lead.  And there are plenty of examples in the Bible of men and women making the wrong decision, leading them into years of exile, separation from God, even death (think Moses, Adam and Eve, Ananias and Sephira) .

The Bible is very clear about God's will - His will for His people, His future plans, and for us as individuals:

          John 6:40 - "For this is the will of God..."
          Matthew 18:14 - "...will of your Father which is in heaven..."
          Romans 8:27 - "...according to the will of God."
          Romans 12:2 -" ...that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."
          Ephesians 1:5 - "...according to the purpose of His will..."
          Colossians 1:9 - "...knowledge of His will..."
          1 Thessalonians 5:18 - "...for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."
          Hebrews 10:36 - "...after ye have done the will of God..."
        
God clearly has a plan, a perfect plan, that is for the good of all who love Him.  Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."  Loving Him means knowing and following His will.

That leads us to submission.  Hopefully, we all understand submission to mean putting our will under God's guidance and direction.  James 4:7 says, "Submit yourselves therefore to God..."; Matthew 6:33 tells us to "seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."  Scripture clearly explains that placing ourselves under God's authority will be beneficial to us.  However, the simplest example of this is found in Matthew 6, verse 10:  "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven."  When we pray, we are to subject our lives and our choices to God's will, because His plan is already ordained in the most high places.

So this all leads me to my revelation about my will versus the Lord's will.  In praying for guidance and direction about a particular situation one day, it came out of my mouth: "Lord, I submit my free will to you.  I give you authority over this situation.  I ask that your will is my desire."  Although I had all the practical ideals about God's will, and I could recall all the aforementioned (and other) scriptures as foundational knowledge of needing to pray for God's will, I had never applied the scriptures in this exact way.  In that moment, I suddenly realized that by voluntarily cutting off my free will and laying it down at the throne, I was freeing God to move mightily.  Perhaps more mightily than ever before.  In the past, I would pray the common, "Lord, your will, not mine" (Mark 14:36) scripture.  There's nothing wrong with that - it is the position Jesus took right before the crucifixion.  However, Jesus was perfect and never considered taking another approach to the situation.  I, on the other hand, have said "Your will, not mine," while thinking of other tactics, other approaches, other conversations, other outcomes, etc.  But on this day, my revelation day, I was prompted to focus solely on God's will.  In a moment, I immediately took God's perspective - even though I didn't know the outcome, and I don't know the larger details of the situation.  Talk about liberating!

Additionally, it was also very freeing to ask the Lord to make His will the desire of my heart.  If my heart is lined up to be in accordance with the plan He already wants to bring into fruition, how much easier is it for me to voluntarily see and follow that very plan?!?  In theory, we often say that God's will is the desire of our heart, but is that really what we feel?  Is that really what we are thinking?  Um, that's a no from me.  I'm doing all of those other options I discussed earlier.  But then that brings me to another scripture:  "If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you" (John 15:7).

If I'm so concerned about what to do, what not to do, what to say, what not to say, am I really abiding?  Abiding means living in or among something.  How can I be living among the Spirit of God, calling on the name of Jesus to guide me if I am not secure in my petitions?  If I'm praying His will and still wondering about whether or not I'm going to hear from Him (or be happy with the outcome!), then am I really abiding?  Probably not.  And according to this verse, I have to be abiding in Him in order to ask for and receive what I desire!  There's a stipulation to the Lord's follow through.  So taking my own point of view, setting it down in the lap of the One who knows best and letting Him tweak it makes the most sense.  When I allow Him to plant in me His plan, when I open myself to letting the desire of my heart be exactly what He wants for me, I cannot help but be blessed in multiple ways!

I have spent years thinking I was submitting to God's will, and maybe on some level I was.  But in the end, I was still spending time wondering what would happen next and whether or not I would recognize His hand once He moved.  Now, I am experiencing a new burden-free feeling.  Knowing that God will move when He is ready, and it will be in my best interest, changes my thought process and grows my trust in Him.

It is ironic to know that submitting my free will to God's will has allowed me to exercise more of my own free will!

