The End Is Near...

But then again...

Today I drove by a funeral home that was being utilized. It got me to thinking about the friends and family gathered inside, celebrating the life of their loved one, mourning the hole left behind with their passing. I wondered how many of those people were gathered because they'd been touched by the person now gone.  The lives changed for good. The accomplishments and accolades shared about that person.  The legacy he or she was leaving.  Mourning the moments that were the last ones, not knowing they were the last.  Conversations, confessions, "I love you" left unsaid.

I wondered about the person in the casket. Who had they influenced?  What and who did they invest their time in? Will others change and behave differently because of this man or woman's actions? Would they be surprised at the things mentioned as their achievements or would they agree? Did they take their last breathe with relief or regret?  How many "I'm sorrys" or "I forgive yous" did they intend to say, but didn't?

The chapter closed whether they and their loved ones were ready or not.

The symbolism of this funeral taking place on the last day of the year did not escape me.

At first glance, it seems to be an erroneous comparison.  The end of the year has nothing in common with the end of a life.  The two are far too different to even attempt to equate them.  But I think there are some very close similarities.

Some people are celebrating the last 365 days.  They set goals and reached them.  They dreamed dreams that became realities.  They reconciled relationships, responsibilities, and bank accounts.  There were even unexpected surprises along the way - trips, babies, marriages, graduations, new houses. They are surrounded by people who praise them and love them.  They had more good days that bad days.  They are closing this chapter with satisfaction and excitement for tomorrow.

Others are reviewing their last 365 days with mixed emotions.  Perhaps a few things panned out, but only because they struggled to make it happen.  Maybe there were some successes, but there were more unexpected and unwelcome surprises that derailed their best intentions.  They look back at the goals they set and failed to meet.  They still have unfulfilled dreams they're carrying into another January.  The people in their lives love them, but aren't as reliable as they need them to be.  There are moments of mourning the "shoulda coulda woulda" opportunities missed.

And then there are those who are looking back at the last 365 days with distress.  Regrets abound.  Regrets in choices, relationships, purchases.  Regrets at the things they had control over, but couldn't maintain motivation for.  Addiction, abuse, and abandonment seem to be the norm.  As much as they try to drum up hope that things will change, they secretly believe it never will.  These people aren't sure that the next 365 will be any different, and certainly not better, than the last 365.  For them, they can't wait for tonight to end a year that felt like a slow death.  More than mourning, they grieve.  They feel out of control and unsteady when faced with the past behind them and a scary future in front of them.

So the end of the year does appear to be a bit similar to a death:  you can't turn back time; you can't change the outcome; you can't know what tomorrow is going to look like, but you know it will be different because something else has ended.

If you are someone who is anxious and concerned over the prospect of another hard or unfulfilling year, look for those who can help you.  There is no shame in the tears.  There is no shame in needing time alone. And there is no shame in asking for help.  Don't let the fear of the past rob you of another chance at your goals and dreams.  Don't let the end of a year dictate the end of your efforts.  I know it can be very hard, but you are stronger than you realize.  You are loved.  You are wanted.  You are needed.

If your new year holds excitement for you, take a moment to see if there is someone near you who may be mourning or grieving this time of year.  You may be the type of person they need to hold onto for some encouragement.  Or you may be the person they avoid because nothing "bad" ever seems to happen to you and they think you can't relate to them.  Be sensitive.  Be honest.  Share your story with someone who maybe needs a shoulder to cry on as they face tomorrow and the coming days.  And look for those who many be too far into the grief to ask for help.  Too many people think the end of something has to mean the end of them.  We must be the help they need.

Surrounded by Losers?

What needs to change...

We were not created to be alone.  Our hearts, minds, and souls crave community.  We are designed to thrive when we are sharing ideas and moments.  Shared laughter and tears create bonds.  Helping one another with burdens and difficult circumstances allow us to be focused on something outside of ourselves.

And in this is love.  Love of family.  Love of friends.  Love of someone special.

But I see too many people ready to give up because love let them down.  They’re ready to call it quits or close themselves off because love cost them.

What if what let you down wasn’t love?  What if what let you down wasn’t the other person?  What if it was…you?

In all the love we see in life, much of it is thrown around carelessly.  With no depth, no thoughts of the future, no concern for the present warnings, what is shared as love is more often wishes draped in hope.

