Looking back...

...in order to look forward...

In the winter of 2007, my mother-in-law mentioned an idea to us:  move from Kentucky to Florida and share her home with us.  We would build onto the existing home (a home my husband once owned but sold to her and her husband), split the household finances, and start preparing for our financial futures.  You see, she lived outside of town and her husband was on the road a lot.  She was lonely, but also didn't enjoy being alone all the time.  As she's gotten older, she said she'd also like to have someone around in case something happened. 

In May of 2008, after six months of talking, planning, and preparing, my family of five moved in with my in-laws.  My husband had to remain in Kentucky as his transfer to a new job was processed, so the kids and I were there for a month without him.  While we had all of our personal effects, many of our large furniture items were sold before the move.  There was no need for two dining tables, extra living room furniture, a spare bed, even an extra vacuum.  We downsized in order to accommodate the house we would be moving into.  Things went well and we all began adjusting to life with more people in our lives.  We pitched in with cleaning the house and keeping it tidied.  I helped with cooking and running errands.  I felt like it was her territory and not my own, but I knew that it was a good plan for all of us - financially and cooperatively.

Within those few weeks, we had opened a joint bank account with all four adults on it.  We'd hired a contractor and had designs for the 1800 extra square feet we were adding to the home for extra space.  And we had secured a loan for the construction.  My husband arrived the beginning of July and was beginning his new job after the 4th holiday. 

Just days later, we were blindsided.   My mother-in-law decided it was too much change and she wanted us out.

Instead of building onto an existing home and saving money over the long-run, we were suddenly forced to find a home of our own and add to our financial burden.  My husband had given up a promotion to move to Florida and it was exactly four days too late to cancel the transfer.  And, having promised son – who was a freshman – that he would finish the school he started, we knew we had four years of waiting for time to pass toward graduation.  It was a tumultuous, emotional, discouraging time in our lives.

In late 2010, we began the process of job hunting.  I was ready to leave Florida for good.  By this time, many things had happened.  Knowing we couldn’t just ‘mark time’ while we waited out the four years until our son's graduation, my husband completed his master’s degree, my husband adopted my two daughters (another testimony altogether), and helped family and friends gain employment in the organization he worked for.  While we knew that God had blessed us during our time there, we also knew that our hearts were being pulled out of Florida.  The promotion my husband had given up in Kentucky proved to be an even bigger let down in Florida:  despite being more than qualified, the military community was so large that he was constantly passed over for other positions.  There was no way to advance in his career as long as we stayed where we were.  We began applying for job transfers to Tennessee, hoping to move closer to my husband's three older daughters.

For eighteen months we prayed for God to close the doors that weren’t right for us, only opening the one door that would lead us down the path of His will.  We would apply for different areas, agencies, positions.  My husband was qualified and interviewed for many of these jobs, but was never selected.  We found ourselves spending a lot of time waiting to hear that he wasn’t the one.

As we flipped the calendar to 2012, our son decided to attend school in South Carolina.  Half-hearted, my husband and I joked about looking for a job near there.  As it happened, there were five vacancies at an agency in the area.  In March we applied; in April he interviewed; in May he was offered the job.  Suddenly our joking had become serious and we were excited.  The kicker was that he was offered the job on the contingency that he passed a background check.  This meant more waiting.

We waited for months.  We were asked by everyone, over and over, if there was any news.  We secretly laughed that people probably thought we were making it all up because there was never any news.  We kept praying for God’s perfect will, knowing that He had all the details worked out.  It was still a struggle.  Do we apply for other jobs in the meantime?  Does that show doubt?  Is it irresponsible to count on this being ‘the one?’ We decided to stand on the fact that the door was still open.  

In September, I was doing a Bible study with my ladies group and the Lord spoke to my heart:  What if the delay in moving was for my son?  By this time, he'd moved to South Carolina and started school.  Being there without us was requiring him to bond with others and not rely on us.  What if he needed this time to make him appreciate us more?  (A week later a friend said to me, “I think you haven’t moved yet so that your son could step out on his own and learn that he needs you.”  I hadn’t talked to her about my revelation!)

This prompted me to do a search about waiting.  I was brought to a Hebrew definition of the word Qavah which means “wait on the Lord.”  Among other things, it means “hope, expect, look eagerly.”  Suddenly waiting wasn’t an idle word, it was an action word!  I was taken to Psalm 130:5-6:

     I wait for the Lord, my soul does wait.   

     And in His word do I hope.   