Have you ever thought about your will versus God's will?  Do you think one can be stronger than the other?

Have you believed, like me, that you've submitted to The Lord, only to realize you haven't?  Were you able to pinpoint why you didn't completely trust it to Him?

If you are praying about something right now, I would like to challenge you to pray like I did:  "Lord, I submit my free will to you.  I give you authority over this situation.  I ask that your will is my desire." Ask the Father to change your heart and your perspective so that you can fully rely on Him, trusting that His Will is so much better than anything you can imagine!

The Road Less Taken...

 ...Is not just any road!

A friend told me today "I have faith that God has placed each paver down the road you two have traveled..."  That got me thinking of the imagery of that statement.  Pavers are colorful stones people have laid to decorate a particular area - patio, porch, driveway, garden walls. They cover existing concrete or grass or gravel and add personality to a bare or barren place.

Pavers come in different colors:

They come in different shapes:

 

                                                                                                     

                                                                                    They are laid in various patterns:

 
 










My friend's description of my life has new clarity!  In order for my path to be laid with pavers, God had to deliberately choose the colors, the shapes, and the patterns of those pavers.  He didn't leave the dirt or grass that was there.  He didn't use concrete or tar.  He picked out what He knew was best for me and laid out the exact right stones for me to walk on from moment to moment, trouble to triumph - for every step of this journey I'm on.

Not just the straight and easy path:

But also for the scenic parts of life:

And for the rough times:

God has laid out the pavers to get me

through the twists and turns of life:

He has directed me when my path split 

from those I walked with for a time:

And He has lit my path when the road 

 become dark and unknown:

Thinking of my life in terms of pavers changes everything.  Now, instead of wondering (or worrying) whether or not I was in the right place at the right time, I can envision that I have been walking a carefully laid out plan all along.  I may have taken some paths that I shouldn't have - by my own choices and not seeking to ask the Paver - but the Lord still took the time to lay down new stones with new shapes and colors to work with that path.  He created new paths out of my erroneous predicaments.  

I have always liked the "Footprints in the Sand" story.  However, this simple sentence from a friend enhances that story.  By looking at our Father's plan for us through the different paths we've taken throughout life, we see more than just a Comforter who has carried us in our times of trouble.  We instead see a glimpse of the Master Carpenter and Architect Who not only carries us, but He sees the life ahead and plans for it.  He knows the life He wants each of us to walk, the journey He wants each of us to take, the people He wants each of us to encounter.  And He has - quite literally in my mind, thanks to my friend! - paved the way for each of us.

Do you find yourself on a path you never imagined?  Do you wish there was a way to turn around, have a do-over?  We all make mistakes and we all make that wrong left turn.  But find hope in the Word of God, Who has, before the beginning of time, been laying path for you.  He specializes in left turns and errors.  He can work with the path you're on.  He can bring you out of the darkness, out of the rough patch, and onto solid ground.  He can and He will - just look up and find that the Master Architect is holding new pavers just for you!

Proverbs 3:6 - "In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths."

Proverbs 16:9 - "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps."

Proverbs 37:23 - "The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord..."

Isaiah 48:17 - "...I am the Lord your God, who teaches you to profit, who leads you by the way you should go."

Isaiah 58:11 - "The Lord will guide you continually..."

Jeremiah 6:16 - "This is what the Lord says:  'Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls...'"

Jeremiah 10:23 - "Oh Lord, I know the way of man is not in himself; it is not in man who walks to direct his own steps."

Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you..."

Goodness and Mercy? Yeah, Right

When it all looks bad from here...

I know so many people going through a tough time right now.  Marriages are falling apart, loved ones are sick and dying, children are rebellious.  Families are separated, friends are betraying one another, and believers are drawing lines in the sand instead of drawing arms around each other.  There is heartache and pain, confusion and suffering around every corner.  Every person can name at least a handful of people they personally know who are facing something ugly.

Why all the bad stuff?  What did we ever do to get into this mess?  When will the good times return?  

Where is God in all of this?

I think that's all we really care about.  Where's God?  How could He let this happen?  Why won't He answer me?  Why won't He make this all go away?  Even non-believers have to chime in:  Why would a loving God let this happen?  If He didn't stop it, then is He real?

