Hell…

 ...it's a real place.

My daughter and I were talking about fears we have. I said the fear of not being able to escape - if you don’t, you’ll die. Then I said “Or the fear that you get out, but there’s still someone else trapped.”

And instantly I had an analogy. 

Because this is the world we live in. Some of us have escaped circumstances while others remain. Some of us are no longer trapped by abuses or financial lack while others still struggle.

But that’s not the analogy that hit me. What I instantly thought of is hell.

There are those of us who heard, read, and understand our need for a savior because of our sins. And while we have escaped eternal suffering, we are surrounded by countless others who are still headed for disaster. 

We who were once trapped have escaped. But there are still people trapped. Why doesn’t that bother us more? Why doesn’t that motivate us more. 

If a house is burning with people inside, shouldn’t every effort be made to save them? Even if we risk other human life to save theirs? This is exactly the picture we should have in mind. 

Hell is a real place. There will be no escape. Those who have been shown the way out need to be showing others the way out. No one should be left to burn.

Craving Perfection

 It's how we're created! 

We crave perfection. The perfect outfit, the perfect grades, the perfect painting, the perfect house, the perfect lawn. We crave it because it’s how we were created to be - originally perfect. Perfect in our speech. Perfect in our treatment of others. Perfect in how we behave. Perfect in how we think about ourselves. And perfect in our relationship with the One who created us. 

But then everything changed. And perfection doesn’t exist anymore. Oh, we get glimpses of it from time to time. Sometimes we do end up with the perfect outfit or the perfect job or the perfect partner. But perfection doesn’t last. It’s momentary. Even the perfect sunset quickly turns to darkness. The perfect tree loses its shape if the storm blows it down. A perfect outfit gets stained or becomes too small.  And a perfect relationship ends up having a few bumps in the road. 

But it doesn’t stop us from craving perfection, which in and of itself isn’t a bad thing. You just need to keep in mind where that craving comes from. Rather than look for perfection in areas that can never truly be perfect this side of heaven, we need to be looking for perfection in the only One who can be perfect; the One Whose only goal for us is to make us more like Him.

No Condemnation

But there is love 

I have lost track of the number of people who have stopped talking to me over my life. Friends, family members - both believers and unbelievers. Whether it’s from shame, embarrassment, maybe it’s fear of judgment. I don’t know. Most of the time I’ve never been given the opportunity to ask why I’ve been rejected and ignored after loving them. The Bible says “there is no condemnation in Christ.” As a follower of Him, there’s an element of that verse that applies to me too. It is not my job to condemn or shame or berate or in anyway make another person feel less than simply because we don’t agree on any given topic or choice. It is my job to love. The truth is that sometimes love includes correction and correction can be uncomfortable. Sometimes hearing hard truths can feel like judgment. But I think if people who have so easily been able to ignore me would search their memories and reflect on all the times that I listened or advised or helped, maybe they would see that my motive has always been love. My heart has never been to be estranged from anyone that I’ve loved.

Unfortunately, it’s not up to me to force the relationship if the other person doesn’t want one. Ironically, it’s the same thing with the Lord. He doesn’t force a relationship with us. But how His heart must hurt from the rejection and being ignored when all He’s ever done is love and offer no condemnation.

What Satisfies?

 More than chocolate!

 The marketing team at the Mars Corporation was genius when it came up with this slogan.

When hungry (who are we kidding, we’re hangry), this little bar provides instant relief. A little protein, a lot of sweetness - it fills both your mouth and your belly. It comes in sizes easy to carry or to share with others. And every time you have one, you remember how good it is. It “satisfies.” But if you don’t open it, none of those things happen. You stay hungry, unfilled. It doesn’t matter that you have it in your possession because it’s intended use isn’t realized until it’s been opened. 

Psalm 119:103 says “How sweet are Your words to my taste! Yes, sweeter than honey to my mouth!” God’s words are His scriptures. Filled with wisdom and guidance and correction and love and forgiveness and mercy and grace and blessing and compassion and comfort and hope. His words fill our minds and hearts with joy and peace. Our hungry souls are fed and satisfied. We can gain this for ourselves and share it with others. And you’re reminded of how very good He is. HE satisfies. But if you don’t open His Word, none of those things happen. We remain in need, starving and empty. Holding the closed book close to us does nothing with the goodness inside. Its purpose is left undone. We suffer for it. Those around us suffer for it. What a simple, yet powerful, image of what many of us do daily/weekly/monthly/yearly. Living unsatisfied lives because we do not open the very thing that gives us Life.

