"Too Much" for Some People

Let's break that down...

Are you too much for introverts? Are you too much joy and puppy dogs and rainbows?  Are you too much energy and cardio? Are you too much of a history buff and people don’t want to hear about what excites you?

Or is it something else that no one has the courage to tell you?  Are you too much of a know it all? Are you too much of a flirt? Are you too much of a pessimist?  Are you too much of a complainer?  Are you too much of a drinker?

Sometimes “too much” for some really does mean they aren’t you’re tribe. I'm never going to want to go rock climbing or backpack across Europe or go on a wine tasting tour.  I've had to know where I won't fit best because I'll only be disappointed in the activities (and be disappointing to those doing them).

But this quote gets thrown around a lot.  It seems to be used as an excuse to be whoever and whatever with no accountability. It’s the female version of “boys will be boys.” And I don't think that statement is ok either.

We have to get to a point where we can recognize our differences without excusing and becoming tolerant of poor behavior.  I think any woman who needs to be validated by this statement because a group of friends think she's "too much" needs to ask some hard questions from someone she trusts to be honest.  And then maybe she needs to work on the things she can improve upon.  We should want others to think they never have enough time with us rather than think we were around "too much." 

The Word on My Heart...

 ...Dichotomies 

We live in a world of dichotomies. Absolutes. You can’t be both at the same time. 

Up               Down 

Left              Right 

Stop             Go 

On                Off 

Day              Night 

Hot               Cold 

Young           Old 

Employed     Unemployed 

Married         Not married 

Mine             Not mine 

Right now I find myself living in a grey area of two absolutes. Waiting on information that will tell me what to expect next. I find myself praying, begging, for the best case scenario. The best case for me. And while I’m seeking and trusting, I keep coming back to two different stories in the Bible. 

The first is from 2 Samuel 12:16-22. David has murdered a man, taken his wife, and now his child from that adultery is ill. “David pleaded with God for the child…..The Lord may be gracious to me.” Despite facing dire consequences that David brought on himself, he took his faith to God. And when the child died, David accepted the will of God. 

The other is found in Luke 11:5-8. Jesus tells the story of a man who needs bread for guests. It’s the middle of the night and he goes to ask his friend. The friend is in bed and doesn’t want to be disturbed. However, “because he is his friend, yet because of his persistence he will rise and give him as many as he needs.” 

This is my dichotomy. Pleading and knowing I will have to accept the will of God AND knowing His love for me as He allows my persistence. Because verse 10 goes on to say “For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.” 

Not because of our sin and consequences. Not because our pleading wears Him down. But because His mercy and goodness is weighed with love. And I will choose to worship Him, not because He gives me what I want or think is best. But because He is the creator and I am the created. His ways are eternal. I am a vapor. He is worthy to be praised whether I walk as David or walk as the neighbor. I choose His will even if it breaks my heart.

Unspoken Struggles

But I know Who to turn to 

I found myself fighting back tears the other day. I had been restless and awake during the early nighttime hours with thoughts whirling. When my alarm woke me for the day, I felt a melancholy I couldn’t identify or shake. A few hours later, with no warning, I was choking up while speaking with my husband. I told him I had many things on my mind and was unsure how to articulate them. What I needed was a good cry. A cleansing cry that gets ugly and teeters between silent heartbreak and louder loss. But I was driving and could not give in to the emotion bubbling up within me. I had to swallow it down, along with the words I needed to say but couldn’t find. 

That was two days ago. I have not had that good cleansing cry yet. The thoughts keep replaying. I’m a bit closer to being able to describe what I’m feeling, but I haven’t said many of them out loud. 

I know my thoughts are not unique to me. We’re nearing the end of another calendar year and we are all - consciously or unconsciously - aware of the losses and gains over the last 12 months. I think I’m feeling the weight of the losses more this year than previous years. Not all losses are counted in physical deaths. Not all losses are even negative. But when you’re excited for circumstances to be one way and they end up another…there is grieving over the loss. 

