Love is...

...not what I thought...

“Love is patient, love is kind...” Most of us have heard the beginning of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a enough to recognize it.  Throughout my years as a Christian, I always viewed this passage as a list of things I'd be if I was loving someone correctly. And it is a list of those things. But I’ve recently had an epiphany. 

You see, I struggle with loving people.  Of course, I love my family.  I might not always like what they say or do, but I love them.  And I love my friends because they're the ones I get to choose to have in my life.  But others? Strangers, acquaintances, coworkers...some of those people are HARD to love.  Who am I kidding.  Sometimes friends and family are hard to love!  Because I want people to be like me.  I want them to be respectful and honest and nice and don't cut me off! (I really struggle with bad drivers.) Don't take their bad day out on me; don't make me late; don't put my life at risk; and don't be rude!  Yeah, I struggle.

I pray and ask God for His heart for people a lot.  More often I'm asking Him to forgive me for how I reacted to those people I'm having a hard time loving.  I'm trying to do better and I'm being honest.  Anyway...I was praying about how to love others as Christ loves us. And the Lord brought the verses of 1 Corinthians 13 to mind. Only this time, instead of a list of all the things I should be to the individuals I love, I thought of it as examples of ways to show love to others.  Actions versus feelings.

"Love is patient" with the new cashier learning her job when I just want to get home. 

"Love is kind" to the neighbor who always seems to be in a bad mood. 

"It does not envy" the person on social media who can afford all the things, but has no one who truly appreciates them.

"It does not boast" to the friend who is struggling to get through just one more day.

"It is not proud" when humility is what will touch a heart more.

"It does not dishonor others" by telling lies or being disrespectful.

"It is not self-seeking" and rather seeks opportunities to help others.

"It is not easily angered" and instead tries to find out the root cause of the situation.

"It keeps no records of wrongs" because I know I too have a long list of wrongs people could pull out - but they don't.

"Love does not delight in evil" even if it's popular with the crowd.

"But rejoices with truth" even if it's unpopular and gets you laughed at.

"It always protects" those who cannot protect themselves.

"Always trusts" that even the ugly stuff can be used for good if we let God have it all.

"Love never fails" to look for the silver lining, the big picture, the greater perspective, because everything is temporary.

There are still going to be people I meet that I won't love. Not like I love my husband, or my kids, or my friends and family. But I can show God’s love in my actions. Maybe this isn’t as mind blowing for you, but it’s a struggle I’ve had for years. I have people in my life who have treated me with love from the moment I met them. And I want to be like that. But I fail so much. This new approach to love gives me hope that I can do better at succeeding. Love doesn’t have to be intimate. Jesus didn’t open His heart (emotions) to every person He met. But He did open His mouth and His arms. He gave of His time and His gifts. He chose to give when there was no promise of a return. 

And ironically, I’ve been experiencing this kind of action love in my life this month. Moments of success that gave me joy without ever realizing I was watching the Lord teach me about these verses. 

Sometimes love is answering an email from someone you haven't spoken to in months and find that they are really hurting and needing help.  And they remembered a kind word you spoke to them so they chose you to open up to. Because of you, they get the help they need.

 

Sometimes love is helping someone with an extra cart because the cashier has nowhere to put the grocery bags, but they aren't done unloading their items.

 

Sometimes love is offering to take a picture for strangers so they can both be in the photo.

 

Sometimes love is making eye contact and smiling at someone.

 

In our lives, love is a word used too often and too flippantly.  We love our significant other, our pet, our sofa, our TV show, our tacos, our shoes, and our filters.  But love is also a word not said enough.  Not genuinely.  Some people struggle to say it because of how overused it is.  Some people never say it because it never meant anything special when it was said to them.  So how do you love people?  You have to show them.  Now I feel I'm better equipped to do that. And it turns out, I've been doing it all along.  I just didn't know it.

Final Reflections

What.A.Year.

 

Unless you've lived under a rock or off the grid, you know that 2020 has been quite the year.  It's not the year anyone expected - or wanted.  And yet, here we are, in the final stretch of days.  

In preparation for this post, I went back and read my hopes for 2020.  You can find it here if you're interested.  I enjoyed reminiscing and appreciated where I had been, not knowing what was coming in just a few short months.  And seeing what I'd hoped for in my life based on my 2020 word: FINALLY.

