No Longer Babies

But still can't feed themselves 

I saw this and realized I had never thought about the transition from being a baby bird fed by adults to being a self-sufficient bird who feeds himself. It’s a sweet and sad image. 

But it also got me thinking. This represents a system that has temporarily handicapped the bird. By having everything done and every need met, the young bird has no idea how to meet its own needs. I would guess there were some frustrating and hungry moments while he was learning to fend for himself. 

I’ve known some people like this bird. Handicapped by adults who did everything, provided everything, protected from everything…leaving them helpless when they reach adulthood. They walk around still expecting to be handed everything with very little effort on their part. Some of them learn quickly. Others go “hungry”for a good bit longer. 

And then I thought about scripture when Paul tells us that we should stop feeding on milk and desire meat. Babies live off milk. It is provided by others. A baby is at the mercy of whoever is feeding it - how much, what kind, what environment. Some Christians receive all of their biblical knowledge from the milk offered by others. Small doses based on the topics of interest controlled by others. Slow or stagnant growth confined to spaces with slow or stagnant growth. 

 And when meat is presented, they still expect to be fed, rather than to feed themselves. They do not know how to be nourished on anything else. They do not yet know how to hunt for the meat themselves. They see it. They desire it. But they cannot yet figure out how to obtain it. All because they were handicapped by being fed by others too long.

Our season of being babies - in our families or in our faith - is a short season. Shorter than any other season in our life. It is meant to be a temporary situation rather than a permanent station. And while we all eventually outgrow milk for meat in our physical bodies, it is not always guaranteed that we outgrow milk for meat in our spiritual bodies. 

If you are still wandering around making others feed you, start hunting. 

If you are still feeding others who should already be feeding themselves, let them fly and look for new babies to tend.

Different Growths

Still succeeding

 

A lot more young people who are struggling with belonging should see this. All the “popular and beautiful” people I saw in my teens and 20s were so shallow. But it seemed their value was found in the parts you could see. With maturity and discernment, I began to see the truth of their roots. And that’s helped me so much.

When the Grass is Greener

Staying on your side

There's a popular saying that "The grass is greener on the other side."  It means that your side isn't good enough, will never measure up, and you will always be missing that 'something special' that the other person has clearly found for themselves. It's a nagging reminder of your inferior state of being in the lackluster life you've settled for.  It's also a challenge - to dump the life you have, jump the fence, and get that perfect (blank) you've been eying. 

Maybe it's a career, an education, a fancy car or house; but most often it's a relationship.  It's that greener grass of a younger woman who is willing to have fun and hasn't let herself go after having kids like your wife has.  It's the man who is willing to spend time and money on you instead of being at the office all the time like your husband is.  It's the woman who understands how awful it must be for you as a husband to have a nagging wife who doesn't appreciate you and says she would never treat you that way.  It's the man who smiles at you and notices your new haircut and compliments your outfit after your husband didn't notice.

But then there's another saying: 

 Also worded like this:

This is a nice little counter to the first phrase.  This variation reminds a person that there might be more to the greener grass; there might be some personal responsibility - even accountability - involved.  It sounds like a very practical piece of advice for the daydreamer's dilemma:  Water your grass and your side of the fence will be just as green!

I'd like to disagree.

While I agree that 'watering your grass' is imperative to having greener grass (in keeping with the relationship analogy here), I don't think that's enough.  Here's a personal example:

When we bought our house last summer, we had a beautiful lawn.  And being that we're the second house in the neighborhood, my husband is insistent that we keep it pristine.  Looking good enough isn't good enough.  We have an irrigation system and so we learned how to set the timer and we watered our grass all summer and into the fall.  We matched our neighbors - no greener grass on the other side here!  Once freezing temperatures hit, we winterized our sprinkler system and slowly watched as all the grass turned brown.  Of course, so did our neighbors.  So at least we matched.

Fast forward a rough twelve weeks into Spring.  The grass was green again and even needed to be mowed.  We turned on our watering schedule again and thought we were done.  But then the dandelions popped up.  Dainty little yellow buds that left spots of color all over the backyard, in addition to the lettuce-looking leaves that came with them.  And then a clover patch took over a large square of our front yard.  Little cotton balls of white that just spread with the watering.  To make matters worse, we had two ant hills that had appeared.  Our grass was green, but it was also infested!

Remember my husband who wouldn't take good enough?  He immediately began doing online research and making phone calls for landscaping companies who could solve the problems.  However, upon learning that they wanted $500+ for less than six months of care, he had to look for other solutions.  I got to work pulling weeds. On hands and knees, I pulled dandelions up by the roots, I shoveled stubborn roots out of the dirt, and I hand raked vines of clover out of the yard.  It took a couple hours, and about three times to get it all.  Every week, more would pop up, but it was never as many as had been there before.  My husband went out and bought a high end weed and feed fertilizer and grass seed combination something or other and spread it across the yard.   Although raking clover out by the roots had left a bare patch in the yard, the new grass sprouted quickly and filled in the empty spaces.  He also bought insecticide and covered the yard with that as well.