     My soul waits for the Lord more than the
     watchmen for the morning, 

     indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning.   

An article I read (long but good) pointed out that while watchmen are on duty, they long for the sunrise because it means they can go home.  They know the morning is coming, but at 1:30am it feels like it will take forever.  But they wait with anticipation.  They wait with expectation.  They wait with hope!  They know that the morning is certain, but only with the passing of time.  But the writer of this Psalm was even more expectant than the watchmen.  He was even more certain of God than of the rising sun.  Suddenly I was filled with joy and excitement!  This was it!  We were still waiting to hear the official offer of the job, but we knew it was coming.  We just needed to wait on the Lord.

On October 18, 2012, my husband received the phone call we'd been waiting for.  Not only was he cleared in his background check and offered the job, we were informed of moving benefits the job announcement said were not authorized.  They are only authorized for employees transferring from one specific agency to another.  Additionally, the job was unadvertised as having promotion potential:  he would have two guaranteed raises in the first two years.  In the week following the phone call, the Lord’s hand became even more evident as temporary housing was provided through a local South Carolina family who had just purchased a home just outside of the area of the new job (but had yet to move in) and offered to let my husband live there so the house wouldn’t be vacant.  

In November, I received an email from a Messianic Jewish site that referenced a scripture that had tickled my heart a few months ago, but I hadn't known what it meant.  This time, the Lord revealed it to me.

     The Lord had said to Abram, 

     'Go, from your country, your people, 

     and your father's household to the land I will show you.  Genesis 12:1

My husband's mother's family is from Florida, his father's family is from Tennessee.  We'd tried for years to transfer to a new position here in Florida, with no success.  We'd tried for years to transfer to a new position in several places in Tennessee, with no success.  So we were led to leave the land of his "people" as well as not going back to the land of his "father's household."  We know no one in or from South Carolina. So we were leaving family to go to a land God had shown us! How cool is that???

Qavah

I’m not saying that the years there were easy - we questioned our desires to move, tried to process our doubts in our actions, and attempted to fully walk in faith.  But the benefit of looking back is seeing God’s hand on, in, and throughout everything.  Even from the beginning, with the disappointments and the change in plans, He was bringing us to this moment.  My husband moved to South Carolina November 30, 2012.  My daughters and I stayed in Florida to sell our home until May 4, 2013.  I did a lot of traveling back and forth in those six months.  And I did a lot of waiting too.  I waited on different things than a phone call about a job, but it was still waiting.  Waiting for a buyer, waiting for my next trip to see my husband, waiting for movers, waiting for school to get out. What made it easier was my new understanding of Qavah - eagerly anticipating an answer that I knew was coming.

So I ask you:  are you waiting on something?  It doesn't matter what it is - big or small, life changing or day changing, personal or public - God has a plan.  Trust His plan.

Are you finding it difficult to wait?  It is even discouraging to wait?  I know the feeling!  But I encourage you to re-read Psalm 130:5-6.  Read the article I mentioned above.  Do your own personal search into what "waiting on the Lord" means.  Find out what it looks like.  Waiting is not an adjective to describe the condition of your soul.  It is a verb, a very active word, tied up in the living and moving of forward progress toward an answer not yet revealed.  Knowing that 'waiting' means 'hope,' 'anticipation,' 'eagerness,' 'excitement,' 'expectation,' and 'assuredness' will change your entire perspective.

You aren't just waiting - you are waiting on THE LORD!  And He is faithful!  He will provide!  He will come through!  He will answer!  The article (from above) said, “The amount of time you wait on someone is determined by how much you trust them.”  I trust my God wholeheartedly!  I encourage you to trust Him with whatever you have.  Even if the answer doesn't come quickly, it will come!

On a side note:  During the duration of waiting, I had a song that was dear to my heart.  While I don't suggest that you replace the Word of God with a song, music has it's own ministering properties.  It can lift us up when we are down, and this song always gave me special encouragement and helped to focus my thoughts back to the only thing that mattered - my Father in Heaven.  I sang this many, many, many times - in praise, in prayer, in tears, in thanksgiving.  And it always, always made it easier to get through the moment.

"While I'm Waiting" by John Waller

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You, Lord, and I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident, taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting - I will serve You
While I'm waiting - I will worship
While I'm waiting - I will not faint
I'll be running the race, even while I wait

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You, Lord, and I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait 

I will move ahead, bold and confident, taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting - I will serve You
While I'm waiting - I will worship
While I'm waiting - I will not faint
I'll be running the race, even while I wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord