When You're in the Struggle

And you want to quit

I haven't done much writing lately, here or anywhere else.  It's been a tough year already.  Actually, it started half way through 2018 and it just isn't letting up.  There have been health things and financial things and relationship things - one is bad enough, but all three just takes it out of you.  You become discouraged and burdened.  You feel alone in your troubles.  You want to talk through it, but there's also an element of wanting to keep it to yourself.  You're embarrassed you aren't handling it better.  You're prideful that you don't want to look weak.  You definitely aren't looking for pity.  So you go back and forth between wanting to cry/scream/vent and locking it all in/shutting down.  

But several weeks ago, a movie clip was shown at church that has continued to roll around in my head.  As I pondered the point made in the movie, I started to realize the result my struggle was having on me and those around me.  I also had a feeling that maybe someone else could use some encouragement with whatever battle they're fighting.  So instead of venting or shutting down, I'm sharing.

The movie is "Facing the Giants" by the Kendrick brothers.  Great Christian feel-good movie about overcoming.  But there is one point where the team already feels defeated and they haven't even played yet. It's about five and a half minutes of your time, and I really hope you'll watch it before continuing: Death Crawl.

Brock (the player) is challenged by his coach to do an exercise with another player on his back.  Brock knows he can go a particular distance alone.  He doesn't want the added weight, but he thinks he can still accomplish what's being asked of him. A bit cocky, he agrees to the task.

          - This is what we often do.  We find ourselves tasked with something. We approach it with disdain, but cocky confidence.  We don't want to do it, but we know we can do it.  We feel defiant - no way this illness/job/relationship/goal is going to beat me.  We get into a fighting stance, we dig deep, and we face it head on.  Especially if we feel it's something similar to what we've accomplished before.

Brock gets going down the field.  He's probably beginning to feel the strain on his body.  But it's the extra weight that he starts to focus on.  At minute 2:38 he tells his coach "It hurts."  At 2:45, he says "He's heavy." At 2:56, Brock cries out again, "It hurts!"  And his coach responds:  "I know it hurts!  You keep going!"

          - But this isn't like previous tasks.  It looked similar, but it isn't.  The weight, the distance, the darkness:  there's something about this struggle that plays with our heads.  There's a switch that gets flipped at some point and we're getting tired, we're getting weak.  "It hurts!"  It hurts to put my heart out there and let it be crushed.  It hurts to try and fail.  It hurts to carry the weight of others.  And yet, we're told to keep going.  Keep trying.  Keep pushing.

          - And like Brock, we cry out "It's hard!" This is no longer the task I thought I could complete.  This isn't a short goal.  This isn't at all like I imagined it would go when I first started.  It's harder than I thought it would be.  It's harder than I want it to be!  And we get distracted with all the doubts and fears and second thoughts. We wonder if the fight is worth it - and we wonder if maybe it's not really our fight.  Maybe the weight of the struggle is too much.  Maybe that relationship isn't worth saving.  Maybe that job wasn't supposed to be yours.  Maybe the dream you had belongs to someone else.  You're full of excuse. You're ready to give up.  What's the point? And that adds an entirely new level of pain and defeat.

And then there's the coach, screaming at you:  

         DON'T QUIT !!!

         DON'T QUIT !!!

         DON'T QUIT !!!

So you push and dig and try and try and try.  And it still hurts.  It burns!  Your body aches, your heart aches, your tears burn your cheeks as they fall.  There's no way you can go on. But the coach tells you "You can! Don't quit!"

Brock doesn't quit, but now it's only because of the coach yelling at him.  His only motivation is the voice telling him 20 more steps, 10 more steps.  He is drained and discouraged and counting down until that final step he can't even see: the end zone.

          - When we're feeling defeated, we feel like all our efforts have been wasted. We aren't paying attention to how far we've come; we only focus on the distance left to cover.  We focus on the burden of the struggle and not the growth that struggle is bringing us.  We get sucked into the personal darkness that says "You'll never get through this."  And maybe we think, "I don't even want to get through this anymore.  I just want it to stop." And we find all the excuses to support that decision, until we're reminded of one simple thing...

As Brock lays on the grass, exhausted and speechless, the coach tells him "You are the most influential person on this team.  If you walk around defeated, so will they."

          - And there's the ah moment for me.  My struggle for the last 8 months has left me feeling useless, incapable, discouraged, worried, weak, a poor steward, more irritable, less loving, definitely less patient, and overall defeated.  And if I am the person in my family that is usually the one pointing out the silver lining, imagine how everyone else must feel if my attitude has changed???