That’s not to say that the gains have been overshadowed. I have also been unable to speak through tears of joy and pride in loved ones, and in reminiscing over years past, in receiving treasures from those who love me. It has been a blessed year. But I think there’s something about endings that require us to pause, reflect, take account. Cold dreary days invite the tears and the regrets. Grieving is done best in an overcast cloud. And I think some of the heartache comes from not knowing if the next page will bring more of the same. Until the cleansing cry happens, there’s a heaviness that wants to remind me “it might not get better right away.” Knowing that and admitting that are two different things. 

That is why I am so thankful for these verses. Romans 8:25-27 says “But if we hope for what we don’t yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.” 

I am still troubled by some of my thoughts, but I am not without hope. In fact, hope increases by waiting patiently for what is not yet revealed. Which is a huge comfort because some of my thoughts revolve around my purpose here and my desire to fulfill the works the Lord has prepared for me (that are as yet unknown to me). 

What reassurances in this scripture that my inability to describe my heartache is matched with the Holy Spirit’s wordless pleas on my behalf. For the Father needs no words to see and understand my fallible mind. It is a relief that He is already in the midst of my grief even as I process it myself. 

And the truth of His word to continue the work in me in accordance to His will - that perhaps some of what I struggle to understand has been a part of His plan all along. Whether through protection or growth or choices made by me or others, He has walked with me each step and will continue to do so as He brings His plan to fulfillment. I would not choose the heartache and pain, but I trust that His hands hold me and this part of my story will be used for His glory. 

If you’re ending this year with unspoken struggles, fears, grief, regrets, or heartache, I pray you also have a chance to ugly cry. To lay down the weight of your hurt and add your moans to those the Spirit is already offering on your behalf. May you be comforted by the Word and the hand of the Father. And I pray the beginning of another year brings you renewed hope as you grow closer to Him who is Hope.

Filling Their Cup

 In every relationship

While these photos depict a romantic partner relationship (and I’m so thankful for a husband who does this for me), I do not think it’s limited to a spouse/significant other situation. When we are hurting, reclusive, confused, insecure, or spent, we need those who will seek us out to not only check on us, but to pursue connection toward filling the emptiness. I hope each of you have at least one person in your life who enters into the uncomfortable with you. I hope you let them. I hope you do this for others in your life.

 

You Either Know Me...

 ...or you don't 

This used to bother me. Not having a chance to share my side or to defend myself against the lies would give me such a gut ache. But I realized two things: in time people often realize the one sided version doesn’t make sense AND anyone who doesn’t seek me out to ask me about my experience isn’t worth an explanation because they’ve already decided to believe a false version of me. You either know me or you don’t. Some people have been in my life for years and never known me. Others meet me for a short time and have my back forever. It’s not about my character. It’s about theirs.

No Longer Babies

But still can't feed themselves 

I saw this and realized I had never thought about the transition from being a baby bird fed by adults to being a self-sufficient bird who feeds himself. It’s a sweet and sad image. 

But it also got me thinking. This represents a system that has temporarily handicapped the bird. By having everything done and every need met, the young bird has no idea how to meet its own needs. I would guess there were some frustrating and hungry moments while he was learning to fend for himself. 

I’ve known some people like this bird. Handicapped by adults who did everything, provided everything, protected from everything…leaving them helpless when they reach adulthood. They walk around still expecting to be handed everything with very little effort on their part. Some of them learn quickly. Others go “hungry”for a good bit longer. 

And then I thought about scripture when Paul tells us that we should stop feeding on milk and desire meat. Babies live off milk. It is provided by others. A baby is at the mercy of whoever is feeding it - how much, what kind, what environment. Some Christians receive all of their biblical knowledge from the milk offered by others. Small doses based on the topics of interest controlled by others. Slow or stagnant growth confined to spaces with slow or stagnant growth. 

 And when meat is presented, they still expect to be fed, rather than to feed themselves. They do not know how to be nourished on anything else. They do not yet know how to hunt for the meat themselves. They see it. They desire it. But they cannot yet figure out how to obtain it. All because they were handicapped by being fed by others too long.