But a funny thing happened.

As the new grass sprouted, it came in fuller.  But not just fuller; it came in greener.  And not just greener; it came in as an entirely new kind of grass.  Suddenly the yard we were trying to keep looking like the neighbors looked better than the neighbors!  Could it be that we had become the "greener grass on the other side?"

Our grass with the neighbor's in the background

Other side, other neighbor

Let's go back to our analogy:  I said I disagreed with the solution that watering your own grass would make your yard just as green.  I have proof that it takes more than that.  It takes more than the bare minimum to keep up with the neighbors.  It takes more than "good enough" to ensure that your grass stays green.  Oh, you might get green grass, but you're going to get the weeds and the clover and maybe even insects.  So who cares if your grass is green?  Do you enjoy looking at it?  Do you want to go put your feet in it?  Can you trust walking barefoot among the ant hills?  Who says green grass is enough?

You want green grass - it's going to take hard work.  You're going to have to pull the weeds and rake the clover.  Over and over and over until you get it all.  You're going to have to get to the root of the problems whether it's about the kids, the work schedule, the chores, the insults, the heartaches, the letdowns, whatever.  You're going to have to work.

You want green grass - it's going to leave bare places.  Once those roots are pulled up, it's going to leave an empty space that's going to need filled.  You're going to have to fill it with something healthy - something that should have been there all along.  Maybe it will be spending quality time together.  Maybe it will be speaking words of affirmation and love to one another.  Maybe it will be just holding each other tight with no words at all.  You're going to have to fill the bare places.

You want green grass - it's going to cost you.  You're going to have to invest in things you didn't think you'd need.  You're going to have to spend time, money, energy (or all three) to get the results you want.  It might be staying home instead of going out with friends so the two of you have only each other to pay attention to.  It might be having the hard conversations - the deep, gut-wrenching, but healing conversations - that leads to better understanding.  It might be going to counseling to get the kind of help you need but aren't equipped to do yourself.  You're going to have to pay the cost.

Just as I can now compare my yard to my neighbors' yards and see that watering isn't enough, you might need to look at the "greener grass" next to you and realize that what you are coveting isn't really what you need.  In fact, if you looked closely, it may not even be what you want.  Somewhere there are hidden weeds.  Oh, they might have pretty flowers on them, but they're still weeds.  Some of them even have a vine structure that spreads out and contaminates everything around it.  And somewhere there are hidden ant hills or fleas or maybe a mole.  And what you thought was so much better ends up being more trouble than you bargained for.

The saddest thing about looking at what someone else has is that you fail to see what you already possess.  All your yard needs is some TLC and you'd have the yard of your dreams.  You're tempted to believe the lie that comes with looking beyond what is already yours and you think you'll never have to put forth any effort to keep the other grass in it's green condition.  You couldn't be further from the truth - all yards need work.  Work to maintain, work to nurture, work to flourish.  What you see is maintenance; what you want is flourishing. 

Your yard might be in really bad shape right now. You might think the work is too hard.  The bare places are too many.  The cost is too high.  Maybe you think it's a lost cause.  I can assure you that if you think repairing your yard is too much, acquiring a different yard will not be any better.  The work may be different, but you will still have work to do.  The bare places may be fewer, but they will need filled nonetheless.  The cost may seem lower, but in the end, it will really take everything you're worth - and then some.

Reconsider.  Re-evaluate.  Reseed!

And if all that fails, there's still hope!

You can always re-sod!

His Will and My Will

How do I know for sure?

For those of us who have grown up in the Christian faith (or spent years as a saved adult, growing in the Word), we have often heard, discussed, or entertained thoughts surrounding the topic of following God's will and the ability to live by our own will.  They are two separate and distinct choices - neither interfering with the other.  God's will is not imposed on us, for He is not a dictator.  Nor does our free will change the nature of God.  The two coincide, many times warring against each other within our finite human minds.

However, as I have gotten older, I have found that I am more inclined (dare I say willing?) to hunger after God's will for me rather than do that which my flesh and emotions would have me to do.  It is not that I do not feel the human desire to follow my own path; it is that I am more clearly aware of the possibility of choosing incorrectly and facing consequences I would have avoided had I sought God's guidance instead.  Simply, God's way is better because it is right and, therefore, easier in the long run.

During this growth process, I have come to a personal conclusion for my prayer life.  But before sharing that revelation, I want to give you some scriptural background for this thought process.