To the person who is usually optimistic, but is having a hard time being encouraging when faced with fear - You are the most influential person on your team!

To the employee who is working on a project, a promotion, a merger, but nothing is going as you’d hoped - You are the most influential person on your team!

To the spouse or parent who is struggling to get through this moment with a loved one and feeling alone - You are the most influential person on your team!

Whatever you’re going through, your efforts matter!  Your attitude, your approach, your determination are all making a difference. If you were to suddenly quit and physically walk away, every person involved would feel your absence. What you are bringing to the struggle is greater than you realize. You may not see it right now. You might be in a particularly difficult moment right now. But if you quit, it will adversely affect everyone else in your circle. Perhaps forever. 

As a Christian, this speaks to me even more deeply. What if my encouragement makes the difference in someone else being positive or negative? What if my determination makes the difference in a family member facing their problems? What if my relationship with Jesus shows someone else the hope He offers to each of us? And if I quit, if I walk away because it hurts and I’m tired and I’m defeated, those people also end up defeated.  My Coach, my God, has been spurring me on, showing me His hand, telling my heart "You can do this! Don't quit!"  And I have been letting my team down.  By worrying about these things, I have failed to lift up those around me.  Because I have chosen to dwell on the negative impact these things could have, I have missed the opportunity to see the positive things that have been happening.  My attitude has directly affected the attitude of people I love, and for that, I'm so very sorry. I don't have to be finished with the struggle to be finished with my defeat.  My team needs me to get back to the business of being a better influence.  

You are the most influential person on your team.  Who is your team?  Is it family? Is it work?  Is it yourself as you plan your future?  Your team will follow your lead.  Lead them as a fighter, digging deep and focused on the goal.  Even if it hurts, keep going.  

I'm not saying it's easy.  I'm not saying it's not heavy;  in fact, it's heavy more often than not. What I am saying is that this struggle is temporary.  It might be weeks long, months long, or years long, but compared to the span of your life, this struggle is not for forever.  And when you are feeling discouraged, look back if you are able.  Sometimes you need to remind yourself that you aren't in the same place you were a short time ago.  Even if you are only a few steps forward, that is still progress.  Do not take away the gains of the struggle just because you're focused on the burden of the struggle. You are closer to the finish than you think you are.  Keep the focus where it belongs - the end zone - and not on the weight and pain of the fight.  You’ll accomplish so much more than you ever thought possible. 

---

So There's This Article...

and I can't stay quiet...

There’s an article making its way around social media entitled “16 Ways Children of Divorce Love Differently.”  You can see the article by clicking on the title, but I've included her statements below before I put my responses.  The author, an admitted child of divorce, states the things she has learned and applied to her adult life after living through her parents’ divorce.  While she has the right to voice her opinions and personal experiences, she presents the list as if it's all-inclusive and factual for every child of divorce.  She lists hurts based on emotions and hopes based on those same emotions.  She uses childhood memories to make adult comparisons. Perhaps she was a different age than I was at the time her parents divorced, but her blanket statements aren't helpful.  Perhaps she experienced things with her parents' divorce that I didn't during mine, but that doesn't make her universal statements accurate.  And while her inaccuracy is evident to me, I keep seeing her article shared so I have to conclude that her inaccuracy is not evident to everyone else.  Again, she has a right to express her personal opinions; but not as comprehensive facts.  So as a child of divorce AND a divorced adult, I’d like to offer my own opinion and personal experience about what divorce did to me as a child AND to me as an adult who has had to parent children of divorce.  

The author, Maya Kachroo-Levine:  1. We love cautiously. We’ve seen heartbreak and not just in our own lives. We take commitments seriously, which is why we don’t make them often.

                Lori, the child of divorce:  1. I loved carelessly.  The aftermath of the divorce left me feeling unloved and unlovable.  At 19, I clung to the first guy who came along because I thought if I passed him up, no one else would want me and I might miss my only chance at love.  So I settled.

                Lori, the ex-wife and mother:  1. I loved carefully.  I learned that I had value outside of a man’s attention.  I got to know who I was as a woman and what I wanted in life.  And then I looked for someone who wanted me and wanted the life I was headed toward.  No more settling.


MKL 2. We believe in big love because we know it was at the root of our parents’ marriage, before it imploded. We believe in run-away-together kind of love stories, because we heard those stories first hand.

