Preparation...

...Or just enough?

There is a little known story in the Bible about a young son who tended his father's sheep.  He was the youngest of eight boys.  Although he had been anointed as the future king of Israel, he often found himself playing the harp for the current king.  In one notable moment, however, he found himself in the midst of a fight with some terrible men who wanted to destroy Israel and make her a slave to their nation.  I'm sure none of this is sounding familiar so I'll go ahead and tell you the child's name was David.  The enemy was Goliath of the Philistines.

Oh, you've heard this story?  You recognize the plot and can fill in the details I've left out?  Wonderful!

But did you know that Goliath had four brothers?  After David killed Goliath, 1 Samuel 17:51b says, "And when the Philistines saw their champion was dead, they fled."  Years later, there was more war between David and the Philistines - including these four brothers.  There are two accounts of these battles in which David's soldiers killed Goliath's brothers:  2 Samuel 21:18-22 and 1 Chronicles 20:4-8.

Oh, you knew Goliath had four brothers?  Hmmm.  Okay.

But did you know that David was prepared to kill all five of them that first day?

The account of David's confrontation begins in chapter 17 of 1 Samuel.  David, who at this time was probably a teenager, is frustrated at the Israeli army response to the Philistines' taunting of them.  He goes to the king and tells how he has saved his father's sheep from both a lion and a bear, killing them.  He says that the same God who protected him against wild beasts will protect him against the giant.  So David is given permission to take his chances with Goliath.  I know, I know, you've heard all this before.

David prepares himself to confront this behemoth of a man by doing what?  He gets a stone for his slingshot, right?

WRONG!

He gets five stones.

"Then he took his staff in his hand; and he chose for himself five smooth stones from the brook, and put them in a shepherd’s bag, in a pouch which he had, and his sling was in his hand. And he drew near to the Philistine."

Now I used to read this and think, 'I guess he wanted to make sure he had extras in case he missed.'  I admit, that was in my early years.  That kind of thought process implies that, although David said The Lord would grant him a victory, by getting extra stones, he wasn't showing any faith that he actually believed The Lord would come through for him.

What David was actually doing was gathering enough stones for each brother!  He fully expected that when they saw that their brother had been killed, they would then step up to challenge David as well.  So David prepared for that outcome.  It was an outcome that never occurred because, as I pointed out earlier, they all fled the scene rather than avenger Goliath's death.

But what if they had challenged David?  And what if David had only prepared to kill Goliath?  What if he'd only gathered the one stone?  How unprepared would he have been?  Do you think the Philistines would have accepted a time out while David ran back to the riverbed to gather more stones?  Probably not.

I think there are times in our lives when we gather "just enough" of what we need.  Sometimes it's just enough of those few staples we need from the grocery store.  Sometimes it's just enough sleep before a workday.  Sometimes it's just enough time with the kids to pacify their needs.  But sometimes we need the preparations in case the storm that's forecasted actually hits our area.  Sometimes we need the preparations of enough rest in order to be refreshed and functional during a presentation.  Sometimes we need to spend those quality moments with our kids so they feel how special they are.

We have too many "just enoughs" in our lives.  Just enough excuses, just enough relationship, just enough Jesus.

Where is our preparation?  Where is our desire for more?  For completeness?  For the entire promise of The Lord instead of settling for the first step of the promise?

Stones were an important part of the Israelites in remembering the awesome works of God.  There are numerous passages of stone markers being laid, annointed, and named in honor of Him.

"And he was afraid, and said, 'How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God, and this is the gate of heaven.' So Jacob rose early in the morning, and he took the stone which he had put under his head and set it up for a pillar and poured oil on the top of it.  He called the name of that place Bethel [house of God]." Genesis 28:17-19

"And Joshua wrote these words in the Book of the Law of God. And he took a large stone and set it up there under the oak tree that was by the sanctuary of the Lord. And Joshua said to all the people, 'Behold, this stone shall be a witness against us, for it has heard all the words of the Lord that he spoke to us. Therefore it shall be a witness against you, lest you deal falsely with your God.'” Joshua 24:26-27

"Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen and called its name Ebenezer; for he  said, 'Till now the Lord has helped us.'” 1 Samuel 7:12

Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Moses, and Gideon are just a few others who also placed physical stone markers to commemorate the works of God as He delivered them from one circumstance or another.

I think we need to lay up some stones in our own lives.  Stones of remembrance.  Stones of grace.  Stones of deliverance.  Stones of reconciliation.  Stones of preparation. 