Soul Searching

 And still struggling

Do you ever just find yourself in a season of “what’s wrong with me?” When you think you’re doing all the right things and yet there’s no success? I feel like my season has been extra long. The daylight’s saving time of extra - but in darkness instead of light. The efforts feel wasted with no product to show for them. I’m sowing in good soil, I’m just not seeing fruit. I’ve always laughed at my black thumb when it comes to plants. I’ve often said I’m a hospice to anything potted. I’ll do all I know to do, but in the end, my good intentions still fail, and I’m left with a pitiful, dead mess. Even if I change the types of plants, don’t overdo the sunshine or water, it doesn’t make a difference. Only now I’m catching myself drawing a parallel between my failures at plant keeping and my failures at sowing things around me. Good soil, good intentions, still failure. Why is that? What’s wrong with me? 

🥀Am I too much? 

🥀Not enough? 

🥀Too loud? 

🥀Too cautious? 

🥀Too old? 

🥀Too young? 

🥀Too available? 

🥀Too easily forgotten? 

 My pain is caught in that last one. Do I leave a room and it’s as if I was never in it? Or do I leave a room and they breathe a sign of relief? I’m not sure which is worse. They both would leave a deep wound. 

 🪴People are busy. 

🪴They have different interests. 

🪴They are in their own season. 

🪴Their needs are already being met.

But my soul searching simply brings me to the same conclusion: I’m the common denominator. Trying different things with different circles brings the same results. So what’s wrong with me? I don’t have any answers. I wish I did. Suggestions and advice on what I’m doing to sabotage every effort would be helpful. But I lack that too. And many will be quick to say “there’s nothing wrong with you!” But I can’t believe that. I should be drawing something good to me, even if it’s small. If I repel everything, that’s a problem. There’s a hard truth here somewhere. Someone holds the key. I’d like to unlock the secret so I can make the necessary changes to whatever is wrong. It’s a strange place to be in: wanting to do better, but not knowing what to adjust. I’m sure I’m not alone. I’m sure others shed tears in private, questioning their worth and likability. Ironically, we’re not often finding one another, despite our ability to understand and build each other up. Or perhaps we do find each other and don’t know it. Maybe we’re too good at hiding the loneliness and insecurity so we don’t recognize one another. 

☀️ And there’s the ray of light in this moment: that in my vulnerability, I will speak to someone else in their extra long season of (fill in the blank) and show them I’m here. That despite my own doubts and failures, I’ll raise my hand so you can find me. So that I can reach for your hand and offer a quiet hug of understanding and whisper “there’s nothing wrong with us; but if there is, let’s help each other fix it.”

Crying for Help

 ...and not seeing any... 

Have you ever been in a situation that seemed over your head?  No matter what solutions you tried, you simply couldn't make the circumstances better (or go away).  And when you asked for help, it appeared no one cared and just wanted you to figure it out for yourself?  What if who you were asking for help was...God?  And He didn't seem to be answering?

Several years ago, as a young adult fresh out of high school, one of our daughters had a stalker.  He would drive by our house, he'd call her phone and send texts, he's show up in places he shouldn't have known she would be.  The police said that without an incident or a restraining order, there was nothing they could do.  

One of the stalker's favorite things was to show up at her job and simply hang out "as a customer."  He would go in every day.  If she wasn't working, he would ask for her schedule so he'd know exactly when he needed to show up again.  Despite our daughter going to her management, this man continued to show up at work and ask her coworkers about her.  Even I tried speaking to the managers to express how they were failing to protect her and her privacy. We were told that as long as he was a customer and he wasn't doing anything to interfere with her job, he couldn't be stopped.  However, they did tell the department not to give out her schedule.

This went on for months.  The process to get a restraining order is long and full of red tape. Because he hadn't (yet) proven to be a physical threat, it would be hard to get a judge to order one.  So this guy got to follow her around and harass her just because he could.  Our daughter was anxious, upset, and dreaded going to work on a daily basis.