                Lori, the child of divorce:  2. I believed in big love because I saw it in other places.  Movies, music, and books assured me that big love existed.  So I looked for it in the marriages of my friends’ parents.  And I found it.   I just didn’t know how they’d obtained it.

                Lori, the ex-wife and mother:  2. I believed that lasting love was more important than big love.  Movies, music, and books sold big love - a product that made real love unrecognizable.  Big love was hard to maintain and had too many unrealistic expectations.  I wanted real love.

MKL 3. But we’re also pretty sure big love ends in shambles. We’ve never seen otherwise. Whenever we’ve seen passion and fire, we’ve also seen the wreckage it leaves behind.

                Lori, the child of divorce:  3. If love only came in “go big or go home” options, marriage wasn’t for me.  Big love was often punctuated with loud voices, passionate arguments, and melodramatic making up.  Big love looked a lot like the road to divorce.

                Lori, the ex-wife and mother:  3. Big love expectations diminished the value of little, intimate moments of love.  There could be passion and fire without the wreckage.  There could be soft voices and tender touches without first having a fight.  And those little moments added up to some really big love moments.

MKL 4. We optimistically believe that no love ever dies. We were told that “deep down” our parents still loved each other, even as one of them was moving out of the house. We wanted to believe that would always be true. That’s why when we break up with someone, whether it’s a significant other or a friend, we still believe a connection exists after the relationship ends.

                Lori, the child of divorce:  4. Sometimes the best thing a parent can do for the children is to get a divorce.  I knew my parents loved each other at one time, but that time was over.  And if it was over, then the best thing they did for me was to stop the cycle and move on.  I never optimistically believed they would someday get back together. And I didn't want them to.

                Lori, the ex-wife and mother:  4. Sometimes the best thing a parent can do for the children is to reassure them that it wasn’t their fault and they’ll always be loved.  My children never asked if we were getting back together.  They knew we weren’t.  I did not create optimism nor did they express it.  I created a secure, safe environment that allowed them to know things were now going to be better.


MKL 5. We take care of you. It doesn’t matter if we don’t know you, or we aren’t interested. It doesn’t matter if you’ve broken our heart in the past. We know what it’s like to take care of our parents even after they’ve taken their problems out on us and it translates to our daily life.

                Lori, the child of divorce:  5. I didn’t know how to take care of myself.  I was the audience of many adult performances.  If they couldn’t help themselves, they couldn’t help me.  And if I couldn’t help myself, I was of no use to anyone else.  

                Lori, the ex-wife and mother:  5. It’s not my job to take care of anyone else outside of my children, but I can be a great friend to those going through their own situation.  I’m not going to open up to everyone.  I’m not going to allow everyone to open up to me.  There is a level of protection that is now in place.  But my ability to finish a friend’s sentences or understand without her telling me is a gift I’ve had forced upon me.


MKL 6. Things like emotional stability pique our interest. It’s something we’ve never seen in a relationship, and we want it. We find people who come from good marriages or “normal families” fascinating, and hope this means they know more about functional relationships than we do.

                Lori, the child of divorce:  6. Things like emotional stability piqued my interest.  Watching other families get it right gave me hope.  I spent more time at friends’ homes than my own because I wanted to soak in their normalcy.  Even their frustrations were intriguing because they didn’t lead to fights.  I was studying the arts of communication, forgiveness, compromise, negotiations, love, acceptance, accountability, and friendship.

                Lori, the ex-wife and mother:  6. Things like emotional stability made me ask more questions.  I started to recognize normalcy, but I wanted to know how it was acquired.  How did a couple make things work after a few years?  How did they handle conflict?  How did they humble themselves and be vulnerable enough to let the other person really know and love them?


MKL 7. Love means questioning everything. We ask why over and over, even if we already know the answer. We need to reaffirm your love sometimes, just to make sure it’s still there. We need to make sure you have no ulterior motives, which we learned from our parents’ post-divorce paranoia.

                Lori, the child of divorce:  7. Insecurity meant questioning everything.  After the divorce, I was convinced that I was too much of something or too little of something to be of any value.  This led me to hide within myself and disappear as much as possible.  It also made me crave to be seen and known and loved.  The combination of insecure desire made me ill-equipped for marriage.

                Lori, the ex-wife and mother:  7. Loving yourself means questioning everything.  The one thing divorce teaches you is the right questions to ask.  You question your motives for dating – am I lonely?  Do I need affirmation?  Am I ready?  You question what you’re looking for – a good time?  A baby daddy?  A companion?  You no longer care about the kind of car he drives, but whether or not he can keep a job.  You don’t ask about his favorite sports team or food to get to know him; you ask about his family, his upbringing, his goals, his temperament, his thoughts on children, religion, and money.  You ask the questions that matter before you fall in love because the answers determine the kind of relationship you’re walking into.  You have to love yourself (and your children) enough to ensure you love the right man.