While I haven't necessarily found explicit scriptures for our free will, there are scriptures that show us our ability to exercise the practice.  Deuteronomy 30:19 includes the phrase "...therefore, choose life..."; Joshua 24:15 says, "...choose you this day whom ye will serve..."; Matthew 6:33 states "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness..."  There are others, but this small sample confirms that we have the option of making right or wrong decisions, following our flesh or following God's lead.  And there are plenty of examples in the Bible of men and women making the wrong decision, leading them into years of exile, separation from God, even death (think Moses, Adam and Eve, Ananias and Sephira) .

The Bible is very clear about God's will - His will for His people, His future plans, and for us as individuals:

          John 6:40 - "For this is the will of God..."
          Matthew 18:14 - "...will of your Father which is in heaven..."
          Romans 8:27 - "...according to the will of God."
          Romans 12:2 -" ...that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."
          Ephesians 1:5 - "...according to the purpose of His will..."
          Colossians 1:9 - "...knowledge of His will..."
          1 Thessalonians 5:18 - "...for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."
          Hebrews 10:36 - "...after ye have done the will of God..."
        
God clearly has a plan, a perfect plan, that is for the good of all who love Him.  Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."  Loving Him means knowing and following His will.

That leads us to submission.  Hopefully, we all understand submission to mean putting our will under God's guidance and direction.  James 4:7 says, "Submit yourselves therefore to God..."; Matthew 6:33 tells us to "seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."  Scripture clearly explains that placing ourselves under God's authority will be beneficial to us.  However, the simplest example of this is found in Matthew 6, verse 10:  "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven."  When we pray, we are to subject our lives and our choices to God's will, because His plan is already ordained in the most high places.

So this all leads me to my revelation about my will versus the Lord's will.  In praying for guidance and direction about a particular situation one day, it came out of my mouth: "Lord, I submit my free will to you.  I give you authority over this situation.  I ask that your will is my desire."  Although I had all the practical ideals about God's will, and I could recall all the aforementioned (and other) scriptures as foundational knowledge of needing to pray for God's will, I had never applied the scriptures in this exact way.  In that moment, I suddenly realized that by voluntarily cutting off my free will and laying it down at the throne, I was freeing God to move mightily.  Perhaps more mightily than ever before.  In the past, I would pray the common, "Lord, your will, not mine" (Mark 14:36) scripture.  There's nothing wrong with that - it is the position Jesus took right before the crucifixion.  However, Jesus was perfect and never considered taking another approach to the situation.  I, on the other hand, have said "Your will, not mine," while thinking of other tactics, other approaches, other conversations, other outcomes, etc.  But on this day, my revelation day, I was prompted to focus solely on God's will.  In a moment, I immediately took God's perspective - even though I didn't know the outcome, and I don't know the larger details of the situation.  Talk about liberating!

Additionally, it was also very freeing to ask the Lord to make His will the desire of my heart.  If my heart is lined up to be in accordance with the plan He already wants to bring into fruition, how much easier is it for me to voluntarily see and follow that very plan?!?  In theory, we often say that God's will is the desire of our heart, but is that really what we feel?  Is that really what we are thinking?  Um, that's a no from me.  I'm doing all of those other options I discussed earlier.  But then that brings me to another scripture:  "If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you" (John 15:7).

If I'm so concerned about what to do, what not to do, what to say, what not to say, am I really abiding?  Abiding means living in or among something.  How can I be living among the Spirit of God, calling on the name of Jesus to guide me if I am not secure in my petitions?  If I'm praying His will and still wondering about whether or not I'm going to hear from Him (or be happy with the outcome!), then am I really abiding?  Probably not.  And according to this verse, I have to be abiding in Him in order to ask for and receive what I desire!  There's a stipulation to the Lord's follow through.  So taking my own point of view, setting it down in the lap of the One who knows best and letting Him tweak it makes the most sense.  When I allow Him to plant in me His plan, when I open myself to letting the desire of my heart be exactly what He wants for me, I cannot help but be blessed in multiple ways!

I have spent years thinking I was submitting to God's will, and maybe on some level I was.  But in the end, I was still spending time wondering what would happen next and whether or not I would recognize His hand once He moved.  Now, I am experiencing a new burden-free feeling.  Knowing that God will move when He is ready, and it will be in my best interest, changes my thought process and grows my trust in Him.

It is ironic to know that submitting my free will to God's will has allowed me to exercise more of my own free will!

Have you ever thought about your will versus God's will?  Do you think one can be stronger than the other?

Have you believed, like me, that you've submitted to The Lord, only to realize you haven't?  Were you able to pinpoint why you didn't completely trust it to Him?

If you are praying about something right now, I would like to challenge you to pray like I did:  "Lord, I submit my free will to you.  I give you authority over this situation.  I ask that your will is my desire." Ask the Father to change your heart and your perspective so that you can fully rely on Him, trusting that His Will is so much better than anything you can imagine!