It happened one afternoon that my husband had an appointment and said he'd like to take her work since it was on his way.  They enjoyed a nice chat until they pulled into the parking lot of her job and she saw the stalker just getting out of his truck.  Immediately she was near tears as she said, "He's here before I even walk in!  I can't get away from him!" Her father had listened to her try to do all the right things for weeks with no results.  And he'd had enough. 

He told her to "go ahead inside, I'm right behind you."

What she heard was "go ahead inside."

Heartbroken and scared, she got out of the vehicle and walked into her job, never noticing that her father got out and followed her in.  His eye was on her the entire time.  She went straight to her department to clock in.  Her father followed.  And found her stalker standing just feet away from where his daughter would be working in just a few moments.

Knowing his name and his ambitions for the military, my husband struck up a friendly conversation.  The guy had no idea what was about to take place.  He smiled at my husband and answered a few questions.  Then he asked how my husband knew his name.  "Oh, that's because I'm xxxxx's dad."  You could have heard a pin drop.  Our daughter's coworkers were watching it all play out in real time - the smile fade, the nervous look around, the sizing up of what this father was now going to do.  And my husband, the father of my children, told this guy that if he wanted to pursue a career in the military, he'd need to make different choices.  Better choices.  Because an arrest for stalking wouldn't be looked upon with favor if he decided to enlist.  My husband made no threats.  He didn't touch him.  He didn't even raise his voice. He simply stated that he would use whatever legal recourse available to him to protect his daughter if the man would not stop harassing her.  And then my husband walked away.  But not before going to speak to our daughter's management.  He reminded them that it was their job to protect their employees and that meant not allowing anyone to harass, follow, or upset them to the point of feeling unsafe at work.  He also reminded them that they can refuse service to any "customer" at any time and ban this guy from the store.  But that no matter what they decided, he would make sure that his daughter felt safe wherever it was she decided to work. And then he left for his appointment.

What she had tried to fix for months, her father handled in ten minutes.

I think sometimes God works that way.  We try so hard to solve our problems.  Sometimes they're problems we've created so we think we have to fix them.  Other times the problem is because of someone else and we think we have to regain control.  And even when we get to a point where we pray and cry and seek God because "I don't know how to fix this!" we don't always get that warm feeling that He's waved His hand and made it all disappear. 

We tell Him our problem and He says “go ahead, move forward. Do what you’re supposed to.” And we think “what?! How am I supposed to solve this? You said come to You and now You’re telling me to just go about my business?”

Yet He’s right behind us, bringing up the rear, re-enforcement we don’t even realize. He is the solution, He is handling what He knows we cannot. But we’re too stressed and worried to notice Him. 

Our daughter still talks about the day her dad confronted her stalker.  She still tells the story from her perspective, that she "didn't know he got out of the car.  I just remember thinking, ok, I have to go in here alone because Dad has to go.  I didn't know he followed me in.  But I'm so glad he did!"

That day showed her a tangible example of her father's love for her.  He showed up even when she
didn't know he was there.  He didn't leave her to fend for herself anymore.  What a beautiful moment for her heart!

My friend, I pray that this story and analogy will somehow give you a beautiful moment for your heart as well.  Perhaps you can look at a situation you are going through, or something you've experienced, and see the Father's love as He is not leaving you.  Just because you didn't hear all of His words or see Him walking beside you, doesn't mean He has hung back while you continue to fight a losing battle.  He is here - going before you and coming behind you, to defend you, His precious child.

The Struggle for Equality

It's not what you think it is

We live in a world with very blatant inequality.  I'm not disputing that.  Statistically women get paid less than their male counterparts for doing the same exact job.  And they pay more for similar products or services than men.  Ethnicities are treated better or harsher. Politics, sexuality, education level, finances...rampant inequality.  And I acknowledge that it's happening. But that's not where I'm going with this post.

Often when we think of equality, we think of "sameness."  If I'm a factory worker and work on the assembly line with 15 years of experience, I want the same pay as the guy next me doing the same exact task with the same 15 years of experience.  If two people with the same education and experience are up for a job, skin color or accent shouldn't make a difference in qualifications. That would make sense.  But the equality that we find in our daily lives tends to be a bit more gray.

And I'm going to challenge you:  what you're looking for isn't equality.  It's fairness.