MKL 8. Loving one person for the rest of our life seems terrifying. Not because we want to cheat, just because we are incredibly unsure if two people can stay married forever and actually be happy.

                Lori, the child of divorce:  8. Loving one person for the rest of my life seemed impossible.  I was mad at everyone - my mom, my dad, my sister, my teachers, my friends.  Everyone had either done something to hurt me or couldn’t identify with how I felt.  There was no love.  That was the terrifying part.

                Lori, the ex-wife and mother:  8. Loving one person for the rest of my life was the goal.  I’d had one failed marriage.  When I was finally ready to put myself out there, to allow people to get to know me, I wasn’t looking for a good time.  I knew who I was, I knew what I wanted, and I was ready to get it right.  Loving one person for the rest of my life – and being loved in return – sounded like the greatest thing in the world.

MKL 9. Our separation anxiety shows in the way we love. We hold on to people, to memories, to anything we can grasp at. Even if we were never abandoned, we have a huge fear of abandonment which stuck with us from the irrational fears we had growing up.

                Lori, the child of divorce:  9. Not having my own space gave me anxiety.  After being in a home with arguments, broken promises, rejected affections, and sitting in a family room where no one would speak to one another, I was thankful for the alone time that came with the divorce.  I wanted to escape to my room, to process my thoughts without the fear of being a part of the drama.

                Lori, the ex-wife and mother:  9. The anxiety I felt in the marriage was relieved with the separation and divorce.  Although fears of abandonment came up years after my parents’ divorce, I wasn’t concerned with that as much as I was afraid of being unloved.  As my marriage dissolved due to his choices, I realized that being unloved wasn’t the worst thing that could happen.  There was a peace that came with my divorce.


MKL 10. We will love you for loving us in our worst moments. We sought comfort as children and not much has changed.

                Lori, the child of divorce:  10.  I will not believe you when you say you love me.  This carried over into my adult years.  Some days it still tries to haunt me.

                Lori, the ex-wife and mother:  10. If I want to be loved during my worst moments, I have to love others during their worst moments too.  It both breaks my heart and brings my heart to bursting when I look back on the times I have been treated with such love and kindness after I have been ugly.  That is surely true love.


MKL 11. We believe love will drive you to do crazy things because we’ve seen it first hand. We understand love can send you to great heights, even if it turns sour. It will drive us to follow you across the country if you ask, but will also make us pick the biggest fight you’ve ever been in.

                 Lori, the child of divorce:  11. I believed love drove you crazy.  Watching the pain my parents were in created a dilemma:  if they loved each other, why are they acting like they hate each other/but if they hate each other, why does it matter what the other person did?  Then as they tried to love me, they drove me crazy.  I wanted none of it.

                 Lori, the ex-wife and mother:  11. Love will stir me up to do crazy things, and fun things, and stupid things, and the best things.  Love, real love, inspired me to move to a new state with a man I’d known for only 10 weeks and marry him 8 weeks after that. He also came with five of his own children (making our brood a whooping 7).  We just started our 11^th year of marriage.  Crazy love will lead you down some of the craziest roads.  But they can also be the best roads.


MKL 12. We expect a lot. We come from single mothers who inspired us to get what we need before anything else. We come from a lifetime of watching fights and knowing there was an easier solution. We will demand that you find the easier solution.

                Lori, the child of divorce:  12.  I expected very little.  Life was a disappointment for many years.  I had no goals and it didn’t matter because I had no cheerleaders.  I had no reason to set the bar high so I didn’t.  That contributed to my first marriage.

                Lori, the ex-wife and mother:  12. I expect a lot.  Of myself.  I had to learn to forgive my parents for things they’d done, but mostly for things I laid at their feet.  I had to learn to take accountability for my own choices and my own feelings of inadequacy.  I had to set an example for my children so they didn’t inherit the insecurities and pain from their parents’ divorce that I felt I’d inherited from my parents’ divorce.  I expect a lot of my marriage.  Like communication, and respect, and forgiveness, and authenticity, and friendship.  I expect it because those things are required if this second marriage is going to succeed.


MKL 13. We find problems after the first date. We’re trained to see the failures before the successes.