“I wish I had someone like her.”

“I wish he liked me.”

“I hope this works out.”

“I hope this is just a phase.”

“I wish he’d grow up.”

“I hope this is the last time she acts this way.”

It’s not really love.  It’s your desire to have a fairy tale ending to a relationship that should have never been.

We crave love so much that we see it where it doesn’t exist.  And instead of realizing that the person we fancy is incapable of providing the relationship we crave, we settle for less, but expect more.  And when it doesn't work out, we decide to build walls around our hearts, thinking we're protecting ourselves from ever being hurt again.

But that's not really what happens.

In building walls, we close ourselves off to *real* possibilities, *real* hope, *real* love.  We build walls thinking we’ll be safe from the losers in our past, never recognizing that we are the ones who chose them.

The problem with a wall is that you can’t see through it.  You can’t see over it.  You become so isolated, so lonely that you let down your gate to the first person who comes calling your name.  And more often than not, it’s another loser/user/taker/abuser who doesn’t know how to give what you desperately long for.

What you need to build is a fence.  Fences allow us to see what’s out there without letting anyone close until we decide it’s safe to open the door.  You have to be able to see what’s in front of you so you can determine if it’s worth your investment.  You need some distance to be able to determine if the words you hear match the actions you see.  People will show you who they are, but you have the responsibility to believe them, not excuse them.  The same type of person you keep finding yourself with isn’t attracted to you – you are attracted to them!  Whether you think you can “fix them” or “save them” or “be the only one who believes in them,” in the end, you are the only one who gets hurt.  And yet, nothing changes.  Instead of closing yourself off and protecting yourself, you need to learn to build some healthy boundaries.

Any marriage that’s last decades will tell you that there are times of tears and struggles and being let down by the person that shares their life.  But it’s not because they chose the wrong person.  It’s because love is messy.  Any time you let yourself be vulnerable and known by another, you risk being hurt.  So you have to use wisdom when choosing who to trust.  You have to know what you’re looking for so you don’t end up with things you don’t want.  You have to keep your heart soft without keeping it open for every single person who comes along.

We only have control over ourselves.  The man or woman who only wants to tear you down – they’ll never change.  But if you find yourself with a trail of that personality in your wake, you might want to ask yourself why.  Maybe you think you don’t deserve any better.  That’s one of the worst lies in the world.  You do deserve better.  But until you take accountability for the things you’ve ignored and allowed in your life, you will only keep bonding with the person who steals your self-worth.  If you can choose losers, you can choose winners too.  You just have to stop ignoring the red flags and switch gears on what you’ll accept.

Please don’t hide behind a wall and think you’re safer.  Walls are cold, dark places that many times breed resentment and bitterness.  They block out the sun and attract moisture.  I hope you’ll dry your tears and step out into the light that is the real place of hope.  Don’t be afraid to get close to people.  Don’t be afraid to be known.  But remember that not everyone needs – or deserves – to know everything about you.  Not everyone needs to be let through the gate.  You can still be friendly with someone who remains on the other side of the fence.

Figure out what you are looking for and then don’t settle for less.  You have one life and living it behind a wall robs everyone of the beautiful person you are.

If you wonder how you can start to implement boundaries and use better judgement in relationships, you might be interested to read this next. You'll be surprised at how many other areas of life we exert our preferences and expectations.  Our relationships - romantic or otherwise - should be even more important.  

The 23rd Psalm

What's it Mean?

¹The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. ² He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. ³ He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. ⁴ Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. ⁵ Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. ⁶ Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.  (KJV)

This chapter, made up of only six verses,  is often quoted  at funerals or to offer comfort during a time of trouble or heartache.  However, it is not always understood in those terms.  Due to several things going on in the life of two friends, I have given much thought to these words in the past few weeks.  I'd like to give an expository breakdown to help with some of the abstract ideas.  My hope is that after this, true comfort can be found in this scripture passage. (Previously posted as only verse 4.)

There’s no definitive information on when David wrote this psalm.  It’s believed he wrote it later in life, as it points to a man with maturity and life experience under him, rather than a young man starting out in life.  Knowing David’s story, we can think of many times he was probably recalling when he penned these words.