When you go shopping, do you want "sameness?"  All the shirts are the same color, same size, same brand?  Do you hope for every car in the parking lot to look just like yours?  Do you buy the first house you see because you fully expect every other house for sale is exactly like this one?  NO!!!

What you want is that a small sized shirt will cost the same as the medium one.  You want a car that represents your personality and needs that is competitive in price with other similar options.  You want a home that will provide space for your family while also fitting your budget.  Fairness, not equality.

What about gift giving holidays for your children?  Do you choose fairness or equality?  What's the difference?

Equality says "I have three kids and they need to have the same number of gifts."  What you may or may not do is then spend the same amount of money on them as well.  In which case, you'll be hard pressed to get the same amount of gifts for the same amount of money if your kids are 3yo, 8yo, and 15yo.  Good luck!

Fairness says "I have three kids and I will spend the same amount of money on each one."  One year our teenager wanted a bass guitar.  We told him that would use up his entire gift budget.  He didn't care.  He was ok having only one gift.  Later his sister had the same budget. But she was interested in different things and so her money went into several gifts.  Should we have been equal and gotten her a bass guitar?  No way!  But we were fair and spent the same amount of money on each of them, even though the quantity and quality of the gifts was not equal.

Here's another example of equality gone awry.  Many years (decades) ago, I had just moved out and gone away to college.  There was a popular song that came out and the chorus was about a letter a mother had given her daughter, encouraging her to always call home.  "Here's a penny for your thoughts and a quarter for the call."  It always reminded me of my own mom, who I would call often.  One day I mentioned the song to her and how it always made me think of her.  For Christmas that year (long before we stopped celebrating), my mom had printed those lyrics and taped a penny and a quarter to the paper in place of the words and framed it to give to me.  I loved it!  It was the most special gift.  I treasured that $0.26 framed song and put it on my desk.  During a visit home sometime later, I went into my sister's room - and saw a frame that was identical to mine.  I asked her where she got it.  "Oh, Mom gave it to me.  She says it's from a song, but I've never heard of it."  I was heartbroken.  What was something special between me and my mother was no longer special because my mom had given the same exact gift to my sister.  And my sister had no reference to truly appreciate the gift that now meant nothing to me.  In my mother's eagerness to be "fair," she chose to be equal.

We, as humans, aren't looking for equality.  In fact, we crave not being treated the same in many, many ways. We don't want cookie cutter treatment from others.  We want genuine uniqueness.

I do not take my daughter to my son's favorite restaurant.

I do not make my son my husband's favorite meal.

I do not buy my sister a sweater in my mother's favorite color.

I do not want my husband to give my best friend the same attention that he gives me.

And I do not want God to answer my prayers in the same way He is answering someone else's.

Read that last one again.

What if God was as equal as we say we want Him to be?  What if He responded to your need the same way He responded to my need?  You need a job and I need healing and we both got a friend who brought us a casserole.  Yeah, that doesn't help either of us.

Our needs aren't the same! And that's the whole point of this topic.  

We often think that God isn't being "fair" when what He's actually doing is not being equal.  I don't want Him to interact with me in a way I don't need.  I don't want Him to respond to me as if I'm someone else.  I want Him to know me and to meet my needs as best He knows how.  That's the beauty  of fairness - being in relationship with someone and knowing their likes and dislikes and favorite things and allergies and needs and desires and then being able to interact with them with that knowledge and build them up by treating them as the special person that they are, rather than treating like everyone else and no one is special.

So let me reiterate again:  I am not discussing the inequality of some human beings being treated better over other human beings.  I do not condone any lessor treatment of any person for any reason.  What I am pointing out is that in our cry for equality, we forget what we're asking for from a personal and intimate perspective.  We should all be striving more for fairness in our relationships rather than spending our time and resources on making everything equal.  

And perhaps we should change our perspective to look for the things that are in our lives pointing to fairness and known-ness.

*They know how I like my coffee and brought me a cup that's perfect.

*They know my favorite flower and painted me a picture of a bouquet.

*They know I don't like that restaurant even though it's their favorite and chose to go somewhere we'd both enjoy.

*They know I'm struggling with this class and offered to help me.

*They know that I am in need of a babysitter and came over to stay with my kids.

What is actually happening is that you are being LOVED by not being treated equally.  By knowing you and your life, you are being treated fairly and with great care.  It's a beautiful thing.