What you may or may not have noticed, I had only two blog posts this year (before today's).  They were both on January 1st.  And then life.  And then the plague.  And then all stop.  Do not pass go.  Do not collect $200.  In the act of survival and sanity, writing encouragements just didn't seem to matter.  And honestly, it didn't feel like anything worth writing about was happening.

But as I looked back over the last twelve months, I realized the Lord was working my word into my life without me even catching it most days.  I had gotten so distracted with the news and the non-living, that I'd missed the beautiful weaving He was doing amidst the chaos.

In 2020, these things FINALLY happened:

- We sold our house.  That's right.  After 18 months of marketing and showings and disappointments, we finally sold our house during a pandemic. God has a sense of humor!

- We moved off east coast.  My spirit had been telling me to get off the coast for the last two years.  Selling our house gave us the opportunity to finally move to the mountains!

 

- We bought our dream retirement home.  During 18 months of attempting to sell, we looked at a lot of houses online.  A LOT.  Some we'd save.  Then they'd sell.  Then we'd start over.  One house in particular we loved.  I even saved pictures of the kitchen.  I had them in my camera app.  I had emailed them to myself. I had emailed them to my husband.  But the house would then be taken off the market.  On and off it went for almost two years.  Then our house went under contract.  And the house we loved?  It came back on the market.  At a lower price.  With over 3 acres of land.  We bought the house, site unseen, in the parking lot of a shopping center six hours away.  And since moving in, we've had numerous confirmations that this is the home God had been saving for us.  Finally!

 

- We have a view.  The number one and two things on my wish list for a retirement home were large windows for natural light and a view.  I finally have both.  And it's gorgeous!

- We're within two hours of our grandkids.  This has been such a blessing.  Most of our kids are scattered across the US.  So to finally be close to our three grandbabies is the best.

- I found a specialist for my autoimmune care.  While we wanted to move to a small area, away from the hustle and bustle, we didn't realize it would be a bit of work to find the services we need.  It took a lot of phone calls, and almost 10 weeks, but I finally found a doctor to transfer my records to and resume care.  That was a huge relief.

- I have ladies to do Bible study with.  One of the ways the Lord has confirmed our move to us is our neighbors.  We are one set of four couples who live in the neighborhood full time (everyone else is seasonal or vacations here).  And these ladies are incredible!  I am so thankful to finally have some neighbor ladies to do life with.

- We're experiencing seasons again.  For many years, the only season we had revolved around the humidity point and the ever unchanging pine trees.  But here we have fall colors!  And snow!  We can finally look forward to a real spring and a real fall instead of 3-5 days of teasing before getting hot again.

- We hosted 4 out of our 7 kids for Thanksgiving.  This is my holiday.  I love the food and laughter and games and relaxation.  And this was the first time in years we were able to have more than just a couple of the kids home.  My wish of having everyone home for Thanksgiving is finally looking like a possibility.

 

- We enjoyed waking up to a blanket of white.  I said we got snow here.  It's average annual snowfall is five inches.  It's snowed twice since December 1st, accumulating a total of about 6.5 inches.  In less than 30 days, we surpassed the annual average.  That's crazy and unexpected and so beautiful.  Add that I have big windows and a front row view of everything covered in snow, and I'm finally home.

Lest anyone think I'm bragging that I have this amazing life while everyone else is suffering and scared and just trying to survive, our lives aren't perfect. We've had setbacks and disappointments.  But after my failure to realize the Lord working in 2019 amid all my struggles, I decided to focus on the positive of this year.  This year has already had enough sadness and change and "new normal" absurdity.  I chose to see where we were on January 1st and list all the things that FINALLY came together over the last twelve months.

And that's what I hope you do as well.  Look back over the last twelve months and figure out what goes on your list of "finally."  Did you finally finish that book?  Did you finally clean out your closet?  Did you finally reconnect with that friendship?  Did you finally make time to make messes with the kids?  Did you finally figure out your worth?  Did you finally just breathe?  I know you accomplished some things.  They don't have to be grandiose. They don't have to be public.  They just have to be important to you. 

I hope you'll reflect and give yourself some credit for making it this year.  Give God thanks for getting you to today.  And ask Him how He can prepare you to face the coming year.  We clearly have no idea what it could possibly hold.  But He does.  And He'll walk through it with you if you let Him.