1.      “The Lord is my Shepherd…” The concept of us being sheep or needing a shepherd isn’t new to us. But until David wrote this psalm, this concept only appeared in the book of Genesis. Jacob called God “my Shepherd” in Genesis 48:15. Moses referred to the Lord “the Shepherd” in Genesis 49:24. Even before Christ called Himself the Good Shepherd in John 10:11, David, himself a shepherd boy, was clearly familiar with the symbolism and everything that title would mean.  And he made it personal – the Lord isn’t just the Shepherd, but my Shepherd.  David recognized that he was a sheep, prone to wander and get lost, unable to take care of himself, in need of a Shepherd to protect and guide him.

     “I shall not want…”  This verbiage reminds me of the sentence “I want for nothing.”  But that’s not usually an accurate sentence.  I can’t think of a single person who doesn’t want something – or several somethings – at any given time.  So what does David mean?  It actually translates better to “I lack nothing” or “I lack no good thing.”  One pastor says it this way:  What really matters that I do not have?  In Christ we have all that we need, even if He is all we have.  And at death, there is no thing that will change a moment of our life behind us or a moment of the eternity in front of us – except Jesus.  What really matters that I do not have?  JESUS!  Another author said “it is both a declaration and a decision:  ‘I shall not want because all my needs are supplied for by the Lord, my Shepherd’ and ‘I shall not want because I decide not to desire more than what the Lord, my Shepherd, gives.’”

      2.      “He maketh me to lie down in green pastures…” David’s choice of the word “make” (another translation says “has me”) indicates that God may sometimes create a situation that forces us to lie down.  In reading, I learned that a lamb that continued to wander off and have to be corralled back to the flock would have its leg broken so that it couldn’t leave the safety of the shepherd.  While I do not believe that God causes injury or tribulation to come upon us, I do think that He allows us to walk through consequences of our own making or life circumstances that will then force us to stay close to Him as we heal and recuperate.  He makes us long to be close to Him and He provides a tender place to rest.  And He knows all the best places that will bring us rest.  A shepherd would meet the needs of the sheep.  Those creatures would not lie down until “four conditions are met. Because they are timid they will not lie down if they are afraid. Because they are social animals they will not lie down if there is friction among the sheep. If flies or parasites trouble them they will not lie down. Finally, if sheep are anxious about food or hungry they will not lie down. Rest comes because the shepherd has dealt with fear, friction, flies, and famine.”  Knowing these things, David knew that God would meet the conditions in his life as well.

     “He leadeth me beside the still waters…”  Water is symbolic of so many things.  It can be powerful and deadly, deep and drowning, calming and peaceful.  In the Bible, it also represents the Holy Spirit.  While David did not know the indwelling of the Holy Spirit as we know it, he did have the anointing of the Holy Spirit and the experience of the Holy Spirit working in his life.  David knew what it was to fully surrender and be led by God beside the still waters of life – fully in God’s will and not in his own.  And so after resting in green pastures, God leads us where we need to go next.  Even if we walk into a situation that is not calm, we can be sure that He will provide us with His peace to “be still and know He is God” (Psalm 46:10).

      3.      “He restoreth my soul…” When I think about restoring something, I think about repairing it to its original state.  We restore cars.  We restore houses.  We restore factory presets.  But God is transforming us, making us into something new, something more than flesh.  Our soul, our inner being, is to be made more Christ-like. One translation says “He refreshes my soul.”  I love that!   After just speaking about still waters, the word refresh seems so much more appropriate.  When we have been troubled, we need refreshing.  To be fresh again – what comes to mind?  Alert, well rested, smelling clean, new start, clean slate…I can imagine David thinking of the clean slate God gave him with each moment of repentance.  David knew what it meant to have his soul refreshed.

“He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake…” David had once chosen a path of his own that led to division and death.  So to write words of praise about God’s guidance was acknowledging the turning point in his own redemption.  God’s path is always right – even if it’s hard, even if it doesn’t look right from our point of view – because God’s path is always for His glory.  David didn’t have to know the path to take, he only had to know where the Shepherd was and let Him lead.  Because it is always for the Shepherd's purpose!  Sheep have no idea why they are in a particular pasture or kept in the corral.  They do what the Shepherd guides them to do because the Shepherd knows what He's doing.  We walk were God leads for His purpose - which is His glory!