                Lori, the child of divorce:  13.  I overlooked problems on first dates.  I was too caught up in my own failures to see the failures of anyone else.  Things that should have been red flags were ignored – why would I judge him when I’m so afraid of being judged myself? Again, this contributed to my failed marriage.

                Lori, the ex-wife and mother:  13. I didn’t look for problems, but when a deal breaker came up, I was done.  I learned to get to the big stuff, the stuff that mattered (see #7).  But I also knew that I couldn’t change a person.  I had a list of things I was willing to compromise and a list of things I wouldn’t compromise.  You can believe, I didn’t settle this time (see #1).


MKL 14. We are generally difficult people to love. We are unsure of what love to accept. We don’t know what’s too much. Honestly, we think most love is too much.

                Lori, the child of divorce:  14. I felt I was a difficult person to love.  On one hand, I thought I was unlovable because of my home dynamics/dysfunction.  On the other hand, my internal struggle made me very silent, very moody, and very unpleasant to be around.

                Lori, the ex-wife and mother:  14. I have my bad days, but I am not difficult to like.  I have determined to remake myself into someone likeable.  I am intentional about my friendships, my compassion, my humor, my conversation.  I do not want to be difficult to know or difficult to be around.  I do not want to be smothered, but I certainly do not want to separate myself from others.


MKL 15. We forgive easily. If you stomp on our hearts, we’ll still take your call. There was always a time when we thought our parents would forgive each other and so we assume more lenience is necessary.

                Lori, the child of divorce:  15. I forgave easily, but I didn’t trust anyone close to me.  I knew the value of forgiveness, but I didn’t understand that it was a process.  I was still left with anger and feelings of being let down.  Despite wanting to have a healed heart, it didn’t happen for years.

                Lori, the ex-wife and mother:  15.  I forgive easily, but I don’t forget.  I no longer hold the anger and hurt too long.  I analyze it and play it over and over…and then I let it go.  But I remember what’s been said and done.  Until a person can take accountability for their part and seek reconciliation, I am on guard.  I may love them; I may forgive them; but I maintain a level of protection from further damage.


MKL 16. No matter how soon we feel love, we won’t say it. We are never the first to say, “I love you.” We don’t ever want to feel that vulnerable.

                Lori, the child of divorce:  16. I thought “I love you” was used too often and too loosely.  It had no depth or value to me because it had been tarnished in being used during moments that really had nothing to do with love, but more with expectation.

                Lori, the ex-wife and mother:  16. I say “I love you” as often as I can to the ones who need to hear it.  I am still learning what real love is, but I don’t withhold it.  Saying “I love you” means something to me.  They aren’t just words – they’re affirmations from me to someone else.  They are syllables meant to lift up and encourage.  They are a promise meant for special moments and everyday moments.  They are a gift to those who know me best and a blessing to those who least expect it.  I have no problem saying it first; because if I say it first, then you really know I mean it.

Added just from my personal experience:

Reasons for divorce:

                Lori, the child of divorce:  One parent is always more wrong than the other one.  I heard a lot, but I also saw a lot.  "Actions speak louder than words" was constantly going through my mind.

                Lori, the ex-wife and mother:  One parent might do more wrong, but both people made mistakes that led to the divorce.  I can look back now and see where I failed as a wife.  I can look at my second marriage and see where I am a much better spouse this time than I was the first time.  I have to forgive myself for that.  And let that be a part of forgiving my ex.


The perspective of a child:

                Lori, the child of divorce:  It's easy to take a side because you know what's happening.  Sometimes you switch from being loyal to mom to being loyal to dad.  But you see and hear what the one is doing and saying to the other and you know what's right and wrong.

                Lori, the ex-wife and mother:  You had no idea what was going on.  Many times, memories stay with us.  But our memories don't age with us; they stay stuck in our minds at the age in which they happened to us, along with the emotions that came with that experience.  Not everything is as it seemed. It's only later, as we mature and have our own life experiences that we can reevaluate those memories with greater knowledge.  The memory of a moment may have had many levels to it and missing information.  The loyalty that came so easily years ago may need to be adjusted.  There isn't always a "good" parent and a "bad" parent.  Sometimes there's just a bad marriage.  As an adult, it's necessary to examine childhood memories with new insight and maturity so that I can accept that my parents are human and they were doing the best they could, given the situation. 

The Prodigal Son Part 2

A spared child...

Luke 15:25-32  “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’ The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’ ‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

In part one, I explained how I've really felt badly for this Older Son for quite a while.  But The Lord began to show me more of the story - the forgotten blessings of being the good son.