Our season of being babies - in our families or in our faith - is a short season. Shorter than any other season in our life. It is meant to be a temporary situation rather than a permanent station. And while we all eventually outgrow milk for meat in our physical bodies, it is not always guaranteed that we outgrow milk for meat in our spiritual bodies. 

If you are still wandering around making others feed you, start hunting. 

If you are still feeding others who should already be feeding themselves, let them fly and look for new babies to tend.

Letting Go

After forgiveness 

The phrase “letting go” has rolled around my head and my heart all week. Having forgiven, but remembering the pain. The injustice. The shock. The unfairness. The gossip. The apologies I deserved and will never get. How much I’ve had to let go because others were unaccountable. Questioning if I’m the common denominator in the failed relationships or if I just attract the wrong ones. Trying to let go of the memories of the good times because it makes the cut of betrayal so much deeper. 

Why am I always the one letting go? Why am I the one bothered by the action? Ultimately, why is there no conviction when I was wronged and should have been sought for reconciliation? That last one haunts me. 

Letting go is grieving. What was lost. What was expected. What never existed, but you thought did until the ugly truth was revealed. Letting go sometimes feels like “they got away with it.” But then we all face our own consequences for decisions we make. So there’s that. 

My grief has them in my prayers more than they know. More than I’m in theirs. I craved reconciliation for a long time. Multiple times. Now I pray for their brokenness before the same God I am broken before. I say “I let go. Help me let go. I want to let go.” I visualize letting go. 

But sometimes letting go feels like none of it mattered. And that’s not what I want either. Because it mattered. It mattered to me. And maybe that’s why the betrayal is deep and the grief is real and the letting go is hard.

Be Careful of...

 ...Intolerance

In any debate, any disagreement, pay attention. Who is screaming? Who refuses to take turns listening? Who cannot have an open mind? Who is unwilling to examine a different perspective? There is zero chance of changing anyone’s opinion if they’re being bullied or belittled. On ANY subject.

Which Word Do You Choose?

 

 Sorry or Worry?

Interestingly, my husband and I picked different words; but if you know us, that wouldn’t surprise you. 

I’ve never had a problem taking accountability for things I’ve done wrong and needed to apologize for. I have, however, taken on things that were *not* my responsibility and felt required to “fix” them by making amends. I’ve also inferred differences between me and others as mistakes on my part and felt the need to apologize for being different. I think I’ve gotten better at recognizing that as I’ve gotten older and stopped that behavior, but I’m a work in progress. 

 My husband, on the other hand, has always had the weight of his world on his shoulders, whether the weight was his to bear or not. He is an excellent planner and have envision possible scenarios. But he has often second guessed decisions and fine tuned Plans B - Z. He has taken blame that wasn’t his and allowed it to take root to the point of believing he was at fault. And he has let little things become big things due to the constant carousel of rumination. 

What is also interesting is that by doing life together, we have built each other up and peeled away these damaging layers on one another. Over the years, we have been the support and encouragement the other needed as we unpacked the baggage we’d picked up from others, our environment, and our own misguided thoughts. We’ve been healing together and will continue to do so. 

Neither of these words are bad. In appropriate context and healthy execution, they are both necessary for life. Accountability and caution are key factors to healthy relationships. So whichever word came to mind for you, I hope you can see where misperceptions have molded you, but how time and maturity has also healed you.

Disobedience Led to Death

 And God required immediate action

 “Aaron’s sons Nadab and Abihu each took his own firepan, put fire in it, placed incense on it, and presented unauthorized fire before the Lord, which He had not commanded them to do. Then fire came from the Lord and burned them to death before the Lord….Then Moses said to Aaron and his sons Eleazar and Ithamar, ‘Do not let your hair hang loose and do not tear your garments, or else you will die, and the Lord will become angry with the whole community. However, your brothers, the whole house of Israel, may mourn over that tragedy when the Lord sent the fire.’” Leviticus 10:1-2,6 

I recently read this chapter and have been meditating on it ever since. In the process of being consecrated into their calling, Aaron’s sons are disobedient and severely punished. I cannot imagine the horror and shock that must have come upon Aaron at seeing his sons’ bodies being carried out. And then he is told not to grieve or mourn his sons or he will suffer his own consequences, but the community can mourn on his behalf. 