     4.      "Yea, though I walk..." I’m thinking of the illness and death of David and Bathsheba’s son when I read this verse.  David’s fasting and prayer. His mourning.  Many times in our dark moments, we feel that we will never get past it.  The heartache, the pain, the confusion is so close, we cannot imagine a time when it will not be so heavy or so present.  The word “walk” shows us that is not the case.  Walking means progress.  It does not say "though I stand;" it says "though I walk." Even baby steps are progress.  And David did get up and walk forward from his heartache.

      "through the valley..." Have you ever been walking, but didn't seem to get anywhere?  David is very clear that our walk is not in circles.  It is not in vain.  Going through isn't always the option we'd like, but it's better than staying where we are.  And we don’t want to go through the valley. We wouldn't choose it. It is deep, dark, intimidating, surrounding us on all sides.  But it is a part of the journey at times.  We do not get the option of going around or climbing out, but if we will walk through the path of the valley, high ground is in our future. 

     "of the shadow of death..."  There is so much in these five words.  David suffered loss through the death of his son.  Great pain and suffering can often feel like its own death.  The loss of a loved one, a terminal illness, a heavy addiction or mental condition all come with the burden of death (or maybe the wish to die to make it end).  These five words offer hope though, in that whatever we are walking through is not death, but only a shadow of it.  Death in the flesh is only a temporary condition if we are in Jesus Christ.  So anything that we experience that makes us feel as though we are dying is merely a shadow of death.  

      On the other hand, sometimes the things we are grieving over and dealing with are things from our past.  Past decisions, past mistakes, past behaviors someone else has done to us...they aren't always healed right away.  When those things creep up and are brought to our remembrance, the intention is to continue to hold us in bondage to the hurt or guilt we have because of it.  But the "shadow of death" in these things means that they are no longer the real thing.  You survived the abuse, the relationship, the decision – and the shadow is just the memory of the thing that now needs healed.

***It's interesting to me that one of the phrases sometimes used among people is to "throw shade."  This is defined as "publicly criticizing or expressing contempt for someone."  This is exactly what the shadow of death is doing - throwing shade on a person to injure them or draw attention to some mistake or some past hurt.

***The funny thing about shadows is that it must have a light source to create it.  So even in this particularly dark, lonely, valley, there is a light that shines, allowing the "shadow of death" to even be present.  What could be the source of that light?  It is the Source of Light Himself, Jesus Christ, the Light of the World (John 8:12), Who walks the valley with us.

"I will fear no evil..." Evil can be anything from spiritual attack to more adversity from enemies to a natural calamity.  Basically anything that would intend to do you harm physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. The key to living without fear is to live with peace.  The world around us can be anything but peaceful, but Jesus is the Prince of Peace, the One Who gives us peace that passes all understanding.  As David penned these words, he had faced so many “evils” in his life that he could truly say he feared none of them because God had been faithful to be with him through everything.  The presence of Jesus does not rid us of the presence of evil, but Jesus’ presence does rid us of the fear of evil.

"for thou art with me..." Here is the evidence of Christ's presence.  As He walks with us, His light shines, causing the shadow to be cast on the very thing He wants to heal us from or get us through.  It is His light that makes it possible to go through the valley.  He does not always illuminate the entire path, but He is faithful to show us where to direct our steps, because as verse three said, it’s all for His glory!

"thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." David was a shepherd boy in his youth so he would be very familiar with the shepherd’s tools – one to corral the sheep and one to ward off danger and sustain the shepherd.  Why would the Good Shepherd need both a rod and a staff? A rod is often used for correction. If the valley we are walking through is that of our own making, we can trust that Jesus is using the time to grow our hearts and teach us a better way.  And if it is a valley due to someone else's actions, Jesus can correct us on our attitudes and how we are approaching this difficult time.  A staff, however, is used for support.  Anyone walking through a valley is often weak in the flesh and weak in the spirit.  The staff of Christ sustains us.  He holds us up and gives us His strength to continue walking through the valley.  This imagery truly comforted David as he could see the hand of God move in both ways throughout his life.

David didn’t know Jesus, but He knew the Messiah was promised – from his own lineage!  It is in this verse and the next that David goes from speaking about God to speaking to God. (That's prayer!)  David only speaks directly to God in the darkest valley and in the presence of his enemies – two of the loneliest, dangerous, and most vulnerable times we can face.  And it is only then that David speaks to the Person of Christ as if He is standing next to him – because He is!  