The problem lies in the belief that we deserve to have good things happen to us all the time and never have anything bad happen.  Once that thought takes root, it's easy to jump into the deep waters of "Why me?"  The truth is, "It's everyone."  

In order to dispel the myth that we deserve goodness, let's look at a few verses: 

Psalm 14:3 - "There is no one who does good, not even one."
Psalm 53:3 - "There is no one who does good, not even one." (Yes, these two verses are identical.  Look them up. David repeated this idea for emphasis.) 
Romans 3:12 - "No one does good, not a single one."  (Paul repeated David's confession.)
Romans 7:18 - "For I know that good itself does not dwell in me...For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out."

In four short verses, we can see that, although we want good things, we want to do good things, it is not within our human power to obtain them.  It's not a matter of deserving good things, it's a matter of not having the ability to create good things on our own.  This is why our families are in jeopardy - we cannot mend them.  This is why illness and death is creeping in - we cannot heal them.  This is why the church is struggling - we cannot reach them.  Anyone who's ever thought, "It's not getting better because I'm not good enough" or "I didn't try good enough," needs to face a hard truth:  Things aren't getting better because we aren't good.  Period.  There can never be "good enough" if there was never any good to begin with. We, as individuals or as a group, will never make a difference on our own.  How could the same humans who got ourselves into failed relationships and environmental illnesses ever expect to get ourselves out of it?  We can't! 

BUT WAIT!  There's more!

I don't want you getting depressed or discouraged right now.  I needed to point out a basic flaw in our belief system before encouraging you in the reality of the situation.  So what's our hope?  Look at this! 

Mark 10:18 - "And Jesus said to him,  'Why do you call me good? There is none good but one, that is, God."  

James 1:17 - "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father."

Jesus Himself said that He isn't good?!?  That's right!  As He walked this world with us (as a human, not in this present time), He recognized that He was bound to the authority of the Father just as we are.  Jesus did nothing of His own will, but only obeyed God (John 5:19).  He was pointing out that everything started with God the Father, including goodness.  God is the Author of all things good.  It is He who supplies any goodness we see, create, and experience.  It is not dependent upon our deserving it or our belief in Him.  It is His to give at will, according to His desire.  (Side note:  I love this song!  It's upbeat but simple - "Every Good Thing," by The Afters. Good message of reminding us where it all comes from.)

So now that we can see that God is in control of all things good and we are not, what does that mean for the bad stuff?  Doesn't this make a case for Him withholding His goodness when these bad things happen?  Absolutely not!  Keep reading: 

Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." 
Romans 8:28 - "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." 
1 Timothy 4:4 - "Since everything God created is good, we should not reject any of it but receive it with thanks."

Our Father started the beginning of time with good plans!  (Genesis chapter 1 is covered with the phrase "It was good.")  And we are assured that not only does He have good plans for each of us, if we will love Him and live for Him, He promises to rework every bad thing into something good.  Here is our hope:  despite our lack of goodness, He is constantly using our bad decisions, our mistakes and our everyday lives as opportunities to bless us and bring Him glory.  He is GOOD!

But what about the really bad stuff?  Where is the glory in the abuse? Where is the blessing in the loss of a loved one?  Where is the plan for my future when everything is hopeless?

1 Thessalonians 5:18 - "in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God."
Ephesians 5:20 - "...always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."

These two verses seem to be the same, but there's one little word change that makes all the difference.  "In" and "for."  So now they look like they contradict each other.  And what does it have to do with all the really bad stuff?  In 1 Thessalonians, Paul needed to encourage the new church in Thessalonica because they were suffering.  They needed some building up.  Like them, we have to realize that in order to allow glory and blessing in the really bad moments, the will of God is for us to trust Him.  While He never intended for us to suffer abuse or loss or devastation, He CAN use it.  So our prayer could be "Father, I don't like what's going on.  I know you didn't bring this into my life.  But I trust that You are in control. I thank You for being with me in this moment.  I thank You for the strength You are providing and the testimony You are giving me for Your glory.  As long as I'm in this, I'm going to continue standing with You."  We don't have to be thankful for the situation, but we can be thankful in the situation.