It's not enough to have "just enough."  God is not a God of "just enough."  He is a God of abundance!  (John 10:10)  If He is calling you to a purpose, go forward with full preparation, knowing that if more is required of you, you will be equipped.  If He is laying on your heart to step out in faith, step out in preparation, knowing that if He has paved the way, your journey will be successful.  If He is giving you the victory, take it with every preparation made, knowing that He never does anything half way.  Just because your preparations aren't put to use immediately doesn't mean they won't be needed later.

Stop being satisfied with "just enough" to get the job done today.  Your Father in heaven is wanting to prepare you for tomorrow and the future.  What you prepare for - or fail to prepare for - will have an affect on those who come after you.  What is "just enough" for you today may be "not nearly enough" later on.

       

Chastised...

And loving it!

Ever feel God work in you immediately?  Let me tell you about an experience I had a couple years ago.  It meant so much to me, that I think about it often.  This is everything - in order - with my thoughts and God's interventions.

My husband was home, not feeling well for the second day in a row.  I started dinner around 3pm because he was getting hungry and I had the time to do it.  Who doesn't want an early dinner some nights?  Dinner took over an hour to make, but that was okay.  My sister was here and we chatted, passing the time.  She left a few minutes before everything was done.

I served up plates for each of us.  My step son's plate had to go in the microwave because he was at track practice.  It would be a while.  I carried hubby's plate to him and returned to the kitchen to get my plate.  Then my phone rang.  It was the boy's ringtone.  I was not happy.  Internal dialogue (in red from now on):  Are you kidding me?  Of course, I had to answer it.  I tossed my plate down hard enough to show I was irritated but not so hard as to break or spill anything.  "Is Dad coming to get me?"  "No."  "Are you coming to get me?"  "I hadn't planned on it."  "Wellllllll......I kinda need a ride?"  (Hangs head) "OK!"  Hubby immediately said he'd go.  "No! I'll go!"  Why should you eat a cold dinner?  It's not like I'm not used to it!  I'll go!  I always go!  I slightly slammed the door on the way out.  Just in case anyone missed that I was peeved.

I know I have an attitude.  SO what!?!  I'll probably still have it when I get back and the night will be crappy.  And I don't care!  Now you have to realize, I knew I was overreacting, but this happened all the time!  It never failed - I was always having to do something last minute to compensate for schedule changes.  So I had a bad attitude about it.

I got in the car, not happy.  And then I noticed a dove landing on my birdbath in the front yard - which was right next to where the car was parked.  Immediately:  Peace.  Yes, Lord.  I receive peace.  I will adjust this attitude right now.  (Looking back, I think it was a pigeon.  But I needed to see a dove, so that's what I remember.)

Choosing to calm down and let this not be a big deal, I backed out of the drive and turned my radio up.  If you ride with me, you know I listen to Christian radio ALL THE TIME.  (Unless I put in a secular CD of my favorites....)  The DJs were talking about it being Marriage Appreciation Week or something.  A guy had called in and he was talking about how it was hard in the early years, but over time he learned to let the little things go.  He said, "I come home to my wife, not the curtains she picked out."  They then start the next song, "God Gave Me You."  Now, I love this song.  It has great meaning for a lot of people.  But at that moment, I heard the chorus from a different perspective.  I heard it from God's perspective.  What if this was your step son saying this?  What if it was his heart saying these things that he could never express?  I gave you to him!  For the ups and downs.  For the days of doubt.  I gave him the mother he needed, the mother who will love him.  And you need to just be happy being that mother.

Can I tell you that the rest of the ride to pick up my son was great!?!  I have been given this awesome privilege of positively influencing this young man and watching him grow and change and become someone I'm so proud of and here I am complaining about having to pick him up!

I was pleasant when he got in the car and we talked all the way home.  He thanked me for picking him up (Hello?  This wasn't happening a few years ago! Now it's an every day occurrence.)  He told me about his day and things going on.  We had time for just us.  Time his dad normally gets because he's the one that picks him up on his way home from work.

When I got home, I went to get my plate.  My husband, of course, was done eating by now.  That's okay.  He said, "I'm sorry you had to go get him.  I would have gone."  "It's okay.  Easy fix."  I walked away with my plate and my hubby, surprised, asked "What are you doing."  He thinks I'm mad and I'm throwing my dinner away by way of having a tantrum!  Too funny!  "I'm going to go reheat my dinner.  I'll be right back."

When I sat down to eat, I told him, "You know, I wanted to have a bad attitude about having to drive out to get our son. [Insert story and details here]  After all that, I know I am in a special position to show him love.  So I was inconvenienced.  If the biggest problem I have today is having to reheat my dinner, I'm a blessed woman!"