What happens next shook me. 

In the very next verse, Moses tells Aaron where they must remain within the tent because Aaron and his other sons are still being consecrated. And then the Lord starts giving more instructions on the expectations for the priesthood He is establishing. 

So two men, the sons of the very first temple priest, have just died - and Aaron has to stay focused to receive the instructions for his duties from God. 

What I’ve been pondering is that I think God still works this way. Let me explain. 

As believers, we have gifts and talents for the purpose of His glory and edifying the body. We are each equipped to serve, and some are called into ministry and leadership. 

With leadership comes heartache. We trust people who let us down. We invest in others who don’t share the same kingdom goal. We exhaust ourselves trying to do all the necessary things that others don’t want to do. The normal response is to get discouraged and become more cautious. To take less risk. To attempt to protect yourself from any further heartache.

But that’s not the response God expects. He says, “nope, I’ve called you to fulfill a role and you don’t get to step back or take a break that will distract you from My work for you. Others will grieve on your behalf. You need to keep moving forward with Me, stay engaged, and keep growing.” 

Perhaps Aaron was able to process and grieve privately at a later date. We aren’t told. But what we *are* told is that in the midst of walking out his calling, he was required to put all of his attention on the Lord. And so are we. There are people around us who are *not* failing us, who are faithful to do their part, who need us to keep risking heartache. We need to maintain focus for those who walk with us rather than discouraged over those who turned away. Leaders have to lead, even when injured. The alternative is a crippled ministry that is unable to serve well because leadership lives in fear of injury from people who have no intention of hurting them. 

 It is the age old battle of the flesh and the spirit. What we want versus what He wants. And if our flesh wins, we’ve failed. If our flesh wins, the enemy wins. If our flesh wins, the body suffers and risks being injured. As contrary as it feels to our flesh, it is imperative that when faced with tragedy and grief, we stay engaged and focused on the Lord for the role He has placed us in. To step back is not only damaging to us, it is damaging to the body we serve.

Aren't We a Cute Couple?

But there's more... 

A quick glance at this photo and you’ll see a couple who is having a good time. And you’d be right. But there’s more. 

He had just told me something funny and I was trying my hardest to look poised and not wide-mouth cackle. But what he said also made me blush. So I looked down. And he’s proud of himself because he likes to get these reactions from me. But there’s more. 

 My arms are at his head and his shoulder. I’m connected to his leadership and his strength. His arms are at my waist. He’s connected to me at my core. Yet we’re not pressed together. We are touching with trust and the ability to move independently; not forcing each other to move a certain way, but moving together by choice. But there’s more. 

My eyes are closed. But his aren’t. My head is down. But his isn’t. 

He’s noticing me. He’s watching me. He’s watching out *for* me. I can’t see what’s behind me, but he can. He’ll see what’s coming. And he’s shielding me from anything that comes toward me. Whatever comes for me will have to go through him first. 

 I wasn’t thinking of any of those things when this photo was taken (except maybe to not wide-mouth cackle). But I see all of it every time I look at this picture. It’s one moment in our life that encapsulates our entire marriage. I don’t always see it in the day-to-day struggles and stresses. But I’m so thankful for this visual reminder of the blessing my husband is to me.

Late in the Season?

It may be your time to shine!

We’re at the tail end of autumn. This is probably my favorite moment every year. Leaves are plied on the ground, entire trees are bare. But those that still have leaves are putting on their greatest display. Their color did not fade with the length of autumn. No, these trees held back. They let others shine first. And those first colors were beautiful - but they now lay on the ground, dry and brown. By waiting their turn, these are the colors that will be awed over and remembered. These are the leaves that will leave a mark on souls, a sight for sore eyes, if you will. And I get to see it. I get to be a part of this moment and remember it forever.

And as with most things in life, there’s an application here. We can all think of a time when someone shined first/bigger/better than us. Strangely some people with similar talents and skills are overlooked and passed by for someone else. But I would dare say, there is still time. There is your time. To take your turn to shine. To be the one noticed when the others have faded into the background. To have your moment of radiating the beauty within you and touching the souls of those around you. 