But the second verse says to be thankful "for everything."  So let's look at that.  Here Paul is writing to the church at Ephesus.  He wants to give them more instruction for a godly life.  His command here to "give thanks...for everything" is a reminder to give God the glory.  How many times do we petition the Father to hear our cries, to take away our trials and when He answers, we move on without a simple 'thank you?'  Why do we act as if (again) we deserve for Him to come through for us, but we can't display a few good manners to the Creator of the universe?  These two verses aren't contradictory, but complimentary.  When we are in the midst of a crisis, we need to be in constant contact with The Lord - thanking Him for His presence in the moment and thanking Him for His faithfulness to the other side.

There is a verse in the Psalms (23:6) that says "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever."  I know there have been times when I have felt cold and alone in my struggle.  I surely did not feel goodness and mercy nearby.  Surely they were following me at a great distance.  And surely I didn't deserve any goodness or mercy after having gotten myself into such a mess.  But there's that word again:  deserve.  It's not about what we deserve, or what we've done, or where we're at.  It's about HIS goodness.  It's about HIS mercy.  The beginning of Psalm 23 is "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death."  I can't think of many darker places to be than that.  And yet, five verses later, God is promising His goodness and mercy.  

Our Father has given us verse after verse about His goodness He has toward us.  We often are too focused on the immediate catastrophe to remember what He's said.  So I'll leave you with several more.  I find it an odd comfort to know that there is nothing good in me.  It relieves me of the responsibility to do it all myself.  It takes the burden of success off of me.  Knowing that I can do nothing good apart from Christ in me, apart from the Father's promises means that I have the comfort in knowing that I don't need all the answers.  I just need The Answer.

Psalm 31:19 - "How great is the goodness you have stored up for those who fear you. You lavish it on those who come to you for protection, blessing them before the watching world." 
Psalm 34:8 - "Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!" 
Psalm 100:5 - "For the Lord is good. His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation."
Psalm 145:9 -"The Lord is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works." 

Are you hurting right now?  Maybe you are in the midst of one of the situations I named.  Perhaps it's something else.  I encourage you to find comfort in these scriptures.  Find relief in knowing that, whether you are in turmoil through your own choices or because it just is, you are being followed by goodness and mercy.  Give thanks to the Father in this moment, for His love and His presence.  There is a comfort in knowing that if you will turn to The Lord, He can use this for good. This is a part of your testimony to His love.  Others in turmoil need your words of salvation.

If you are in a season of joy and peace, I want you to remember to give thanks to God for it.  There is not one good thing in existence that did not come from Him.  From creation to invention, every good thing is from above.  Share your thanksgiving with others.  Share your testimony of goodness with others at peace.  Help them realize that they need to give God the credit for those things going so well.  We accomplish nothing on our own, but only that which He allows.  Remember to thank Him for all He has done with you and for you.

The Fire Starter

Needing to warm up

We had a cold weekend here.  Almost the entire nation did.  Despite temperatures warming up today, the evening air turned cool again and I sat down in front of our fireplace tonight.  It has gas logs so a quick flip of the switch and I'm already getting cozy and warm.  I love to watch the fire burn, changing colors as the heat intensifies; watching the flames lick the air and taste the chill.  It's easy to be hypnotized by the warm dance, lose time and just relax into the void of blues and yellows and oranges.  It got me thinking about our world and the importance of fire.  I don't mean the obvious heating and cooking importance.  I mean the interest, the fascination, the emphases we put on fire itself.  Here are some examples:

Music                                                           Movies/TV
"Light My Fire" - The Doors                          "St. Elmo's Fire"         "Fire in the Sky"
"Great Balls of Fire" -Jerry Lee Lewis           "Fire Down Below"      "In the Line of Fire"
"Ring of Fire" - Johnny Cash                        "Man on Fire"             "Chariots of Fire"
"We Didn't Start the Fire" - Billy Joel             "Catching Fire"           "Chicago Fire"
"Fire and Rain" - James Taylor                      "Fireproof"                 "Grace Under Fire"