I know a few of you who are inconvenienced a lot because of your lives/kids/families/jobs/etc.  I'm not saying I won't get huffy the next time I have to make a sacrifice for someone else.  But I thought God's perspective on the situation was too awesome to keep to myself.  He was immediately on me about my behavior and my thoughts and not only did He check my attitude, He gave me a new hope, a new goal for loving my son.  Because you see, I inherited my son through marriage to his father.  He came to me as a ten year old boy and I had to learn how to be a step parent almost over night.  My trials and frustrations were many.  And on this ordinary, yet amazing day, The Lord showed me His perspective of my role in this boy's life.  It's not a perspective I ever expect to hear come out of the boy's mouth himself.  But it's enough to know that this is how God sees my role.  I have never been able to listen to that song the same way again.  In my heart, it will always be "our" song - the song of a mother's love for her son.

That was almost exactly two years ago.  I am pleased to say that my son and I are closer now than then.  He is even more polite and impressive, and I'm even more proud of him.  I think a lot of times we get caught up in the daily grind of child rearing that we forget the big picture.  Or we think of the big picture in terms of the future.  On that day, I was shown the big picture of the past:  God is always working in our lives and things that happened years ago might not make sense until we are able to look back on them with His perspective.  I'm so grateful The Lord took a moment to completely reshape my thought process about my daily grind.  Loving this boy - who is now a man - has been one of my greatest adventures and blessings.  And I'd have never realized it if I hadn't gotten upset about walking away from a warm dinner.

Psalm 127:3 - "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward."

They don't have to be from my womb to be my heritage.



If you are a step parent, I know your job is hard.  I KNOW!  It's a constant struggle with unclear boundaries and  lots of new family members and attitudes - yours and theirs!  But it's also full of meeting needs and stepping in and stepping up.  And love.  Lots and lots of love.  There is every emotion in the spectrum - some you experience more often than others.  And not all of them are negative.  If you are a step parent, I want to encourage you to look at your life through the eyes of the child in your care.  Whether their mother is involved or not (in my case, not), you still serve a purpose.  You are a mother too.  You still need to dole out discipline, offer advice, give hugs. You will be the taxi, the cook, the housekeeper, the tutor, the financer and anything else they need when they are in your care.  It doesn't matter if it's full-time or only on weekends.  You are a mother and they need you.  But they are struggling to find their place in your life.  Look at it from their point of view.  Understand that they are struggling with loyalty.  Understand that they are struggling with seeing their dad happy with someone else.  Understand that it takes time to discover the new flow of the home.  But don't ever forget that you are family.  A bigger family; a family with a few more dysfunctions, but an awesome and growing and changing family.

If you are a child with a step parent, I know you're in a tough spot.  I know you have a mom and you don't need her replaced.  (Or maybe a few of you are thinking of your dad.)  But I hope you'll take a moment to think about what it's like from your step parent's point of view.  How they suddenly had a child come into their lives that they didn't necessarily plan for, but they made an effort to include.  How they often found themselves in a situation of having to smooth things over with their spouse behind closed doors because they didn't want their husband/wife to feel like they had to choose sides against the kids.  I want you to try to think back to the times your step parent didn't play favorites, but was fair - no matter who shared DNA with them.  I know you had struggles and emotions and ideas you couldn't put into words; and even if you could, you didn't want to share them.  Just know that your struggle wasn't the only one going on in the home.

And to those of you who had horrific blended family experiences, I don't take away from that.  I know every new spouse doesn't welcome the kids with open arms.  I know there are parents who do play favorites and are cruel to the step children.  I know not every child bonds with the step parent.  I know there are kids who are so traumatized, they are more of a burden than a joy.  If that was your experience, I'm truly sorry.  You have hurts that I can also relate to, but are too deep to console in this format.  But I do not dismiss those hurts. 

The bottom line is this:  we have a role in the family in which we find ourselves.  Just as we don't choose our birth families, we don't choose our step families (unless you are the spouses).  But not choosing doesn't relieve us of our responsibility to fulfill our role.  If you are a step parent, you have a role to raise and love that child just as you would your own flesh and blood.  If you have a step parent, you have a role to respect and obey that parent just as you would your birth parent. 

I haven't always enjoyed my role (as a mother or a step mother), but that doesn't mean I don't have a responsibility to perform it.  I was given a very real and beautiful moment to clearly identify my role in my step son's life.  And for the record, I HATE the word "step" in front of any family word.  I chose early on to acknowledge my husband's kids as MY kids - even the one I'm only 12 years older than.  There are five of them that I inherited.  And they are MINE.  And it breaks my heart when they refer to me as their step mom.  There just has to be a better name for it than that. 