These trees will only be seen in person by a few. My vantage point means that I will see many that others won’t. And I’m missing views that others see. But what a view I have! Front row and cheering! 

For those of you in my point of view, I’m in the front row. I’m watching. I’m cheering you on. I’m so thrilled to see your moment shine and have the memory “I was there for that. I got to be a part of that!” Do not be discouraged because it may be the autumn of your life. It’s one of the best seasons there are. In fact, it’s my favorite .

Are You Teachable?

Choosing ignorance because it's easier 

This statement has simmered in my mind for about a week. I was immediately caught off guard by the accuracy of this statement because I have found it to be true multiple times in my life (but had never thought about the reality of it). Then I felt bad for possibly making an assumption. Surely people without a formal education can receive counsel. It’s not the standard for how one accepts advice or wisdom. 

But the more I’ve pondered it, the more I’ve come back to agreeing with the statement. Maybe not in terms of formal education. But the end part, the “accustomed to learning new things” part, is the key. People who think they already know the answers don’t think they need advice. People who believe they are doing all the right things and are quick to defend their choices don’t pause to wonder if they could use a different perspective. Those too busy being in everyone else’s business certainly don’t realize they could benefit from those on the outside who are observing them. These types of people have stopped learning and so they have stopped receiving. 

I don’t have a formal education. But I try not to quit learning. And I always want to be teachable. I want to be approachable if someone makes a suggestion or notices an area I may be weak in. I want to be grateful for their kindness instead of offended by their audacity. The irony is that I am actually taking classes in order to be better equipped to counsel. The irony is that having wisdom from life experiences and gaining formal knowledge to walk in that has become offensive to some. I don’t behave as if I know everything, but it’s been interesting to ponder this statement in light of people who think they do. 

I’ll end with the scriptures that came to mind as I thought on this idea. It turns out, this statement isn’t an original idea at all. 

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.” Proverbs 1:7 

“Instruct the wise and they will be wiser still: teach the righteous and they will add to their leaning.” Proverbs 9:9 

“The wise accept instruction, but fools argue and bring trouble on themselves.” Proverbs 10:8 

“Where there is no guidance the people fall, but in abundance of counselors there is victory.” Proverbs 11:14 

“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel.” Proverbs 12:15

A Light...

...in the darkness 

Last week we spent time around the fire. One night we made our meal around the fire. It reminded me of the fire that burned hot when I first came to know Yeshua as my savior. I was excited and eager to grow and share my faith. 

But fires die down if they are not tended to. Time has to be spent stirring the embers and adding more fuel to the flame. And life gets busy, we get easily distracted, and we spend less time tending to the burning flame of our faith. 

In the military they teach you to build a fire with caution. A light in the dark draws enemies to your camp. But scripture tells us not to hide our light. While our walk of faith will surely attract the enemy’s attention, it will also draw those who are seeking the Father. 

As we ended the week spending time with our faith family, I prayed that we would remember that our light is not just for one another. We are to shine before others so that they will see Yahweh’s hand in our lives and be drawn to Him themselves.

Repeated Behavior

Is a pattern 

It’s said that “hurting people hurt people.” I think that healed people heal people. The problem lies in those who either don’t want to be healed or don’t realize they need to be healed. Trauma, grief, abuse, shame…it all leaves a mark. I haven’t met one person who was able to heal all by themselves. Whether it was a book or program or therapy or support from others, they needed an outside source to walk them through healing.

It takes time. Time to process. Time to grieve. Time to own your part (if any). Time to accept. Time to forgive. Time to blossom again. Just because natural time passes doesn’t mean the time for healing is complete. Some live in denial for years, never letting grief have it’s turn. Some stay angry and bitter long after they should have. Some believe they arrive at acceptance and forgiveness only to lock themselves away to avoid future possible harm. None of these is healed. A good test of whether or not you are seeing positive growth in your process is to take stock of your relationships. A healthy marriage, happy kids, strong bonds with friends and extended family, a good balance with coworkers…all measures of where you are in the timeline of healing. Avoidance, secrets, shallow bonds, and lost relationships are some of the indications that things are not as good as you’d like others to believe. 

True healing comes from owning your part - which might only be admitting you have avoided getting help. It requires looking within, examining the wound, and perhaps causing some pain in the journey toward complete healing.

The same is true of our unhealed emotional hurts and wounds. Infection or disease left too long, becomes a poison in our bodies. Unresolved emotional circumstances also poison us. It is better to have the pain of recovery after surgery than to live with the pain of disease or injury. Just because something hurts doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. It may be necessary to save your life. 

 I give all glory to The Great Physician for His hand in my personal healings. He has comforted me in my pain while also showing me where I needed to do the hard work. He brought people into my life to walk beside me, speaking words of truth and encouragement. He even removed those who continued to injure rather than aid. He was working long before I even knew He was present. And He will do the same for you if you are ready to do the hard work of recovery and healing.

At the Heart of...

 ...lying

The Bible has a lot to say about lying. From the first temptation in Genesis to eternal punishment in Revelation, lying leads to death. Yet many treat lying as insignificant, even necessary. Using innocent sounding names like “white lies” or “falsehoods” or “fake news” makes it sound less destructive. Using excuses like “misunderstandings” or “I didn’t mean it that way” as an attempt to back pedal and avoid accountability. But this isn’t an issue of poor communication - it’s an issue of poor character. 

 We cannot say we love God and willfully choose sin. We cannot say we hate the things that grieve God while doing the things that grieve God. This same logic is applied to other sins. Why is lying treated differently?

When You Receive Imput...

 ...consider the source

 🔴When receiving criticism 

🔴When receiving advice 

🔴When receiving gossip 

Consider the source

⁉️Is it someone who you can trust to speak hard truth to you about a real issue OR it it someone who is only saying something negative to make themselves feel better? 

⁉️Is it someone who is sharing valuable wisdom and knowledge that can help you OR is it someone telling you how to do life while theirs falls apart? 

⁉️Is it someone who is speaking in love out of concern and compassion OR is it someone who is causing division and sharing information that isn’t theirs to repeat? 

🔎Consider the source. 

🔎Consider the motive. 

🔎Consider what you know about the person speaking and the person being spoken about. 

🔎Consider whether there is current or previous evidence of the behavior being spoken about. 

🔎Consider what can be gained or lost by what is being shared.

You Know What?

I want to know you 

 

I don’t do small talk well. I mean, I *can* talk about the weather and how your week has been and how tired we both are. But I won’t feel we’ve connected. And I won’t feel we’ve deepened our friendship. 

💭I want to hear about your dreams and goals and struggles to reach them. 

 💭I want to hear about your small victories and big defeats and all the steps in between. 

💭I want to hear about the things that matter to you and the things that hurt you and I want to remember them. 

💭I want you to feel safe enough to share tears, fears, and secrets and not only laughter. 

💭I want you to know love and encouragement and accountability. 

💭I want more than “I’m fine” and “no worries.” 

💭I want you to know I see the truth in your eyes despite the smile on your lips. 

 I want you to know you’re worth knowing. And I want to know you better.

Hey, Couples!

I’m talking to you! 

Think honestly about your relationship over the last six months. Your time spent together (or apart). Your conversations. Your affection. Your tone of voice. Your volume of voice. 

Based on how you’ve interacted during this time, would you want to be in a relationship with the other person if you were still dating and not married? 

❓Would you say yes if he asked you out based on his behavior over the last six months? 

❓Would you ask her out based on her behavior over the last six months? 

I’m not talking about a bad day or bad news or under the weather or some sleepless nights. I’m talking about consistent patterns of respect/disrespect; thoughtful conversations/silent treatment; simple gestures of affection/avoiding intimacy; words and tone of love and kindness/words and tone of impatience and indifference; apologies and forgiveness/score keeping and bitterness. 

❤️‍🩹Are you the kind of person your spouse would want to be in a relationship with if they met you within the last six months?

Marriage is more than deciding you won’t get a divorce. Just because you follow the Bible and know you have to stick it out doesn’t mean becoming roommates is the solution. And as much as you might have real problems with your spouse’s behavior, you have to be willing to make your own first steps toward healing the friendship. 

👫The friendship. Not the relationship. 

Too many times, we forget that our spouse started off as being the one person we wanted to spend the most time with, share our secrets and dreams with, laugh and make memories with. We didn’t start out sharing bills and burdens and babies - we started as friends. 

🚫So think of your friends now. Would they still invite you if you spoke to them the way you speak to your spouse? Would they want to trust you with their hurts and fears if you handled them carelessly? Would they trust you to have their back if every interaction included disrespect? No healthy friendship keeps that kind of toxicity around. And a marriage is by far the most important friendship you’ll ever have. 

You must cultivate your spousal friendship as you would any other. Appreciation, understanding, accountability, loyalty, honesty, respect, commitment…fun, humor, memory making… 

Building a home and a family is exhausting. The days are long, the nights are short. The bills from collectors are higher than the bills from your wallet. And yet, you are supposed to be on the same team. Facing the difficulties of life shoulder to shoulder rather than facing off against one another. Your spouse should be your partner instead of another problem. 

💪🏻Wives, respect your husbands. In his mind, love equals respect. Build him up. Genuinely compliment him. Find *something* he is doing well and praise him for it. Thank him for his sacrifice to miss out on time with the family as he provides. Set an example in front of the children. Do not let them disrespect him. Encourage them to love him through their obedience and their kindness. 

🛟Husbands, love your wives. In her mind, feeling safe is a large aspect of feeling loved. Protect her from feeling she has to compete for your attention. Show her that you are trying to make the wisest decisions for the family. Tell her of your appreciation for her in all she does to care for the home and the family. Recognize that she feels the work of her hands may not be as significant as the work you do, but you see her and you acknowledge her sacrifice. 

🗣️Speak kindly. 

💯Apologize when necessary. 

🫂Seek affection. 

💋Embrace intimacy. 

💬Talk about things other than responsibilities. 

🥸Laugh together. 

💧Cry together. 

🙏🏼Pray together. 

 Rediscover that incredible friend in one another that you have been ignoring and tell them you’ve missed them. Your marriage needs them. 👰🏼🤵🏻‍♂️

When You Seek God

And He gives you confirmation

  Recently I’ve been doubting myself, my gifts, what I feel is my purpose and calling. Despite attempts at walking it out, there seemed to be let down and rejection at every turn. It’s not only discouraging; it makes you question everything you thought you knew about your passion. It makes your prayers more like tearful begging for revelation. “God, take this desire from me if it’s not what You have for me.” And then…He answered.

Twice in the last week, I’ve had unassuming conversations with professionals that I only interact with every few months. During both of these conversations, each one asked me “what do you do for a living? Are you a {particular career}?” Each guessed a different career, but both careers require characteristics of the traits I have the desire to use and have been doubting. After months of discouragement and feelings of failure, I was validated and humbly blessed. I was so thankful the Father heard my prayers and answered.

Here’s what I’ve realized: 

💡We often look to those closest to us to notice and encourage our efforts. They know us best so they should recognize our gifts. But this often isn’t the case. 

💡Those around us get used to us. Our special passions and callings become as familiar to them as our smile and tone of voice. To them, it’s just how we are. They probably don’t even think about it being something special to encourage or compliment or seek out if it’s a resource they need. It just doesn’t occur to them. 

💡But strangers and acquaintances don’t see us as often or know us as well. So when we walk in our passion, they pick up on it as something new to them. They realize it’s different than other people they encounter (which might not be true because of #2). So they’re quick to pay attention and point it out. 

💡And I think people often *do* think complimentary things about others - they just don’t always say them to the individual who needs to hear it. I think if we each remember how good we feel when given a genuine compliment, we’d be more inclined to give them to others more often. 

(Disclaimer: I’m a Words of Affirmation girl so this is near and dear to my heart. But even if that isn’t your love language, a kind word about something you notice in someone else could be just the thing they need to believe in themselves again.)