Phrases                                                      Miscellaneous
"Light a fire under his butt"                          Pontiac Firebird (auto)
"Fight fire with fire"                                      Firestone (tires)
"Courage under fire"                                   Firefox (search engine)
"Play with fire"                                             Kindle Fire (tablet)
"You're fired"                                               Firearms (weapons)
"Fired up"
"Too many irons in the fire"
"Add fuel to the fire"
"Trial by fire"
 "Liar, liar, pants on fire"


And these are just the names using "fire."  There are numerous other examples when you look for "burning," "hot," "flames," etc. We are a society literally covered in objects and ideas of fire.  From what we listen to and watch to what comes out of our mouths to what we spend money on - it's everywhere!

Why do you think that is?

My next thought was to ponder how the use of fire is mentioned in the Bible.  Did you know that the word "fire" is used 549 times in the King James version?  That's a lot of times!  Here's what usually comes to mind:

"Fire and brimstone" - Rev 14:10
"Lake of fire" - Rev 21:8
I think it would be safe to say that if a survey were done, most Christians would associate these types of negative scriptures to to the 500+ references for fire in the Bible.  But they'd be wrong!  A vast majority of verses that speak about fire are actually spoken of with affirming qualities and characteristics.  They say things like:

"The Lord went ahead of them...in a pillar of fire" - Exodus 13:21
"The Lord your God is a consuming fire" - Deuteronomy 4:24
"The God who answers by fire" - 1 Kings 18:24
"The fire of The Lord fell" - 1 Kings 18:38
"Is not my Word like fire?" - Jeremiah 23:29
"And I will bring the third part through the fire, and will refine them" - Zechariah 13:9
"He will be like a refiner's fire" - Malachi 3:2
"He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire" - Luke 3:16
"For our 'God is a consuming fire'" - Hebrews 12:29 (Deut 4:24)

Whoa!  No wonder we are fascinated with fire!  We are created by a Creator who IS a consuming fire, Who's Word is like fire, Who answers by fire, and refines by fire.  Our Father is telling us over and over that He guides us, grows us, and gives to us through fire. 

Everything we need is contained in those flames that we are so easily entertained and mesmerized by.

But we avoid the Fire at all costs.  Oh, we want it - we crave it - but we avoid it.  Despite our spiritual makeup to be drawn to the Fire, we replace it with the material fires of man.  We replace it with symbols and words and pictures, trying to fill the void.  We forget the joy of our first days, being "on fire for The Lord."  We forget the beauty of "this little light of mine."  Instead we cringe at the thought of being burned by conviction.  We turn away from the idea of melting our cold hearts in the warmth of His love.  We abhor the idea of being refined through trials that draw us closer to His side.  We want the illusion of the fire.  We want the quick flip of the switch and an instant flame, never realizing that the true joy and beauty is in the gathering and laying and striking and fanning and feeding and stoking.

Are there fires you've been avoiding? 
Have you felt the chill, but haven't wanted to do the work?
Have you seen The Father's fire leading the way, but been afraid to follow?
Have you lost the passionate fire you once had for the walk with your Savior?

I have been there.  Some days, I'm still there.  I want the flame without the work.  I want the heat without the sting.  But He never intended it that way.  We are drawn to the fire because He is the fire!  He is the original Fire Starter.  He is drawing us to Himself.  Be mesmerized and come closer!  The love of an all consuming God wants to reignite you!

A Sifted Life

An Explanation

When I decided to take the plunge and put my love of words to use, I got excited.  I started looking through a few things I’d already privately written and thought about how I could use them for devotionals.  I thought of topics and stages of life and different circumstances we all face that I could dive into.  I didn’t start to get worried until I had to think of a title.  I knew I wanted it to have a double meaning.  I knew I wanted it to represent all the different categories I’d already thought of.  I knew I wanted it to be catchy.  I sat with a blank page for about 10 minutes.  Then I went to my ‘go to’ method of creative thinking:  the alphabet.  Letter by letter, I thought of cute, quipy phrases that piqued my interest.  Then I had a small voting party among a handful of friends.  And it was decided.

So what does “A Sifted Life” mean?  I think the first thing I thought of was flour.  Have you ever seen packed flour?  You can’t just dump it into a bowl and expect the batter to be mixed evenly.  You’ve got to give it room to spread out; so bakers sift dry ingredients in order to break up any lumps.  I liked all that, but I wanted to get an exact definition of the word.  When I read that it is the “separating of the fine from the coarse” (as noted above in my page description), I knew I had the right title.  A sifted life is taking the fine, precious, interesting, useful moments and pieces of information that get lost in the living and separating them from the coarse, common, ugly, and useless annoyances that steal our attention and energy.  A sifted life is taking the lumps and working them out into something smooth. 

In Luke 22:31, it says, “And The Lord said, ‘Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat.’” (Notice the flour reference there?)  This is the moment Jesus warns Peter that he will deny knowing Christ three times before the rooster crows.  Jesus is telling him, “Things are about to get bad, but you need to know it’s not me doing it.  You need to know the enemy is coming to attack you and it’s going to be uncomfortable, humiliating, painful, ugly, confusing, worrisome, and unfair.”  But then Jesus says, “but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail; and when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers” (verse 32).  Jesus says, “I’m on your side!  I’ve prayed for you that your faith in me will be enough to see you through the sifting.  That no matter how alone you feel, no matter how hopeless you feel, you will know the truth of My love and turn to Me.  And after that, you will be strong for your brothers and sisters who are struggling and need to turn to Me.”

Last week, I had a bad day.  I mean a pity-party-no-one-understands-or-cares-why-is-it-always-me kind of bad day.  It was ugly.  From the outside, I had every right to be upset.  Someone else said something rude and then it was followed up by another person saying something even nastier.  I just happened to be the one close enough to take the abuse.  But instead of going to The Lord, I took it to heart.  I sat in that stupor for about six hours.  I cried and I pouted and I looked at all the faults those people had and thought about what I’d like to say to them and what I would say to them if they dared look at me the wrong way.  It was a miserable time of lumping my hurt into a ball of frustration and bitterness and I didn’t care. 

And then the sifting began.  Despite my total lack of desire to get up and move on, the Father called to my heart.  He moved me to look at the mess I’d made of my mind and my day.  He pointed out that my wallowing wasn’t solving anything, but only making it worse.  It had made me rough to be around and was encroaching on my family relationships.  Did I mention it was the day before Christmas Eve?  The Holy Spirit began to move around the hurt places and gently shed light onto them.  He showed me the hurt in the other people, showing me they had been offended, which in turn made them offenders.  And I was very close to becoming an offender because of their offenses to me. He revealed to me a moment in time that I could create a very precious gift for my family if I would allow Him to be my focus instead.

Turning to The Lord after an attack - That is a sifted life.

Letting The Lord soften our hearts - That is a sifted life.

Finding the gift of joy in a moment of pain – That is a sifted life.

Sometimes the sifting is the wretched lash of the enemy – who is constantly on the prowl to destroy us in any manner.  Sometimes the sifting is through the Holy Spirit – who wants to turn our minds from human to holy.  And sometimes the sifting is just needing to see the blessing of the moment instead of missing the moment.  Without The Lord, we are far from fine. We are lumpy, compacted, firm, hard, unmixable. Our hearts are focused on flesh instead of faith, emotion instead of empathy, unfair instead of unimportant.

Is there anything in your life that has felt like sifting?  Has it been an attack from the enemy?  Was it revelation from The Lord?

So what now?  Sometimes the revelation of the sifting can be devastating.  Peter was horrified when he realized what he’d done by denying Christ.  But he remembered Jesus’ prayer, and he returned to The Lord and strengthened his fellow disciples and followers.  If you have been sifted, do not let it be another burden on your heart.  Let it be the answer to Christ’s prayer for you:  let it bring you back to full relationship with Jesus.  Let it be an encouragement to those around you.  Let it bring glory to the Father. 

For that is a sifted life.