This Older Son had been so angered by the return of his brother, so upset for himself, that he forgot how good his life has been.  His father tells him "Everything I have is yours."  The son is already enjoying the blessings of his relationship with his father.  He has always provided for- every need of food, clothing, shelter, and a job.  He has never been ostracized from family or lost his station in society.  He has never walked the road of needing delivered from squander, homelessness, filth, or addiction.  In doing everything he was supposed to, he lived the life he desired.  He may not have left home and experienced a different life, but he did get the life he chose - he chose not to leave home when his brother chose to leave home.

So why did he think he needed recognition for doing the right thing?
Why did he think he deserved a party for taking care of his responsibilities?

Because he isn't thinking about what he has.  He's thinking about what he doesn't have.  He didn't have the excitement and good times his brother had.  He's missed out on so much!  He's forgetting that in missing out on his brother's escapades, he's also missed out on his brother's heartache.

And now I can see that he ABSOLUTELY mattered to his father!  His father kept him in the home, working with him daily, enjoying a relationship with him despite his brother's absence.  Large parties and celebrations didn't happen because every day was a joy to the father who had one of his son's home.  And in being home, the Older Son had many, many more moments and memories with his father than his brother, who missed out on them by being gone.  What is truly sad is that in all his thinking of being the "good son," what became evident was his evil heart.  He couldn't even be happy that his brother was home, safe and reconciled.  Because I have identified with the Older Son, that has also been my heart:  evil and jealous, unable to find joy for someone else in their repentance and blessing because I was so focused on how I was being left out and being "good."

The beauty of the story of the Prodigal Son is that of the wayward son who realized his mistakes and, in humility, came home to reconcile with a father who ran to greet him with open arms.  It is a picture Jesus wanted to instill in us as the picture of our Heavenly Father when one of His children comes running to Him for forgiveness.  The hidden beauty of the story of the Prodigal Son is that of the compliant son who shows us his hurting heart at his perceived injustice of the situation.  By looking deeper, we can see that while he is hurt, he is also wrong.  He has been blessed and rewarded many, many times over.

I can imagine the conversation between the two brothers:

Older:  It's so unfair that you got a celebration for doing everything wrong when I've been here, having no fun, and doing everything right.  How lucky are you!

Younger:  If you think my life away was fun, let me tell you about starvation. And having no bath.  And living with the pigs.  If I could, I would trade all that time back for a chance to stay here and work in the field.  You were the lucky one.

It is in this same way that God our Father blesses us when we are faithful.  We are spared the tragedy of separation from Him when we are living obedient lives.  We are kept close in relationship with Him when we choose to follow His Son.  We do not get the heavenly choir of approval singing over us every day, but we do have a life full of joy and peace and guidance because we have a Father who knows we are where we belong.  We may miss some of the "fun" of the world, but we are also missing the consequences of that fun.  And we may be living to a standard that isn't always easy or enjoyable, but we are living a life we chose - a life with Christ.

In my years of feeling sorry for and identifying with the Older Son, I missed the blessing of being where I am and what I've been spared.  I do not have a dramatic salvation story or a life of hardship turned 180 upon giving my life over to Jesus.  But I also do not bear the scars of such hard living.  I instead have the sweet treasures and memories of my Father's attention and affection.  I have the evidence of His love in my daily life as He has led me and guided me and preserved me.  I have the security of knowing that all my needs are met, as are many desires.  I have learned that while it can be frustrating to do the right thing and not be celebrated for it, it is better than the alternative of living a hard life because the need for attention is greater than the love being offered.

I am so thankful to be the Older Son, or daughter in my case.  I am so thankful that I have not had to learn the hard lessons of running from my true calling as a child of God.  But the truth is, we are all Prodigal Sons and Daughters.  We have all been without God at some point in our lives.  For every one of us, there was a time before we decided to believe in and trust in Jesus as our Savior.  There was a moment in which we were the Prodigal Son running for the Father's arms as He ran toward us, joyful that we had come to Him.

For some, you are still living without the Father by refusing Jesus as your Savior.  The Father still waits, looking in the distance to see a figure running for His arms, crying out for forgiveness.  So we can all identify with the Prodigal Son:  doing our own thing, realizing it's not working, and returning to the One who has loved us all along. 

Don't stay away one second more!  The Father is waiting.  He will celebrate your arrival.  And this time, all of His sons and daughters will celebrate with Him.

"Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent." Luke 15:4-7