5.      “Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies…” Continuing to address the Lord directly, David writes almost in awe of the blessing bestowed upon him.  To have a table prepared is to have an invitation.  Not only do we associate a table with having a meal, but also with having conversation.  There is an implied intimacy.  To then realize that all this is going on while your enemies watch is incredible! Calmly, unhurried, a table is prepared despite the proximity to the enemies at hand. Those who want only harm and ridicule to come to you have to watch you be included and provided for by the One who controls everything. The prepared table does not eliminate the enemies.  In fact, it provides an opportunity for the goodness of God to testify to them! Who can say that as they watch us be protected and provided for by our God that our enemies will not be moved to surrender themselves to Him as well? It can only be an experience that would bring both humility from us and glory to the Father.

“Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over…” One translation reads this way “you anoint my head with oil from an overflowing cup.”  David was anointed king as a young boy.  I imagine he remembered the odd sensation of the oil as it ran down his hair, onto his face, into the back of his robe.  As he grew and served as king, the spiritual anointing continued to be evident.  As David looked back and penned this psalm, he had to have realized that the blessings of the Lord overflowed into his life.  The goodness of God was never-ending.  This is especially true in light of the first half of the verse that speaks of the table prepared before his enemies.  David truly knew that the cup of the Lord ran over in favor of David. God’s same cup runs over for us.  Do we hinder it, saying it’s too much? Do we fail to even recognize the blessings that flow from it, thinking we aren’t blessed enough – or at all????

Was David fully aware of what he’d done, speaking directly to the Lord in those verses? It’s as if he was reminding himself that God was with him, a verbal reassurance of the promise that he was not in the difficulty of these tribulations alone – “God you are with me, present, real, close enough to address in the first person.”  And then he reverts back to the third person, telling us of God, rather than speaking to God.

6.      “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life…” David writes this line as if the traits  are personified – two beings trailing behind him.  Two other versions replaced mercy with “grace” and “love.”  I thought it interesting that mercy should be replaced with grace.  Mercy is not receiving what we do deserve, while grace is receiving what we don’t deserve.  To receive either is truly love.  But the word that really stands out to me is the translation that said “shall pursue me.”  Pursue! I can follow someone casually.  I can follow someone accidentally.  I can even follow someone I know better than to follow.  But to pursue someone – now that requires intent.  I have to plan. I have to schedule.  I have to be invested.  David felt pursued by God’s goodness and love and believed with his entire being that they would continue to pursue him for every day of his life.  Although he spoke of the valley of the shadow of death and the enemies watching him, sharing the dark and troubling moments of his life, he also shared his hope and trust in his God to never stop chasing him with the sole purpose of more blessings!  Do we even realize that God is pursuing us for the same reason???  Even in our disobedience, goodness and mercy pursue us to bring us back in fellowship with Him.

“And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”  David’s worship in these short six verses only lead to this one sentence.  Through it all, the goal of our journey with the Lord is to spend our lives with Him – here on earth and in eternity.  Another version says “I will live in the house of the Lord forever.”  There is a difference between dwelling and living.  A mouse may dwell in the attic.  A long-term house guest may stay and dwell.  But those who live in a house thrive and have relationships with others who live in that house.  They are wanted, not merely tolerated. I don’t simply want to have a residence and dwell in heaven.  I want to live in the presence of the Lord and continue my relationship with Him forever. 

The Lord is my Good Shepherd; in Him I have all I need and there is nothing I lack.  He makes a way for me to lie down to heal and rest in a peaceful place; and He shows me where quiet, unturbulent waters flow.  He refreshes my inner being, guiding me onto all the right paths so that His name will be glorified. Yes, I face tribulation, but I make progress moving forward in the valley that is only a shadow of the experience I am going though and not really a reality of death.  I do not fear any other distress or grief that could come my way because I am not alone - the Light of the world, Jesus Christ, walks with me; Your correction is for my benefit, Your strength is for my encouragement because You comfort me as only You can. You extend an invitation to me to join Your table where my enemies watch You bless me. You anoint me with oil for Your purposes, continually blessing me with overflowing abundance, again for your purposes.  I know that I am pursued by Your goodness and mercy and grace and love every day of my life; and I am secure and confident in the promise that I will live in Your house Lord for all of eternity. (ljc)