But the point is - it's a heart thing.  I think about that moment in the car, that song on the radio, and the words of The Lord in my heart pretty often.  God gave me a son.  And I do love being his mother.  It doesn't matter how he got here - what matters is that he's here to stay.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.

If you're struggling with this - as a parent or a child - please know there is hope.  And there is help.  I am available to speak in private if you ever want to share the struggle. 

Looking back...

...in order to look forward...

In the winter of 2007, my mother-in-law mentioned an idea to us:  move from Kentucky to Florida and share her home with us.  We would build onto the existing home (a home my husband once owned but sold to her and her husband), split the household finances, and start preparing for our financial futures.  You see, she lived outside of town and her husband was on the road a lot.  She was lonely, but also didn't enjoy being alone all the time.  As she's gotten older, she said she'd also like to have someone around in case something happened. 

In May of 2008, after six months of talking, planning, and preparing, my family of five moved in with my in-laws.  My husband had to remain in Kentucky as his transfer to a new job was processed, so the kids and I were there for a month without him.  While we had all of our personal effects, many of our large furniture items were sold before the move.  There was no need for two dining tables, extra living room furniture, a spare bed, even an extra vacuum.  We downsized in order to accommodate the house we would be moving into.  Things went well and we all began adjusting to life with more people in our lives.  We pitched in with cleaning the house and keeping it tidied.  I helped with cooking and running errands.  I felt like it was her territory and not my own, but I knew that it was a good plan for all of us - financially and cooperatively.

Within those few weeks, we had opened a joint bank account with all four adults on it.  We'd hired a contractor and had designs for the 1800 extra square feet we were adding to the home for extra space.  And we had secured a loan for the construction.  My husband arrived the beginning of July and was beginning his new job after the 4th holiday. 

Just days later, we were blindsided.   My mother-in-law decided it was too much change and she wanted us out.

Instead of building onto an existing home and saving money over the long-run, we were suddenly forced to find a home of our own and add to our financial burden.  My husband had given up a promotion to move to Florida and it was exactly four days too late to cancel the transfer.  And, having promised son – who was a freshman – that he would finish the school he started, we knew we had four years of waiting for time to pass toward graduation.  It was a tumultuous, emotional, discouraging time in our lives.

In late 2010, we began the process of job hunting.  I was ready to leave Florida for good.  By this time, many things had happened.  Knowing we couldn’t just ‘mark time’ while we waited out the four years until our son's graduation, my husband completed his master’s degree, my husband adopted my two daughters (another testimony altogether), and helped family and friends gain employment in the organization he worked for.  While we knew that God had blessed us during our time there, we also knew that our hearts were being pulled out of Florida.  The promotion my husband had given up in Kentucky proved to be an even bigger let down in Florida:  despite being more than qualified, the military community was so large that he was constantly passed over for other positions.  There was no way to advance in his career as long as we stayed where we were.  We began applying for job transfers to Tennessee, hoping to move closer to my husband's three older daughters.

For eighteen months we prayed for God to close the doors that weren’t right for us, only opening the one door that would lead us down the path of His will.  We would apply for different areas, agencies, positions.  My husband was qualified and interviewed for many of these jobs, but was never selected.  We found ourselves spending a lot of time waiting to hear that he wasn’t the one.

As we flipped the calendar to 2012, our son decided to attend school in South Carolina.  Half-hearted, my husband and I joked about looking for a job near there.  As it happened, there were five vacancies at an agency in the area.  In March we applied; in April he interviewed; in May he was offered the job.  Suddenly our joking had become serious and we were excited.  The kicker was that he was offered the job on the contingency that he passed a background check.  This meant more waiting.

We waited for months.  We were asked by everyone, over and over, if there was any news.  We secretly laughed that people probably thought we were making it all up because there was never any news.  We kept praying for God’s perfect will, knowing that He had all the details worked out.  It was still a struggle.  Do we apply for other jobs in the meantime?  Does that show doubt?  Is it irresponsible to count on this being ‘the one?’ We decided to stand on the fact that the door was still open.  

In September, I was doing a Bible study with my ladies group and the Lord spoke to my heart:  What if the delay in moving was for my son?  By this time, he'd moved to South Carolina and started school.  Being there without us was requiring him to bond with others and not rely on us.  What if he needed this time to make him appreciate us more?  (A week later a friend said to me, “I think you haven’t moved yet so that your son could step out on his own and learn that he needs you.”  I hadn’t talked to her about my revelation!)

This prompted me to do a search about waiting.  I was brought to a Hebrew definition of the word Qavah which means “wait on the Lord.”  Among other things, it means “hope, expect, look eagerly.”  Suddenly waiting wasn’t an idle word, it was an action word!  I was taken to Psalm 130:5-6:

     I wait for the Lord, my soul does wait.   

     And in His word do I hope.   

     My soul waits for the Lord more than the
     watchmen for the morning, 

     indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning.   

An article I read (long but good) pointed out that while watchmen are on duty, they long for the sunrise because it means they can go home.  They know the morning is coming, but at 1:30am it feels like it will take forever.  But they wait with anticipation.  They wait with expectation.  They wait with hope!  They know that the morning is certain, but only with the passing of time.  But the writer of this Psalm was even more expectant than the watchmen.  He was even more certain of God than of the rising sun.  Suddenly I was filled with joy and excitement!  This was it!  We were still waiting to hear the official offer of the job, but we knew it was coming.  We just needed to wait on the Lord.

On October 18, 2012, my husband received the phone call we'd been waiting for.  Not only was he cleared in his background check and offered the job, we were informed of moving benefits the job announcement said were not authorized.  They are only authorized for employees transferring from one specific agency to another.  Additionally, the job was unadvertised as having promotion potential:  he would have two guaranteed raises in the first two years.  In the week following the phone call, the Lord’s hand became even more evident as temporary housing was provided through a local South Carolina family who had just purchased a home just outside of the area of the new job (but had yet to move in) and offered to let my husband live there so the house wouldn’t be vacant.  

In November, I received an email from a Messianic Jewish site that referenced a scripture that had tickled my heart a few months ago, but I hadn't known what it meant.  This time, the Lord revealed it to me.

     The Lord had said to Abram, 

     'Go, from your country, your people, 

     and your father's household to the land I will show you.  Genesis 12:1

My husband's mother's family is from Florida, his father's family is from Tennessee.  We'd tried for years to transfer to a new position here in Florida, with no success.  We'd tried for years to transfer to a new position in several places in Tennessee, with no success.  So we were led to leave the land of his "people" as well as not going back to the land of his "father's household."  We know no one in or from South Carolina. So we were leaving family to go to a land God had shown us! How cool is that???

Qavah

I’m not saying that the years there were easy - we questioned our desires to move, tried to process our doubts in our actions, and attempted to fully walk in faith.  But the benefit of looking back is seeing God’s hand on, in, and throughout everything.  Even from the beginning, with the disappointments and the change in plans, He was bringing us to this moment.  My husband moved to South Carolina November 30, 2012.  My daughters and I stayed in Florida to sell our home until May 4, 2013.  I did a lot of traveling back and forth in those six months.  And I did a lot of waiting too.  I waited on different things than a phone call about a job, but it was still waiting.  Waiting for a buyer, waiting for my next trip to see my husband, waiting for movers, waiting for school to get out. What made it easier was my new understanding of Qavah - eagerly anticipating an answer that I knew was coming.

So I ask you:  are you waiting on something?  It doesn't matter what it is - big or small, life changing or day changing, personal or public - God has a plan.  Trust His plan.

Are you finding it difficult to wait?  It is even discouraging to wait?  I know the feeling!  But I encourage you to re-read Psalm 130:5-6.  Read the article I mentioned above.  Do your own personal search into what "waiting on the Lord" means.  Find out what it looks like.  Waiting is not an adjective to describe the condition of your soul.  It is a verb, a very active word, tied up in the living and moving of forward progress toward an answer not yet revealed.  Knowing that 'waiting' means 'hope,' 'anticipation,' 'eagerness,' 'excitement,' 'expectation,' and 'assuredness' will change your entire perspective.

You aren't just waiting - you are waiting on THE LORD!  And He is faithful!  He will provide!  He will come through!  He will answer!  The article (from above) said, “The amount of time you wait on someone is determined by how much you trust them.”  I trust my God wholeheartedly!  I encourage you to trust Him with whatever you have.  Even if the answer doesn't come quickly, it will come!

On a side note:  During the duration of waiting, I had a song that was dear to my heart.  While I don't suggest that you replace the Word of God with a song, music has it's own ministering properties.  It can lift us up when we are down, and this song always gave me special encouragement and helped to focus my thoughts back to the only thing that mattered - my Father in Heaven.  I sang this many, many, many times - in praise, in prayer, in tears, in thanksgiving.  And it always, always made it easier to get through the moment.

"While I'm Waiting" by John Waller

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You, Lord, and I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident, taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting - I will serve You
While I'm waiting - I will worship
While I'm waiting - I will not faint
I'll be running the race, even while I wait

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You, Lord, and I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait 

I will move ahead, bold and confident, taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting - I will serve You
While I'm waiting - I will worship
While I'm waiting - I will not faint
I'll be running the race, even while I wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord