I’m talking to you!
Think honestly about your relationship over the last six months. Your time spent together (or apart). Your conversations. Your affection. Your tone of voice. Your volume of voice.
Based on how you’ve interacted during this time, would you want to be in a relationship with the other person if you were still dating and not married?
❓Would you say yes if he asked you out based on his behavior over the last six months?
❓Would you ask her out based on her behavior over the last six months?
I’m not talking about a bad day or bad news or under the weather or some sleepless nights. I’m talking about consistent patterns of respect/disrespect; thoughtful conversations/silent treatment; simple gestures of affection/avoiding intimacy; words and tone of love and kindness/words and tone of impatience and indifference; apologies and forgiveness/score keeping and bitterness.
❤️🩹Are you the kind of person your spouse would want to be in a relationship with if they met you within the last six months?
Marriage is more than deciding you won’t get a divorce. Just because you follow the Bible and know you have to stick it out doesn’t mean becoming roommates is the solution. And as much as you might have real problems with your spouse’s behavior, you have to be willing to make your own first steps toward healing the friendship.
👫The friendship. Not the relationship.
Too many times, we forget that our spouse started off as being the one person we wanted to spend the most time with, share our secrets and dreams with, laugh and make memories with. We didn’t start out sharing bills and burdens and babies - we started as friends.
🚫So think of your friends now. Would they still invite you if you spoke to them the way you speak to your spouse? Would they want to trust you with their hurts and fears if you handled them carelessly? Would they trust you to have their back if every interaction included disrespect? No healthy friendship keeps that kind of toxicity around. And a marriage is by far the most important friendship you’ll ever have.
Building a home and a family is exhausting. The days are long, the nights are short. The bills from collectors are higher than the bills from your wallet. And yet, you are supposed to be on the same team. Facing the difficulties of life shoulder to shoulder rather than facing off against one another. Your spouse should be your partner instead of another problem.
💪🏻Wives, respect your husbands. In his mind, love equals respect. Build him up. Genuinely compliment him. Find *something* he is doing well and praise him for it. Thank him for his sacrifice to miss out on time with the family as he provides. Set an example in front of the children. Do not let them disrespect him. Encourage them to love him through their obedience and their kindness.
🛟Husbands, love your wives. In her mind, feeling safe is a large aspect of feeling loved. Protect her from feeling she has to compete for your attention. Show her that you are trying to make the wisest decisions for the family. Tell her of your appreciation for her in all she does to care for the home and the family. Recognize that she feels the work of her hands may not be as significant as the work you do, but you see her and you acknowledge her sacrifice.
🗣️Speak kindly.
💯Apologize when necessary.
🫂Seek affection.
💋Embrace intimacy.
💬Talk about things other than responsibilities.
🥸Laugh together.
💧Cry together.
🙏🏼Pray together.
Rediscover that incredible friend in one another that you have been ignoring and tell them you’ve missed them. Your marriage needs them. 👰🏼🤵🏻♂️
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